What would you do in this situation?

Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by annsni, Jan 15, 2009.

  1. annsni

    annsni
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    I'm not saying it's hypothetical and I'm not saying it's the truth. ;)

    Say there is a person who goes to a church. In time, they begin to get more and more trouble as they stay there. They begin to call the pastor's wife at all times of the day and night accusing her of things. They begins to spread false gossip around the church. She tells the pastor's children untruths about their mother and basically it passes over into stalking the pastor's wife.

    Now, through some looking around and talking to other pastors, you find out this person came from another state and did the same thing there and the woman who was being stalked ended up having to have a restraining order put into place. The pastor finally decides that the only thing that they can do is to get a restraining order themselves and now that one is in place, the person cannot come to this church anymore.

    That pastor finds out through a very reliable source that this person now has her sights set on your church. He calls you to make you aware of the situation (although you've known about the whole situation all through the whole thing since he's a pastor who actually came out of your own church to plant a new church elsewhere). So, with this information, what do you do? (I guess I'm assuming you're the pastor or someone who is in charge enough to make decisions - pretend, OK?)
     
  2. Tom Bryant

    Tom Bryant
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    When someone comes from another church in our area and talks about joining, I always call or contact their former pastor about them. If they left under a cloud - or a hurricane like you're describing - we tell the person that we will not consider them for membership at our church unless they deal with the conflicts and issues of their previous church.

    This has protected us from some folks like your 'hypothetical'. They usually find some other church to infect with their sin.
     
  3. abcgrad94

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    I would be on guard and if she tried to join, she should be told to first deal with the situation she left behind at the old church. She should also be encouraged to seek mental health councelling, I think.

    It's possible she might start attending and just not join, yet still cause trouble. I'd make sure the children at church were very well supervised, and I'd be sure to check the caller ID before answering any phone calls.
     
  4. Revmitchell

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    I would not allow this person to attend until they resolved things with the former church and was currently in good standing.
     
  5. annsni

    annsni
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    Oh - she never became a member at either church. Just a clarification.
     
  6. SBCPreacher

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    I would have no option but to confront her (or have our deacons confront her) about her actions, and let her know that it will not be tolerated here. More than likely, that'll be enough to send her elsewhere.
     
  7. thegospelgeek

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    I would sit with her and a witness, prefeably my wife and or a deacon, and ask her side of the story. I would inform her that I have heard some troubling reports about her past and would like to get clarification from her. I would listen to what she had to say in her defense. Was the entire thing a misunderstanding? Does she have an issue that draws her to pastors and therefore hates their wives? Does she just openly admit to causing strife? Has she repented and resolved issues with the Lord?

    I don't know the answers and neither do any of us until we sit down with her. Evaluate what her previous pastor reported (I assume he is very trustworthy) along with what she said. Seek guidance through prayer. Then make a decision. Most likely when you confront her and ask for the sitdown she will storm off and find another church to destroy.
     
  8. rbell

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    no, no, no.

    You send her to the Jehovah's Witness church!

    That way, she's out of your hair, and you sabatoge a cult!



    (just kidding)

    I echo gospelgeek's approach. It gives her a chance to explain, and make sure that the accounts are accurate. Then, you exercise wisdom and do what you are led to. But at least you can say you've done so without jumping to conclusions.
     
  9. SBCPreacher

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    OK, I change my vote to this. TGG said it better than I did.
     
  10. Jkdbuck76

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    If she is stalking the Pastor's wife and saying lies to the Pastor's kids: I personally wouldn't let it get to that point.

    Oh, I'd take a deacon as a witness and ask her not to come back. Someone like this needs mental help and/or meds.

    Or scientology.

    :tonofbricks:
     
  11. donnA

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    She needs to be confronted with what shes doing in this church to this pastors wife, not what she's supposedly done in some other church. The other pastor should have confronted her on that, you can't do anything about what happened in another church except like someone said, tell her to go and straighten that out before coming to this church, which in itself does not do anything about her present behavior. A person like this could become dangerous if allowed to continue, if some intervention doesn't happen.
     
  12. thegospelgeek

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    donnA..

    Do you think you should wait till she starts trouble before confronting her? Or should you be open with her and inform her of what you have heard and give her the opportunity to defend herself?

    Personnally, I have found that if you meet things headon they tend to much less troublesome. But I can also understand trying to give her a fresh start. I guess it's kinda difficult to tell on a web forum.
     
  13. Salamander

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    sorry dbl post
     
  14. Salamander

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    Simply set up a time for us all to meet and get this settled between them once and for all!
     
  15. EdSutton

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    This is starting to sound awfully detailed to merely be hypothetical.

    Ed
     
  16. annsni

    annsni
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    Ed - check my first post.

     
    #16 annsni, Jan 15, 2009
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 15, 2009
  17. EdSutton

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    I did! And re-read it.

    [Edited to add!] Before I replied. This was merely an observation.

    Ed
     
    #17 EdSutton, Jan 15, 2009
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 15, 2009
  18. donnA

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    If you don't call this starting trouble, I don't know what is.
    from the op=
    When a person is not a member of your church you are limited on what you can do, you can not discipline, and they have not sought out the pastors help for counseling, nothing you can do.
     
  19. Thinkingstuff

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    I always thought that when a person went from one church to another that the new church called the old church for referrence just for issues of that matter. If things have progressed you may want to offer opportunities for mental health assistance for the individual. As a pastor (which I'm not and never really wanted to be one) I would never, ever, ever, ever be alone with that person and request that the staff members would not. If the person has done something that allows for a PDC or something like it than I would have a court order. If not I would consider the liability for the church.
     
  20. Beth

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    sin

    This is a person in unrepentant sin. Assuming that the previous pastors followed Matthew 18 first, before putting in restraining orders, the new prospective pastor should meet this person privately and not allow him or her to come to that fellowship until there is repentance and reconciliation with the previous two situations. ...Matthew 19 should be upheld. This person has a serious problem.

    Beth
     

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