When Pastors fall?

Discussion in 'Pastoral Ministries' started by parsonbob, Sep 3, 2006.

  1. parsonbob

    parsonbob
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    I am a pastor and recently I made a mistake at my church and resigned. I posted my picture on yahoo personals and it was found by someone in the church. It was taken like I was soliciting women. I am happily married. I never spoke to another woman or anyone else. I know what I did was stupid. I repented with tears and asked the church for forgiveness. I am currently pursuing the pastorate again should I tell them about this incident. My wife thinks so. She thinks we should be very open and up front. I have concerns this will only harm my ministry rather than help in the healing process. I have concerns that churches will no longer be interested when they find out about this.
     
  2. bapmom

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    Sir,
    may I ask what you were trying to accomplish through the Yahoo personals? Were you just looking to meet people, or were you searching for more....as in a sinful relationship? If it was more, and you are still calling this a "mistake", than I would daresay you might need to not look for a new church yet. Perhaps you and your wife need some more marriage counselling to see what else is going on and to fix it.

    Beyond that, if they ask why you left than I say tell them. I don't think you'd need to have it be part of your opening sermon in a new church, but the pastoral search committee needs to know what happened. You're right, it might impact their opinion of you, but that's part of the consequences of our actions. We can't run from that, or it means we didn't really repent.
     
    #2 bapmom, Sep 3, 2006
    Last edited: Sep 3, 2006
  3. TaterTot

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    Thankfully, you were stopped before you had an opportunity to "fall" in the usual sense of the word. You are only human, and I do think that having experienced weaknesses can make us a better minister. But, we must make sure that we are not still in the making excuses phase and have truly moved on in life. If there was really nothing to it, then why did you resign a church?

    I am a pastor's wife and I know the pressures of the lifestyle you lead. No, you dont want a church to know negative things about you, but if you arent up front with them, you will always live in fear. I say, tell them.
     
  4. Pastor Larry

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    The pastorate is not a place to carry out the healing process. If this was a recent occurrence, you need to take a number of years off, and submit yourself to the accountability and mutual encouragement of men in a good local church. If this might be an issue, then you are not qualified to be a pastor right now, it seems to me. After a number of years of establishing a faithful track record, and with the approval and counsel of a godly pastor, you could then begin to look for restoration to the ministry. Based on what you have said here, it would be very unwise for you to seek a pastorate at this time.
     
  5. parsonbob

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    I was only trying to meet people and and was not intrested in a sinful relationship
     
  6. parsonbob

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    I resigned because I felt it was best and I felt The Lord leading me to.
     
  7. TaterTot

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    So it wasnt like eharmony or something - Were you pressured to resign your church or did you do it willingly? That kinda gives the appearance of admission of guilt. (Not saying you are guilty - just trying to piece it together)
     
  8. JamieinNH

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    You have been offered great advice in my opinion, but I did want to comment on one thing that struck me in your post.

    You mention that it might hurt "my ministry" if you were to tell the church. I don't think it's your ministry, it's Christ's ministry, and we are only the tools of it.

    If God wants you to preach again, he will present a church in need of a pastor, and if you're honest with the church, and God wants you there, he will touch people's heart and will put you in the church.

    Have faith in God's ability to work through us even though we're not prefect. I wish you the best in your search for answers/solutions/help and a new church, when the time is right.

    Jamie
     
  9. TaterTot

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    Well, it sounds as if it really was just a dumb thing to do, with no intention of picking up women, lol. We meet internet folks all the time, (like here) so I guess I dont see the need for resignation. I am glad that you didnt fall.
     
  10. parsonbob

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    You are right!!!
     
  11. TaterTot

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    Well what was someone in your church doing on Yahoo personals too? lol.

    The internet can be a mess at times. Best wishes to you as you seek to serve Christ. If He has called you, then He has a spot for you.
     
  12. Scarlett O.

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    Forgive me for my crassness.....I am truly sorry.

    A married man does not have to physically meet or have sex with another woman for the relationship to be sinful. I think that everyone here knows that intent is where sin begins.

    After doing a search of "yahoo personals" and having every site I saw refer to is as a "dating service". I am having a hard time believing you were just interested in "meeting people". One site even called yahoo personals the "big Kuhuna of online dating".

