Ungodly behavior in Student Leaders

Discussion in '2004 Archive' started by intojesus, Aug 26, 2004.

  1. intojesus

    intojesus
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    Hello,

    This is my first time to the board and I am having some deep struggles within our church and with myself. First let me tell you something that I struggle with, and I am not sure if its a gift, legalism within myself or just that I am a busy body or maybe I don't have enough mercy. Maybe you can help....I have this justice thing that lives within me and when I see an injustice and I have so much trouble keeping my mouth shut and I have gotten myself into trouble more than once. I will give you a few of examples. I am a youth leader and we have teens in leadership that I cannot understand why they are there. There are several(a few being PK'S) that seem to be mean, they have lied,
    been kicked out of events for misbehavior, disrespectful and gossip but yet these are the kids that are allowed to lead worship and teach. It drives me NUTS.......We had a recent incident where one of our students had his hands all over his girlfriend over and over(even though there is a rule about no PDA) and it seemed ignored for the most part. He is one of our student teachers. One of the boys that leads worship(PK) thinks nothing of telling girls, ladies and older women and children that their hot, sexy ect...but the excuse is made its just his outgoing flirty personality and he is just kidding around. Yes I do agree with that but I know some have been very offended by this behavior. Then we have other kids that just walk the walk with the Lord ALL the time and they are not recognized. Several of these young men are constantly put on a pedestal because they are being called to be Pastors. I have to tell you I have lost sleep over this....Please how can I discern this situation and do what is right.


    intojesus

    *edited to change title to draw more responses due to the seriousness of this need.

    [ August 26, 2004, 02:12 PM: Message edited by: dianetavegia ]
     
  2. Loren B

    Loren B
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    Change Churches.
     
  3. JGrubbs

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  4. dianetavegia

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    With the behavoir you've listed, I would doubt any calling of the young men who are acting out like this.

    I believe we are, as God's children, to be held to higher standards than those in the world and those called to be pastors should be pastor material. Calling women hot, sexy and touching girls is NOT Christlike in any sense of the word.

    I'd leave the church too if things cannot be changed.

    Diane
     
  5. intojesus

    intojesus
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    Dear Loren B,

    Please don't tell me to do that. We have over 60 youth attending many need attention and people that will listen. Just yesterday I had several girls at my home that were struggling and needed to talk. I just can not walk out on them. I love these kids even the ones that seem to be above the rules. I am just trying to figure this all out in my mind, thats all.
     
  6. intojesus

    intojesus
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    Dear Diane,

    Believe it or not these young men are incredibly gifted. They can speak and musically they are way above average. Maybe others see these gifts and believe God will work out all of this other junk. The old saying goes, "God is perfectly able of cleaning his own fish" has been told to me. But then I ask myself are we not to hold them accountable. I am so very confused. Maybe I am to judgmental......Thanks so much for your reply.
     
  7. dianetavegia

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    intojesus,
    I thought you were one of the youth but see from your profile that you're a mom. That does change things a bit. I'd sure not sit by and watch this behavior.

    Two VBS's ago, I found a girl and guy alone in a room with the girl with her legs wrapped around the back of the boy who was sitting in a chair. I directly went, found the preacher and sent him and a youth worker to take care of the situation. We were awaiting our new Minister to Youth. Bro. Jon allows NONE of this type behavior and has numerous adults in attendance for every youth outing to make sure nothing like you're describing happens! Some of the kids left because it's not as much 'fun' but they went out from us because they were not of us... only there for the free trips and fun parties from the previous youth leader. :(

    Diane
     
  8. intojesus

    intojesus
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    Dear Diane,

    One of these kids is our Pastors son. He is the flirt but has musical talent that would blow you away. Two years ago he was thrown out of a sporting event for bad behavior, it was our Youth Pastor that was yelled at by the Pastors Sons Mom because she felt he did not control him. Just recently on a missions trip he was spoken to by the missions coordinator for bad behavior. He is a Senior this year and next year he is attending Liberty Univesity. He also has a very charismatic personailty and the teens all look up at him and the girls all are " in love with him" so to speak...except for the exception of a few that only tolerate him.I just want to clarify these are students in our youth group that were made STUDENT LEADERS....THANKS!
     
  9. intojesus

    intojesus
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    P.S.
    I am a Youth Leader working with 9-12 graders...
     
  10. JGrubbs

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    If the Pastor and other leadership is not willing to do anything about this problem, then your hands are tied. Never think that by "leaving a church" that you have to cut of all fellowship with those still at the "church you left".

