World History - As it really happened

Discussion in 'Politics' started by just-want-peace, Jan 4, 2006.

  1. just-want-peace

    just-want-peace
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    Received via e-mail [​IMG]

    Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer & would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in winter.

    The 2 most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the
    catalyst for the splitting of humanity into 2 distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.

    Once beer was discovered it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be
    invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

    Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as "the Conservative movement."

    Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal
    movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as 'girliemen.'

    Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy and group hugs and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives
    provided.

    Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

    Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.

    Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.

    Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for
    their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys,
    lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police
    officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who
    works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

    Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in
    Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tame and created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.

    Here ends today's lesson in world history:

    It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it. A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other "true believers." [​IMG]
     
  2. Daisy

    Daisy
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    Hyuck, hyuck liberals dumb hyuck, hyuck
     
  3. gb93433

    gb93433
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    That story was rather funny but the generalizations are not always true.

    The number one producing state in the US is one of the most liberal. It also sets the standard for most everything and the others follow years later.

    In Texas hunters don’t hunt they just feed the deer and then shoot them while the deer are eating. In the west a hunter actually hunts to get a deer or other animal. On the east coast the deer actually come close enough so that someone can use a shotgun to kill one.
     
  4. hillclimber

    hillclimber
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    It sure brings you liberals outa the woodwork huh?
    A hit dog howls. Humor is so funny when it's tied to some truth.
     
  5. gb93433

    gb93433
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    I thought it made both conservatives and liberals look rather silly.
     
  6. gb93433

    gb93433
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    Liberals - go to church, don't believe the Bible and shot at by the conservatives for not believing the Bible, aim to do nice social things, invites the local Mormon bishop and the yoga teacher and the Unity Church pastor to find ways to make peace in the community, never takes a stand for Christ above social issues, and are lukewarm in practice.

    Conservatives - go to church, claim to believe the Bible, shot at by the liberals for believing the Bible, call social things a social gospel, think by making laws and boycotting Disney and other businesses will make people change, comes out with a Bible study calling it making disciples when it is just another intellectual exercise, only takes a stand when it will further their agenda and are lukewarm in practice.

    Radicals - go to church, believe the Bible, make disciples, practice what the Bible teaches, shot at by the liberals and conservatives for being too radical, cares about social issues as a way to reach people for Christ, takes a stand for Christ even when it will cost them everything, does more than they talk about, and is radical in their practice.

    Conservatives and liberals are nothing more than the lukewarm than Jesus spoke of. They are the religionists. They have a statement of faith for convenience.

    The radicals are the obedient to what Jesus calls His disciples to a life of. They are those who James refers to as having a genuine saving faith. Their statement of faith is known by their radical obedience to Christ and the message they proclaim at all times.

    Isn't it rather obvious which one is called of God?
     

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