    Here a link to yahoo personals. http://personals.yahoo.com/

    (I am taking this from their site)
    "Here How It Works"

    1. Browse - Tell us about your dream date and we'll show you who fits.

    2. Create a Profile - Grab some photos and answer a few questions. It's fun and free!

    3. Flirt and Date - Chat over email. Flirt over Messenger. Meet over coffee.


    Call me a cynical, single woman who's been around the block, but brother, I do not believe your protestations of innocence.

    My prayers for you and your wife.
     
    #12 Scarlett O., Sep 3, 2006
    Last edited: Sep 3, 2006
  13. PastorSBC1303

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    ok can I ask why if he was guilty of wrong doing would he come on the BB and tell about it?

    That just doesn't make sense to me.
     
  14. Scarlett O.

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    If that person was single and could not otherwise find a someone to have a platonic relationship that could possible lead to love and marriage, then online dating is not a sin.

    It's not for me, but there are lots of married couples who met through personal ads, both online and otherwise. Some of them on are the BaptistBoard.
     
  15. LeBuick

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    I agree... He was also honest with his Church yet they let him resign. I'm kind of dissappointed with them but I don't know the full story or past history. Glad to hear your wife is till by your side.

    I also agree with Jamie, "If God wants you to preach again, he will present a church in need of a pastor, and if you're honest with the church, and God wants you there, he will touch people's heart and will put you in the church."

    I wouldn't wear it as a merit badge or mention it just to be mentioning it but I believe it's important for clergy to live honest and open lives. It let's everyone know we are all sinners saved by grace. If you lay it on the alter God is faithful to forgive but you will still have a thorn in your side but not a guilty stain. This is a cross you must bear, so pick it up and move on.
     
  16. Tom Bryant

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    Listen to your wife. Be up front. They will find out anyway. If the search team knows about it, and they are OK with your explanation (which to me, doesn't pass the smell test) then you are back into the ministry.

    But Scarlett is right on in her description of yahoo personals and her take on the situation.

    I am cynical about this, but coming on here just sounds like the song, "That's my story and I'm sticking to it."
     
    #16 Tom Bryant, Sep 3, 2006
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 3, 2006
  17. Major B

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    Pastoral falls

    Six years ago, I was fired from my church for preaching the truth and for being one of the leaders of an area-wide revival that saw over 900 professions of faith in 16 weeks. I had offended a wealthy member by preaching about gambling (no, I did NOT know he was sneaking off to a riverboat casino every week).

    Since then, I get few calls to preach, and every time I've been seriously considered for a pastorate, people from my former church call the prospective church and use lies and innuendo to spike the cadidacy. (I am not even sure what they are saying about us, since no one will tell us.)

    A "certain fraternal organization" was involved, by the way.

    God has led us into a very fruitful and useful counseling ministry, and I teach in a public school.

    So, if you can have your pulpit ministry ended for doing what you are supposed to do, and when there is not even a hint of scandal, your case may be longer and harder to deal with.

    And, if I want to "meet new people" I just give a really hard test that several kids fail, and I will get to meet some new parents. Or, I can go to the redneck gym where I pump iron and meet lots of other old redneck men like myself.

    I don't need to meet any new women. I got to know my wife in Journalism class at Bowling Green (KY) High School in 1968--she really did not like the paper wads I shot at her--and she has been plenty of female companionship.
     
    #17 Major B, Sep 3, 2006
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 3, 2006
  18. gb93433

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    Satan is alive and well but many do not know it. They simply accept it as lack of success or other problems. I do not know of anyone earnestly living for Christ who has not had similar problems. There are always the antagonists and liars who accomodate a good work God is doing.

    I had a professor in seminary who was bad mouthed by a student and telling lies to the trustees. When the professor found out he told the young man that if he did not stop then he would take it to the authorities. The lies immediately stopped.
     
    #18 gb93433, Sep 3, 2006
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 3, 2006
  19. Major B

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    During the last blowup over a prospective church, a state convention official urged me to sue the people for slander. When I said that I did not believe in suing other believers (1 Cor 6:1-8), he said, "They aren't really believers..." The big problem was the "code of silence" of this "certain fraternal organization." I'd never be able to get solid evidence--they make the Mafia seem chatty.
     
  20. Scarlett O.

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    Good for you, brother, for continuing to faithfully serve.

    :laugh: :laugh:
     

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