Why Do Christians Dislike Rebuke, Correction, and Accountability?

Discussion in '2000-02 Archive' started by Jamal5000, May 21, 2002.

  1. Jamal5000

    Jamal5000
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    Hi Everyone,

    Not too long ago, I found out that a fellow Christian of mine was leading a double-life: she was trying to declare that she believed in Christ (She's a backslider) in the light while having causual sex undercover with different men.

    When I discussed this with her and tried to show her in the Bible where her behavior defied God's will, she got mad with me and accused me of making her feel guilty.

    Why do "Christians" hostilly act like this when another Christian tries to show them their error using scripture even if it hurts? It often vexes the Spirit in me. Are we not suppose to rebuke, correct, and forgive our brothers and sisters in Christ? Do they not realize that we show them their errors because we love them like God loves us and that we want them to grow further in the Spirit?

    J5000 [​IMG]

    [ May 21, 2002, 01:08 AM: Message edited by: Jamal5000 ]
     
  2. crazycat

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    Jamal,
    Why does a child hate being corrected by their parents? It is the same concept.
    People don't like to admit they have done wrong. They hate acknowleding their sin. That is why when accepting the gift of salvation, man must realize that they are a sinner Romans 3:23.

    When a proclaimed Christian dispises rebuke it only means two things
    1. they are not really a christian
    2. they are backslidden

    Proverbs 9:7-8
    He that reproveth a scorner getteth to himself shame: and he that rebuketh a wicked man getteth himself a blot.
    Reprove not a scorner, lest he hate thee: rebuke a wise man, and he will love thee.

    Brother you did the right thing to confront her. Her sinful nature has taken over and has controled her. I would advise that you keep praying for her. Don't quit, lest Satan gain the victory!
    Cathy
     
  3. Cindy

    Cindy
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    Jamal, I agree you did the right thing in confronting your friend. However, maybe you need to examine the *way* you confront others. Are you doing it in a spirit of love and concern?

    Remember,a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down. If you go to a fellow Christian with a humble spirit and an attitude of confronting them because you genuinely care about them and their welfare, it will make you much more effective.

    Of course,some people will react with hostility even if you are as loving as can be...I understand that. As crazycat said, people usually don't welcome rebuke. Yet I believe if your love for them is evident...and you've bathed the confrontation with prayer beforehand...your hope of getting through to them is much greater.

    Elizabeth
     
  4. TurboMike

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    Most use half a verse in thier defense by saying, "The Bible says your not suppose to judge.". But they actually need to read the entire chapter of Matthew 7. We are to hold each other accoutable.
     
  5. hrhema

    hrhema
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    Let's not forget that Paul said "Rebuke them before all that all might fear."

    I think you can rebuke someone with love and they will still not react the way you want to. I think Jesus ' ministry is a prime example of this.
    For nearly two years Jesus preached love and mercy and gave us the Beatitudes but notice near the end of his ministry his attitude changed.
    He drove the money changers out of the temple.
    He verbally attacked the religious leaders calling them various names. He rebuked them before all. He was beyond the Beatitudes in his ministry. Showing love and mercy had not changed them so his way of handling things changed.

    No one likes to be corrected but it is for our good. As long as it if fair and handled Biblically then you have done right.
     
  6. Circuitrider

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    Paul's words in Galatians 6:1 apply here, "Brethren, if a man [or woman] be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted."

    A believer who is right with God has a biblical responsibility to go with a meek (quiet strength) spirit and try to restore (reset that which is broken). Proverbs reminds us to wound others is a mark of friendship. As was said before the response is either that of an unbeliever who needs to be saved, or that of a disobedient believer who is out of touch with her Lord and Saviour. :(

    Keep praying for this friend and try with God's help to bring her back to God.

    And by the way, the reason all of us dislike rebuke is because we are sinners! :eek:

    [ May 21, 2002, 09:50 AM: Message edited by: Circuitrider ]
     
  7. MissAbbyIFBaptist

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    Just keep praying for her. I think you did the right thing. I mean, you meant in a kind, helpful way.
    I don't think anyone likes to be told the are wrong, but if she gets right, i'm sure she will be thankful for what you said in the longrun.
    **Abby** [​IMG]
     
  8. FundamentalDan

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    Well, I think that people dislike it because they are being rebuked, corrected, and held accountable. It goes against the grain of human nature. However, you should study what the Bible says in Matthew 18:15-20, and make sure that you are following the correct procedure.

    The three Biblical steps are:
    1. Go to them ALONE. This step is nearly never followed as most Christians go to all their friends first and then to all the church members, and the person who is doing wrong is the last to know.

    2. Go to them with two or three witnesses that every word may be established. They should be made aware that you are seeking their restoration (see Galatians 6:1), but that you cannot knowingly ignore their living in sin.

    3. If they will not listen, take the matter before the church. This is the last resort, and is only if they refuse to listen to the other reasonings. It is then the church's responsibility to act accordingly. If they are not members of your church, that complicates matters considerably.

    But, remember, all of this is done for the purpose of restoration, not to lord over them or make them feel like inferior Christians. The cause of Christ would be helped greatly if Christians just followed Biblical patterns.
     
