Why Men Hate Going to Church

Discussion in 'Books / Publications Forum' started by Deacon, Aug 5, 2005.

  1. Deacon

    Deacon
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    Why Men Hate Going to Church
    by David Murrow
    Nelson Books, March 2005
    ISBN 0-7852-6038-2
    224 pages, $13.99
    http://www.churchformen.com


    From the book:
    • The typical U.S. Congregation draws an adult crowd that’s 61% female, 39% male. This gender gap shows up in all age categories.

    • On any given Sunday there are 13 million more adult women than men in America’s churches.

    • This Sunday almost 25 percent of married, churchgoing women will worship without their husbands.

    • Midweek activities often draw 70 to 80 percent female participants.

    • As many as 90 percent of the boys who are being raised in church will abandon it by their 20th birthday. Many of these boys will never return.

    • More than 90 percent of American men believe in God, and five out of six call themselves Christians. But only two out of six attend church on a given Sunday. The average man accepts the reality of Jesus Christ, but fails to see any value in going to church.

    David Murrow accuses believers today of feminizing Christianity.
    We strive to create a stable security-oriented church environment that promotes love, relationships, responsibility and unity. (See the BB poll on Church Participation)
    Men and young adults (18-29) are looking for a bold adventurous challenge-oriented environment. Competition, adventure, independence, and risk (or heroic sacrifice) are not values that we find in today's church.

    Today’s church has a “women and children first” mentality. I see it in my church. We use the AWANA program and our Daycare ministry to draw families into the ministry. Our position is that if we can get the kids to church, we will eventually draw the whole family. Unfortunately the strategy isn’t working as well as we’d like. We can draw the women and children, but male presence is lagging. My church is typical of congregation’s worldwide.

    Men are attracted to masculine activities. The military, competitive sports and even Moslems do not have trouble recruiting men into their groups (Moslems have tripled in number since the 1950’s). The widespread opinion among men is that ”Church is for women, children and wimps.” “Men regard Church like a prostrate exam; it’s something that can save their lives, but it’s so unpleasant…”

    Morrows solutions are not easy.
    He challenges pastors but doesn’t stop there.
    Restoring the masculine spirit doesn’t mean adjusting our present activities to make men more tolerant. It means meeting men’s needs.
    In the last half of the book David Murrow explores what men are looking for and recommends some ways that today’s churches can begin to draw men into their ministries.
    Now there’s a challenge.

    I’d highly recommend this book for both men and women and their pastors.

    Rob
     
  2. Ps104_33

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    Over the years alot of women have fallen victim to the feminist movement and have stopped being ladies and want to take over men's roles in the church. (female pastors, deacons, teachers.etc) And we as men of the church are letting them get away with it.
    Also I think alot of men are too lazy to get up Sun. morn for church and also see it as a way to get their wife and kids out of the house for a couple of hours and have some time to themselves.
    Some men resent the fact of their wives using their pastor as a standard as to how they expect their husbands to be. "Some of you wimpy men in this congregation need to put the pants on blah, blah.........,"
    I know a church in Pensacola Fla., Bible Baptist Church, Pastor Peter S. Ruckman, who has a predominintly male congragation, as well as the Bible college there. The emphasis is Bible teaching and nothing but the Bible.
     
  3. Deacon

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    It appears that the church, while taking a solid stand against feminism, has become a bastion for women.

    Murrow actually discourages women from calling Christ their husband. It's very UNscriptural!
    Gender roles and womens standards (and men's) are discussed in the book.

    And Murrow discourages women from nagging their lazy husbands to go to church each week.
    Men will go to a church that meets their needs.

    What are the masculine positions offered to the average joe in church?
    Well there's ushering...
    Then building committee and grounds work...
    ...and then the pastor. Not much room for newly converted men in church... so sure, it's boring.
    The book does call men to act like men. It also points to standard practices within our church that work well for women and are commonly thrust upon men. Such as the touchy, feely, confess all type conferences.

    The author asks to be contacted if anyone knows of any predominantly male congregation (barring speciality congregations like in the military and those associated with homosexuality).

    What is Pastor Ruckman doing differently from all the other pastors? Could it be that men are drawn to militancy, be it right or wrong???

