What do we do with our hurt

Discussion in 'Pastoral Ministries' started by Tom Bryant, Jul 7, 2011.

  1. Tom Bryant

    Tom Bryant
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    Ann's post about being hurt in church made me think and talk to some pastor friends and their wives about it.

    How do we keep the hurt from making us bitter or cynical towards church work in general and church members in particular?


    How do we maintain a good attitude and still minister towards those who have hurt us?


    We all know that we ought not to feel bitter. We all know that we ought to minister to those who have hurt. But how do we do that? What steps have helped you?
     
  2. mandym

    mandym
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    First we need to consider ourselves and the way we have and do treat God. Second we need to work for reconciliation and not automatically assume such endeavors are a dead end. Humility and a desire to reach a loving conclusion will always overcome hurt.
     
  3. SBCPreacher

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    There are many simple answers to this, but putting them into practice is tough. Although I don't seem to have much difficulty ministering to those who have attacked or hurt me, I've found it extremely difficult to minister to those who have attacked and hurt my family. I still struggle with that.
     
  4. DiamondLady

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    I have a fairly simplistic attitude towards other people's bad and hurtful behaviors. I look at the cross. What little bit people can tromp on my feelings here on earth is nothing compared to what they did to Christ. It's a matter of choice on my part whether to BE hurt or NOT be hurt. My mother taught me that sticks and stones...well you know the saying...but it's true. It's a choice we make to allow others to hurt us and to hurt our ministry and testimony through that hurt.

    By being hurt I am allowing that person power in my life. I choose not to do that.
     
  5. Tom Bryant

    Tom Bryant
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    That's a struggle we all have.
     
  6. Mexdeaf

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    Wow. Sometimes I wonder if you guys have been looking into my heart.
     
  7. Amy.G

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    I don't think there's a pat or simple answer, but when I hurt (like when my husband of 33 yrs left me 4 months ago), I go to the Psalms and immerse myself there and in prayer and try my best to let God fix it, because I am unable.

    Psalms 57:1 Be merciful unto me, O God, be merciful unto me: for my soul trusteth in thee: yea, in the shadow of thy wings will I make my refuge, until these calamities be overpast.
     
  8. annsni

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    I'm having to just keep my eyes on the cross. I need to remember that even this church is not my home - heaven is - and nothing short of that will be perfect. I also have to weight out what is going on and make a decision because while I can say I won't let it bother me, it does and in some cases, it bothers me because there is sin and sin that is not being reconciled. My husband just told me of a blog post today by CJ Mahaney of him stepping away from his churches for a time to work on restoring relationships between himself and former staff. That speaks a ton. I wish he were my pastor. But he's not and my pastor is not him and I need to make a decision for my spiritual health and fidelity as to whether or not this church is my earthly home for now. I've made the decision that it is most likely not.
     
  9. Jim1999

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    I think those of us who have been in ministry long enough have experienced tough times personally. I had one church where I came to loggerheads with the deacons. I'm not sure whether I quit before they fired me, or vice-versa. I was 2000 miles away from home, but packed my car, books and dog and headed home. I instantly took on another job and never let that experience bother me. I just left it with the Lord, and all worked out to His glory and my benefit.

    I think in everything we must learn to take one step at a time and get on with it.

    Cheers,

    Jim
     
  10. SaggyWoman

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    Sometimes as hard as this is, this is the best way......
     
  11. Crucified in Christ

    Crucified in Christ
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    Tom,
    This is one of the most difficult parts of ministry, but in the cases where I was hurt, I tried to put myself in the other persons/people's shoes to see where they were coming from. Even when their motivation is less than pure, it helps me to see how human we all are. I make it a point to minister to them just as I would anyone else. Of course, the individuals who hurt me the most left the church once they realized that God had not instructed me to move on, despite their objection to His orders. That probably made the situation alot easier to bear.

    I believe that it was Warren Wiersbe who said that the struggle of ministry was learning how to thicken the skin without hardening the heart.
     
  12. Crucified in Christ

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    Ann,
    I think that you are truly showing wisdom in staying until you know what God wants you to do. As much as you love your church, He loves it even more. Things can change very quickly.

    As an illustration: I once served as interim pastor of a church during which time things were going very well. I knew that a powerful clique did not support me for a variety of reasons (preaching on subjects they didn't like, not participating in their gossip, not refusing to work only through them, etc.). After a short time, I was being asked by many members to consider staying on as pastor. While I do not normally think that this is ideal, I felt God leading me in this same direction. Hearing the growing interest among the congregation, this clique asked to meet with me. They told me that I would never be the pastor of the church...that they had the votes to keep me from reaching the 90% needed (they did have the votes).
    Amazingly, over the next few months, the majority voiced their opinion and called this group to task for thinking that they ran the church. A number of the leaders left. Less than six months after that meeting in which I was told I would never be pastor, I was voted in as pastor in a unanimous vote. God can change things...and quite quickly. Keep fighting the good fight!
     
  13. SBCPreacher

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    That's a great quote.
     

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