What are the qualities of a Pastor's wife?

Discussion in 'Pastoral Ministries' started by El_Guero, Sep 5, 2004.

  1. El_Guero

    El_Guero
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    What are the qualities of a Pastor's wife?

    Still being single, I have found some very different answers as I have asked pastors this question.

    So, I was wondering ... what qualities are needed and what qualities are a definite NO (Negative traits).
     
  2. exscentric

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    Aside from the normal Christian living, I'd suggest a listener instead of a talker :)
     
  3. dianetavegia

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    I honestly believe a woman must be called to be a Pastor's wife because she has to be willing to 'give him' to his congregation when she'd rather have him home while Johnny throws up and Suzy has the chicken pox. It's not an easy job but one that is easily unappreciated. We've had some wonderful women as pastor's wives. Our last pastor had an angel for a wife. Cindy Quigley. Miss her dearly!

    Diane
     
  4. TaterTot

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    I am a pastor's wife and have learned to grow thick skin. Everyone wont always be pleased with a pastor, and they often say mean and hurtful things to a pastor's wife. Also, a pastor's wife should not be too connected to material things.
    But over all, its a wonderful experience and I LOVE it!!!
     
  5. SaggyWoman

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    Not a gossip.

    Sometimes it is better to remain single than to live with a nagging woman.

    Someone that doesn't mind sharing her man. Or giving up her man on a daily basis. Not jealous.
     
  6. Dr. Bob

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    A pastor's wife must be the godly wife of a pastor. Nothing more. Nothing less.

    Just like a Sunday School teacher's wife must be the godly wife of the teacher.

    There is a false dichotomy to teach God's "calling" to a "ministry" - when there is no biblical evidence that a pastor's wife IS called or a minister!
     
  7. PastorGreg

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    There is no biblical office of pastor's wife. She is a godly woman whose husband is a pastor. If she has been "called" to be a pastor's wife, what does she do if he becomes a plumber or a carpenter?
     
  8. Pastor J

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    It is also interesting that there are no qualifications listed for a Pastor's wife in 1 Tim. 3 except being under submission to her husband. However there are qualification for a deacons wife.
     
  9. dianetavegia

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    There's also qualifications for the widows indeed the church is to care for when needs arrive.

    1 Timothy 5:3 Honor widows who are really widows. 4 But if any widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show piety at home and to repay their parents; for this is good and acceptable before God. 5 Now she who is really a widow, and left alone, trusts in God and continues in supplications and prayers night and day. 6 But she who lives in pleasure is dead while she lives. 7 And these things command, that they may be blameless. 8 But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. 9 Do not let a widow under sixty years old be taken into the number, and not unless she has been the wife of one man, 10 well reported for good works: if she has brought up children, if she has lodged strangers, if she has washed the saints' feet, if she has relieved the afflicted, if she has diligently followed every good work. 11 But refuse the younger widows; for when they have begun to grow wanton against Christ, they desire to marry, 12 having condemnation because they have cast off their first faith. 13 And besides they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house, and not only idle but also gossips and busybodies, saying things which they ought not. 14 Therefore I desire that the younger widows marry, bear children, manage the house, give no opportunity to the adversary to speak reproachfully. 15 For some have already turned aside after Satan. 16 If any believing man or woman has widows, let them relieve them, and do not let the church be burdened, that it may relieve those who are really widows.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    I received a prayer request from a newly widowed pastor's wife who had nothing. Nothing. She's currently sleeping on the sofa of some friends in a town that is not her home. She's looking for work as they had only enough savings to bury her husband. She's been nothing but a pastor's wife since a very young woman and in her words... 'There's no call for a Pastor's wife... without the pastor...' Her children are young adults and living in various places. She's all alone and quite destitute. [​IMG] I don't know this woman other than her name is Peggy. I do know another Pastor's widow who was childless. They had a small ins. policy and their little house was paid for. She sold it and moved into a smaller home in town so she could walk to the store, etc. Her name is Alice.

