I notice that whenever I read prayer requests or stories of christians which suffer I don't understand why God doesn't seem to be doing anything and then I ask myself wether God really treats all people the same and wether he never makes mistakes. For example once I heard a story from a pastor who said he was at a christian meeting or conference or something like that and there was a hurting women and a few christians stood around her and tried to cast out demons and all were praying over her but the man said what they were doing was wrong, she needed love and they were only trying to cast out demons out of her. He even tried to tell those christians they were doing the wrong thing but they didn't listen and then the woman killed herself! The next day one of them came to him and admitted that obviously they had not done the right thing. Great! This woman is dead because these christians were not able to help her. Can you understand this? I mean when christians mess up then this is already sad but why didn't God intervene? If suicide really leads to hell then this woman is in hell now because the christians messed it up! Isn't this shocking? When I hear such things then I really get doubts about wether God doesn't make mistakes, but God doesn't make mistakes, the bible says so and this means that even if you feel like God made a mistake you somehow have to force yourself to agree that he did not make a mistake, but what if it doesn't work? What if you simply cannot convince yourself of it? What if you suffer and blame God for it? Sometimes I am really angry at God cause I don't understand him and I wish I could simply get answers from him but not even getting answers makes me even more angry, he's up there and unreachable and you're simply so totally helpless but then at the same time I don't even dare to admit these thoughts of anger or letting them out because I'm also scared of God and then I try to somehow convince myself that my anger is baseless and that it's all my fault and so on but this simply doesn't work. I mean how pathetic is this? I cannot even get angry but have to control myself because if I got angry I woudl be scared of God getting angry at me. This is really a pathetic existence, isn't it? Some christians don't seem to mind anything, no matter what happens they simply say they totally trust God but what if you simply can't do this, what if you simply have too many things you don't understand and then there are also these thoughts like "what if God doesn't love everybody?" or "what if God doesn't treat everybody the same" or "how can God allow something like this" or "what if the bible is simply lying" and then it's totally hard to deal with this because on the one hand you're having all these unanswered questions and on the other hand you feel guilty because you doubt God and as addition to this you're also scared because you're questioning God. This means there are 3 problems at once. 1) questions 2) doubts 3) fear = agony.