Thread Regression

Discussion in 'All Other Discussions' started by padredurand, Aug 1, 2015.

  1. padredurand

    padredurand
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    This long hot summer seems to be taking a toll on us all. Tempers are flaring and interesting thread topics dissolve into terse exchanges before we get to page 2. Here's a template for future discussions:

    OP: A question, comment or observation; somewhat reasonable at first blush.

    First reply: A response to the OP; somewhat reasonable at first blush.

    Second reply: An opinion that falls somewhere between the position of the OP and the First reply.

    Third reply: Grammar Nazi

    Fourth reply: Off topic but an interesting expose of the posting habits of the first few respondents.

    Subsequent replies:

    I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you never use it.

    If you are going to be two faced, at least make one of them pretty.​

    You're so ugly, when your mom dropped you off at school she got a fine for littering.

    If I wanted to kill myself I'd climb your ego and jump to your IQ.​

    I don't exactly hate you, but if you were on fire and I had water, I'd drink it.

    It's better to let someone think you are an Idiot than to open your mouth and prove it.​

    Somewhere out there is a tree, tirelessly producing oxygen so you can breathe. I think you owe it an apology.

    You shouldn't play hide and seek, no one would look for you.​

    Well I could agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.

    I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you.​

    You didn't fall out of the stupid tree. You were dragged through the forest.

    If I gave you a penny for your thoughts, I'd get change.​

    Shock me, say something intelligent.

    It's kinda sad watching you attempt to fit your entire vocabulary into a sentence.​

    You have two brains cells, one is lost and the other is out looking for it.

    :wavey:
     
  2. padredurand

    padredurand
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    I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you.

    I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!​

    Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; you only gargled.

    Why don't you shut up and give that hole in your face a chance to heal.​

    Aww, it's so cute when you try to talk about things you don't understand.

    You're a person of rare intelligence. It's rare when you show any.​

    Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?

    So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.​

    So you've changed your mind, does this one work any better?

    Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live.​

    Are you always an idiot, or just when I'm around?
     
  3. InTheLight

    InTheLight
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    Good ones!

    Couple more:

    As long as your head is up there, might as well check for polyps.

    If your brain were shoved up the hind end of a flea it would rattle around in there like a ping pong ball inside a railroad boxcar.

    You couldn't pour water out of a boot even if the instructions were printed on the bottom of the heel.
     
  4. padredurand

    padredurand
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    Perfect! :thumbs:

    If brains were dynamite you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose.
     
  5. Rolfe

    Rolfe
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    I do not battle wits with those who are unarmed.
     
  6. padredurand

    padredurand
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    Following the template....

    * insert self-aggrandizing comments.

    * quote one popular author

    * misquote an early church father

    * anecdote from a church you have not attended in at least 30 years.

    * prepare for the off handed insult.

    * Wait for it. Wait for it.


    You're as bright as a black hole, and twice as dense. :tongue3:
     
  7. HeDied4U

    HeDied4U
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    Thanks for the laughs!! I needed something to lighten up my evening.

    :thumbsup: :laugh: :applause:
     
  8. padredurand

    padredurand
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    Confucius says, "He who laughs last didn't get the joke." :wavey:
     
  9. Salty

    Salty
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    I don't get it
     
  10. padredurand

    padredurand
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    I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in? :flower:
     
  11. Rolfe

    Rolfe
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  12. padredurand

    padredurand
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    Following the template means it is time for an off topic anecdote such as...

    I went to my chiropractor yesterday. The nurse said, "Walk this way, please." I replied, "If I could walk that way I wouldn't need a chiropractor."

    Typically the thread, now, hangs in a delicate balance. The next reply will determine whether we stay on topic or we venture into the wild world of chiropractic medicine.

    Chiropractors? Witch doctor, quack or miracle worker?

    Don't forget the grammar Nazis. :smilewinkgrin:
     
  13. Rolfe

    Rolfe
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    A surprise charge of Stalking would seem appropriate. Nobody would see that coming. :laugh:
     
  14. padredurand

    padredurand
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    Two for one. A stalking Nazi...