    I served as a youth pastor for a four years, but because of various problems, the Lord led me away from that paticular ministry. I still stay in contact with some of the youth from the group, and they still call, email and stop by when they have problems or need prayer.

    If God is calling you to minister to these girls, you can do that even if you are not on the "church roll". I would first approach the Youth Pastor, and if that doesn't work the Senior Pastor to see if this problem can be resolved, if not, then you may have to remove yourself from their "church roll".

    (I hate the phrase leaving the church, or changing church. The Church is not a social club you join, it's something you become part of when you become a Christian.)
     
  11. intojesus

    intojesus
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    Dear Net,

    Thank-you I will be in prayer over this. To be honest I somethimes think our Youth Pastors hands are tied.....being as who these students are or more important as who there parents are. I really love our Youth Pastor..Thanks. I am wondering is this a common problem in churches with Pastors Kids.
     
  12. Johnv

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    I think this is less an issue of ungodly behavior, and more an issue of inappropriate behavior. As a member of the youth leader team, you have the right and responsibility to address and correct issues of inappropriate behavior by either the youth or other youth leaders. When I was college aged, and a youth leader, we were all required to adhere to the written rules of conduct for youth leaders and staff. That included a ban on public displays of affection, comments that could be construed as sexually inappropriate, and dating of any of the youth participants. Violating any of these was grounds for dismissal from the youth leadership team and staff.

    Perhaps your youth team has no written policies in place, hence, any activity is subjective. It would be a great help to your youth team, not to mention the youth themselves, to enact a written policy.
     
  13. intojesus

    intojesus
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    Dear John,

    Trust me its in writing... the rules.... in fact 3 years ago a young lady was asked to step down from the Worship team because she had an attitude problem. The problem lays in the fact that these are 16 and 17 year old young men(one being our Pastors son) that seem to be allowed more room for leniency on the rules. But I guess the bottom line is I just need to learn to look the other way and know that next year these young men will be off at college and out of youth group. It is up to male leadership to address this and it just does not happen. I am not the only person in the church to ever try to address this but others have tried and failed so who am I to think I can change anything. Thanks for your help...
     
  14. intojesus

    intojesus
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    Here is an example of some more behavior...Are you all familar with IM? Instanst Message. I am because I have a teenage daughter. The kids have what they call profiles and away messages for ALL to see. This is the message on our Pastors Son our and our student worship leader Away message today:

    .....me n manda are lovers.......

    ......I am sleeping naked......(this was last weeks)


    just trying to give you another example of what happens day to day.


    I am not joking.....
     
  15. TaterTot

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    have you sat down and had a heat to hear with the pastor? I am a youth leader too, and this is totally unacceptable for teens in leadership roles. We wouldnt let it fly with adults, so we shouldnt let it with kids. Maybe you could talk to him in a concerned (non-critical) manner. Hope it all works out! Oh, or maybe some of the girls could talk to their pastor about it. That would be better probably. Best wishes!
     
  16. intojesus

    intojesus
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    Dear TatorTot,
    Yes my husband has and others...... problem is its his son...and hes the apple of his Daddys eye. Not to blame Dad cause I really love our Pastor, I guess sometimes as parents we choose what we want to see. I really appreciate all the feedback on this, I feel validated that I am not crazy but know I just need to commit this to the Lord. Thanks!
     
  17. Eltrow

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    Some of the problem stems from the leadership's unwillingness to "offend" for fear the offended party will leave. Too many churches are becoming entertainment centers for goats and not feeding trofs(sic) for sheep. Just because someone is "gifted" does not mean "by God." Lucifer was the most gifted angel, yet it did him no good.
    The church in America has become so focused on the flesh that they cannot discern the spiritual.
    To quote Keith Green:
     
  18. intojesus

    intojesus
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    Dear Eltrow,

    Your 100 percent right. We also have the Pastors wife that when her children are called out on behavior she will rip them apart verbally. So there is a fear factor.....

    Thanks and God Bless.
     
  19. Brent

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    If the problem children belong to Pastor's, Deacons, Elders, etc. and they can't keep them from briging ungodly behavior into the church, then these people should be asked to step down. If they can't lead their family, how can they lead your church family?!
    Forgive me if I'm not liberal enough to "measure up" to the standards of today but that kind of behavior is simply unacceptable.
     
  20. Gib

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    Maybe those parents should hot sauce their kids.
     

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