    Rob
     
  4. Ps104_33

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    In the Church I attended up north, (not too far from you Deacon, Fairless Hills Pa.) we had a men's retreat every year and would have a speaker that would speak to us in the morn and evening to pump us up. We also did alot of "manly" things like shoot our guns, play basketball, fish, etc. It was a real blessing to get up in the morning and look around the beautiful upstate Pa landscape and see all the men having their quiet time alone with God. I looked forward to this every year.
    But we still had our share of women coming to church w/o their husbands. Husbands that supposedlt accepted Christ as their Savior as well as women with unsaved husbands. We also had saved man with unsaved wives but that was much rarer.
    Peter Ruckman is definitely a "man's preacher". He is in his 80's and still plays ice hockey on a regular basis.

    (btw, I think this post has much potential and should be moved to another forum.)
     
  5. mioque

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    Interestingly enough Ruckman is almost uniformly denounced on this board as a lunatic. Considering the bits and pieces I've read of his work I can't blame the boardmembers for doing so, but I'm a woman.

    Reading the summary of Murrow's book I'm strongly reminded of an observation a prominent feminist once made. I think it was Simone de Beauvoir.
    There is a tendency that if the % of women working in a repected male dominated profession get's larger the profession becomes less respected and if the % of women keeps growing men will start to avoid joining that profession untill it's a far less respected female dominated profession. The same principle may very well apply to churches.
     
  6. TexasSky

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    Our deacons have approached this problem with success by scheduling some very male-activities. Instead of retreats being just another sermon and song time, retreats include hunting, fishing, auto-repair, etc.
     
  7. Kiffen

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    Could the answer to the problem be more simple. The reason most Men hate Church is because they are lost? An unregenerate person always will hate Church.
     
  8. LarryN

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    Here's an example of a local men-only retreat that I've seen promoted around Minnesota:

    http://troutlakecamp.org/Files_MP/Tool_File_61_01.pdf

    Notice that in addition to the numerous chapel sessions there are many sports activities- and a big steak fry on Saturday evening.

    Of course, "masculine Christianity" was the basic idea between John Eldredge's recent bestseller Wild at Heart. Any men here read it?
     
  9. benz

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    lazy to get up Id think- Up until recently i did not attend church regularly either- Once the holy spirit revives you you feel excited to go to church...i dunno just my 2C
     
  10. TexasSky

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    Kiffen,

    It would be inaccurate to assume that every saved Christian male enjoys attending church, and it would be inaccurate to assume the cause is the man. I've known many men who read their bibles, pray, even witness to others who view church as a duty that is as "enjoyable" as teeth pulling; when it SHOULD be a joyful fellowship for them.
     
  11. Jeffrey H

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    Sometimes, but not always. I'm don't agree with the direction my church is taking which is making it more difficult to serve with enthusiasm.
     
  12. Deacon

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  13. Kiffen

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    I agree with you BUT I am primarily referring not to Men like you describe but those who refuse to come to Church. This usually shows a deeper spiritual problem that will not be solved by adding programs.



    Like I said to Texas Sky, I am referring primarily to men who don't attend Church. Men who are negligent on being spiritual leaders to their wife and children in their home by refusing to come to Church have spiritual problems.
     
  14. just-want-peace

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    I firmly believe that if ANY church did this, every other activity would be a far second in influence to drawing people to this church!!!!!


    Yes! Good book.

    One of the biggest problems with men today is the emasculation/feminizing/dumbing down of the male species by society as a whole.

    Watch TV and find just one ad during a month that does not make the Dad some sort of comical buffoon at best; usually he's portrayed as simply stupid & Mom has to solve all the problems! No difference in the idiotic programs so prevalent either.

    Of course this all goes 180 degrees to the standard in God's Word, so you can see why satan has managed to get this type of idea to predominate.

    MARANATHA!!!!
     
  15. NateT

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    I agree that we need not to feminize men. Men need to be men and women need to be women. But if we're adding programs such as sports programs etc, are they really coming to church? We had a softball team at one church I was on. We recruited several friends to come and play. Of all the men who showed up to play, only a handful showed up for services. Then after the season was over, we never saw them again.

    I don't think adding programs is going to make men come to church.

    Additionally, a lot of the 'men focused' groups I've seen have had very little in them to even indicate that it was a church group. They are support groups to encourage men to be the best X they can be and have typically had little biblical support.
     
  16. Brian30755

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    I don't think it could have been said any better, Nate!
     
  17. rlvaughn

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    I think that there is a general problem with men and church, and part of it is summed up in what Kiffen says.

    Aren't the percentages also skewed somewhat by the fact that women outnumber men in the overall population? I think that is correct, though I'm not sure by how much.
     
  18. Servent

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    [

    And Murrow discourages women from nagging their lazy husbands to go to church each week.
    Men will go to a church that meets their needs.

    Im sure am glad my wife never stoped nagging
     

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