  9. Jamal5000

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    I agree that we should not "lord" over other Christians and not make them feel inferior. However, can we honestly control how other people feel? Oftentimes, you and I could go to someone an show them their sin using the scripture through the most loving, sweet, firm, honest, and edifying approach possible. Unfortunately, wwe still may make that person angry and guilt-ridden and fearful of your control over their lives and actions.

    Restoration involves repairing someone or something or bringing someone back to her former place. Do you think this happens painlessly without the person ever feeling hurt about their possible wrongdoing?

    [​IMG]
    J5000
     
  10. Multimom

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    My experience has been that when people are confronted with their sin, they become angry because they already feel guilty.

    Your friend is obviously living outside of God's word and actually Biblical correct now indicates that you should take someone with you and confront her. If she still refuses to hear, you take more witnesses, if she still refuses to hear and repent she should be confronted before the church. If she still operates her sinful life style and ignores this confrontation, biblically she should be dismissed from the church.

    Alot of people will say, this won't love her back, but you know there is something to be said for "comforting the sinner on his way to hell."

    I know of a church that did this because the wife of a deacon was having an affair with another deacon. She refused to back down and she was removed from the church. Unfortunately the name of the adultering deacon was never revealed and he continued his mockery of the deacon service even while continuing this affair. I know this is true because the "woman" is my mother-in-law.

    I think you should appropriately pray and seek much counsel regarding the further confrontation of your friend. I would encourage you to speak with your pastor without naming names and see what happens.

    I know a woman, personally, who is a firm Baptist and attends church every time the doors are open, but her choice of profession is that she is a strip dancer in the largest strip club in Texas.

    Needless to say her church "family" doesn't know what she does.
     
  11. Ernie Brazee

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    Someone needs to expose this deacon. How can the church succeed for the Lord when a deacon is making a mockery of the church with his ungodly behavior. if you know who it is, you are doing the church a diservice by not alerting your pastor.

    Ernie
     
  12. Jamal5000

    Jamal5000
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  13. Jamal5000

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    Would that not be tattling? Or does the bible allow of us Christians to tattle under certain conditions? I'm not sure.

    :)J5000
     
  14. Multimom

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    The deacon I referred to is now well over 70 and is so retired that he no longer even attends church. He kept up this affair with my now mother-in-law for over 12 years.

    Which ended badly, she attempted suicide more than once, she stopped parenting her son (my husband) in favor of this affair leaving him with a dad who remarried too soon and also stopped parenting him so that he could be a Newly wed husband.

    In essence this affair effect more than my mother-in-law. Truth is she was his undercover "prostitute" for nearly 12 years and what she did destroyed her family while this man went on untouched. Had I been a member of that church at that time (nearly 20 years ago) and I had know, you better believe that I would have spoken up.

    My husband is a sweet man who loves me and our children, but his relationship with his parents is more than uncomfortable and strained because he took on the responsibility of raising himself at about 14. By the time he was 16 he wasn't living at home anymore. He moved in with a roommate, took a job working 40 hours a week, and still managed to graduate from highschool on time after which he entered the Air Force.

    Talk about overcoming your circumstances.
     
  15. Molly

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    Jamal,

    Matthew 18 is the biblical mandate for church discipline.
     
  16. Ernie Brazee

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    Maybe this is another thread but a comment on "tattling." This is a Satanic mind set that is destroying people and society!

    While on jury duty a judge explained to us that to know of a crime and not report it makes one as guilty as the one who committed the crime.
    Does god expect any less from his people? Aren't we to keep the church pure? Isn't that what Matthew 18 is all about.

    No, it isn't tattling. When we keep silent we are party to the sin!!!

    Ernie
     
  17. Jamal5000

    Jamal5000
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    Ernie,

    Thank you so much for clearing that up. I agree with your explanation.

    God Be With you

    [​IMG] J5000
     
  18. Joseph_Botwinick

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    Would that not be tattling? </font>[/QUOTE]It would only be considered tattling if you were a Catholic Cardinal... :D :( :eek:
     
  19. Dr. Bob

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    Okay, let's be honest. I won't start a poll on it because I think I'd know the answer before I started.

    Say at work today you messed up an assignment. The boss or foreman or office manager is heading your way. You KNOW WHAT IS COMING

    How many of us LIKE to be rebuked, corrected or put under authority/accountability to someone else?

    It is not human nature to like such self-effacing conduct. We want even our preaching and our church to scratch the surface-needs; make us feel good about ourselves; tickle our ears; stroke our egos; give us self-esteem, personal success, and psychological significance; and don’t give us long, weighty Bible messages.

    What we want and what we need are not necessarily synonymous! [​IMG]
     
  20. Ernie Brazee

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    Dr Bob wrote:
    This seems to be the problem with the majority of churches today. They are getting what they want rather than what they need. Wishy washy, man pleasing preachers!! Yuk!!!

    Praise God for our pastor who still preaches what God gives him to preach not what we want.

    Ernie

    [ May 23, 2002, 08:53 AM: Message edited by: Ernie Brazee ]
     

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