Welcome to the First Cyber Baptist Church

Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by righteousdude2, May 28, 2013.

  1. righteousdude2

    righteousdude2
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    Is this even possible? Is the church coming to this? Will we one day see something similar taking place in churches across the nation and around the world?

    Probably not, but for a humorous look at the coming Electronic Church, enjoy the following:

    Scrllling across an electric ribbon board in the front of the church, members read this message _- OPENING SERVICE SET TO BEGIN - then the Pastor steps up to the pulpit and says,

    "PRAISE THE LORD"

    CONGREGATION REPLIES: "Hallelujah!"

    PASTOR: "Will everyone please turn on their Tablet, PC, iPad, iPod, Smart Phone and Kindle Bibles to 1 Cor 13:13...and please switch on your Bluetooth to download the sermon."

    P-A-U-S-E​

    PASTOR: Now, let us pray committing this week into God's Hands. Open your Apps, BBM, Twitter and Facebook and chat with God."

    S-I-L-E-N-C-E​

    PASTOR: "As we take our Sunday tithes and offerings, please have your credit and debit cards ready.

    You can log on to the church wi-fi using the password 'Lord909887. The ushers will circulate mobile card swiping machines among the worshipers.

    Those who prefer to make electronic fund transfers are directed to computers and laptops at the rear of the church.

    Those who prefer to use iPads can open them.
    Those who prefer telephone banking, take out your cellphones to transfer your contributions to the church account.

    The "holy atmosphere of the church becomes truly electrified" as ALL the Smartphones, iPads, iPods, PC's and laptops bleep and flicker.

    Again, on the message ribbon board over the pulpit, the congregation reads the following words: "FINAL...BLESSING....AND.....CLOSING .......ANNOUNCEMENTS........."

    PASTOR: This week's ministry cell meetings will be held on the various Facebook group pages where the usual group chatting takes place. Please log in and don't miss out.

    Thursday's Bible study will be held live on Skype at 1900 hours Pacific Daylight Time. Please don't miss out !

    You can follow your Pastor on Twitter this weekend for counseling, prayers and updates pertaining to his visits to members in hospitals, rest homes, and other places, as I try to keep all members involved.

    God bless you and have a nice day." ::type:
     
  2. Robert Snow

    Robert Snow
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    This might be good for shut-ins or disabled folk.
     
  3. Earth Wind and Fire

    Earth Wind and Fire
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    Love the consept...especially the silence part:laugh:
     
  4. saturneptune

    saturneptune
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    Well, if it is going to be a cyber service, no need to gather in one spot. The entire congregation can face time each other. Sort of like a conference call. I can see it now, everyone has their own shot glass of grape juice and cracker at home and everyone takes the elements at once for the Lords Supper. Havent figured out how to baptize electronically. One could sleep during the sermon from home.

    Just think, when the whole world gets an iphone, how much easier being a missionary will be. One could face time a Muslim in Iran and tell him the Gospel without getting thrown in jail.
     
    #4 saturneptune, May 29, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: May 29, 2013
  5. righteousdude2

    righteousdude2
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    Better than sleeping through the sermon....

    ....one could easily SURF the web, buy things and get back in time to hear the benediction! :sleep: :godisgood: ?!?!?!?!?!?

    As for baptism, those in need could fill the tub, or use their pool of nearby lake or stream, and follow the directions of the pastor. With one important caveat, Don't take your electronic device into the water with you [it could be shocking to say the least]! :laugh:
     
  6. saturneptune

    saturneptune
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    And if................

    A frog had wings he would not bump his butt

    [​IMG]

    A squirrel had a machine gun, the hawks would not eat him

    [​IMG]
     
    #6 saturneptune, May 30, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: May 30, 2013

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