    Diane
     
  10. Dr. Bob

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    Her husband is dead, Diane, but it is sadly HIS FAULT for putting ministry, etc, ahead of his dear wife.

    We are "programmed for poverty" and many pastors feel they don't deserve a living wage (and retirement income). Churches are so selfish they never look beyond the bottom line of their annual budget.

    Most vain preachers think we will preach until we die. I was one. At 53 the world crashed in as my health failed and I could no longer pastor or teach in any sort of a full-time capacity.

    My income from limited preaching in mission works, teaching in our Bible Institute, etc is about $500 a month. Not enough to begin to pay any bills and still years away from Medicare, etc.

    Thankfully, my wife is highly educated and can command a living wage. But SHE must work 50-60 hours a week (while I type on the BB). Not real great self-image for a man.
     
  11. dianetavegia

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    That is so true, Dr. Bob.

    Diane
     
  12. rufus

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    She is to be a Christian just like every other Christian! [​IMG]
     
  13. WallyGator

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    To lighten up a little. The first question asked in 85% of the churches that I went "in view of a call", "Does your wife play the piano?" [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]
     
  14. exscentric

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    I must say the comments are about right on as to churches taking care of pastors. I will say some are much better than others. Our home churches pastor kicked off in his early fifties and the church offered the widow the parsonage or to build her a small house, and they also made her church secretary :)

    Some have it pretty right.

    Dr. Bob what cha belly achen bout there's nothin to spend money on in Wyoming anyway :) Hear your grief on the low income.

    What is your Bible Institute - have a website? have a grand daughter considering that sort of stuff.
     
  15. El_Guero

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    So is Wally saying that I need to look for a woman that plays the piano?

    Wayne
     
  16. arttal

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    What are the qualities of a Pastor's wife?


    When a man marries, he and his wife becomes "one" therefore, the pastor's wife should have the same qualities of the Pastor himself. The wife can disqualify the Pastor from being a Pastor. Example; She can not be the husband of one wife but she can be the wife of on husband.
     
  17. Circuitrider

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    When I became a pastor over 30 years ago a wise pastor's wife told my wife that the most important quality (obviously in addition to being saved and living a consistent Christian life) was to be herself. [​IMG] You cannot put on and be something or someone you are not. She has found that advice a key to her ministry over these years. ;)
     
  18. moeowo2

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    Find someone would will love you and support you and above all someone who loves Christ MORE than you. If she does that everything else will fall into place.

    But I must say don't try and force her to be a perfect pastors wife. No one is perfect no one agrees 100% of the time (even on theology.) And repect and love her. You ask for her qualifications but think about yours too. How do you want to be as a spouse?
     
  19. El_Guero

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    I am an incurable romantic ...
    I am called of God to be a preacher/pastor
    ... and that is a good start for me.

    What I find interesting is what the posts indicate about a pastor's wife.

    In Christ

    Wayne
     
  20. Major B

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    Wayne,

    What you need is a good woman who loves the Lord, is not a new convert, is committed to you, and who is willing to put up with the challenges of the ministry. Then you need to be prepared to support her by protecting her from abusive church members and others who have a "picture" of the pastor's wife.

    I made plain to the church when I was pastoring the following:

    1. My wife was my wife--she was not the associate pastor.

    2. My wife would exercise the gifts that SHE had been given by God, and not those folks wanted her to have.

    3. The "leader of the women" in the church should be the Holy Spirit, but if they were looking for human leadership, that would be the pastor himself, not his wife.

    4. The most important two women in the church are my wife and my daughter.

    5. The most important pastoring job for me was to pastor my own family first.

    6. If anyone had a complaint about my wife, the person to address it to would be ME.

    7. If anyone was prepared to insult my wife, they had better be ready to "pack a lunch," (West Kentucky slang for "you are going to be there for a while...") and they'd better bring some help.

    You can always be led to another church, but if you do not defend your wife, you will be out of the ministry.
     

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