    [​IMG]
     
  15. John of Japan

    John of Japan
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    Back to the topic: If your brain were put on the edge of a razor blade, it would look like a BB going down a four lane.

    And don't forget the great insultor, Winston Churchill:

    “We know that he has, more than any other man, the gift of compressing the largest amount of words into the smallest amount of thought.“

    When Lady Astor said to him, “If you were my husband, I’d poison your tea.” Churchill’s replied “Madame, if you were my wife, I’d drink it.”
     
    #15 John of Japan, Aug 3, 2015
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 3, 2015
  16. padredurand

    padredurand
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    I love the Astor/Churchill spats. "Mr. Churchill, you are drunk!" said Mrs. Astor. He replied, "And you, madam, are ugly. Tomorrow I will be sober."
     
  17. wpe3bql

    wpe3bql
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    I too am a fan of Churchill.

    While he did make some very serious strategic errors as Chief of the Admiralty (something similar to our Chief of Naval Operations, I guess), and suffered politically for a decade or so thereafter.

    At least he seems to have learned his lesson, especially after he saw the path that the UK & her associated Commonwealth nations were headed when airheads like Chamberlain & his cronies assumed power in the years previous to WW2.

    Yep, old Chamberlain sure led the UK & Commonwealth nations down the path to eventual victory over that nice old, "You-Can-Trust-Old-Adolph-to-always-tell-the-truth-that-I'll-NEVER-ask-for-an-square-inch-of-land-anywhere-at-all-especially-in-Europe!-trust-me-on-this-&-just-sign-right-here-on-the-dotted-line!-You-don't-even-have-read-the-agreement-I-just-read-it-myself-&-I-GUARANTEE-that-I'll-always-hold-to-every-single-word-in-it!-I-PROMISE-I-will!-So-just-sign-right-here-and-then-you-can-fly-back-home-to-jolly-old-London-town-just-in-time-for-your-afternoon-tea,"didn't he! :thumbs: Chamberlain did just that, & the rest is history! :tear:

    I'm sure Churchill made some mistakes. When you're in the hot seat for a world-wide Commonwealth for as long as he was, you're bound to make some blunders....some very big blunders, I'm sure. His defeat shortly after WW2 must somehow prove that a wartime leader isn't always a good peacetime leader. Many of our own POTUS's have done the same.

    But, after it's all said & done, I'd sure rather have someone like Churchill at 1600 PA Avenue than some of the current bunch of losers we've had in the past 5 decades.

    Can I get an Amen on that?
     
  18. InTheLight

    InTheLight
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    "Silent" Cal (Calvin Coolidge) was a man of few words.

    A woman came up to him once and said, "I bet my husband I could get you to say at least three words."

    "You lose," he replied.
     
  19. wpe3bql

    wpe3bql
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    That's one tale I forgot!

    Cal seemed to me to be like the kind of guy in those old investment ads. I forgot the name of the company in those ads, but they went something like: "When (Co. XYZ) speaks, people listen!"

    Coolidge has been given a bad rap by many who didn't like his low-key, steady-as-she-goes fiscal policies.

    Most of them demanded that he fix a problem that had been festering for a decade or longer yesterday, last week at the latest.

    An economy as big as post-WW1's was back then (much less ours today) can't be turned completely around that easily (&, sad to say, will most certainly need to be turned around sooner than most of us think) any more than a huge aircraft carrier on the ocean can be easily turned around.

    Neither one can be turned around on a dime. Unfortunately, a single dime may be all a person might wind up having in his pockets if our "Just-print-more-$$$" idiots who're in charge of our economy claim to be the solution for all our monies' woes and sorrows.

    Got news for you there, it just doesn't work that way....never has & never will.
     
  20. padredurand

    padredurand
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    Coolidge and his wife made a practice of attending church together. Mrs. Coolidge was ill one Sunday and, after his return, pressed the former president for details about the pastor's sermon.

    "What was the sermon about?"
    "Sin."
    "Well, what did he have to say about it?"
    "He's against it."
     

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