Worldly dress problems!

Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by Ingo Breuer, Jun 7, 2008.

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  1. Ingo Breuer

    Ingo Breuer
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    I am sure most of you at baptistboard.com are aware of what the Bible teaches on the issue of dress, God's definition of nakedness and the call for modest apparel as well as separation from the world. (More info)
    I have a problem with several in-laws who have no respect for Christian standards. They belong to a more worldly-minded church where they don't get taught Bible doctrine. Unfortunately, the most notorious person, lives right across from our house. Whenever my daughter visits her great-grandmother across the road she is immediately being re-dressed with immodest shorts, sleeveless tops and other junk. This person has no respect for the opinions of the father. The mother has deserted me recently and dropped out of church and become wordly. too. What can I do in such a situation? How can I deal with an in-law that opposes herself on almost every issue and deliberately ignores everything I teach my daughter and then tries to wrap my daughter around her finger by constantly buying her wordly pleasures (immoral toys, unhealthy food, endless TV ...). What can I do to ensure that my daughter is not being accustomed to the sinful things of life. My daughter is 4 years old and you know that the things that a child is taught at that age kind of sets the stage for the rest of the life according to Proverbs 22:6, Isa. 7:15, Jer. 13:23. Thank you for any helpful suggestions.
     
  2. Brother Shane

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    Your answer... say "NO!" A parent that doesn't say "no" isn't a good parent at all! If that woman wants to visit with your child, have her over at your house under your supervision. But I'm not sure how that will work out considering (if I have it right) your wife is worldly too. I'll be praying for you, Brother. PS - Some will tell you on here that there is nothing wrong with the nakedness you described, but let them fool you not. I am very happy to see a father standing up for the truth.
     
  3. Gayla

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    Definitely put your foot down about the re-dressing!
    You are her father, you dress her, they should accept that.
    Your child, your rules.
     
  4. Joe

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    Brother Shane, you offer excellent advice.

    We had a similar problem. My parents were viewing p*rnography while our son was sleeping once. We allowed them to babysit a few times, but I would pop in frequently. He was a toddler. They felt it was ok to view this in his presence. I asked them not to watch it in his presence but they went against me, as I supsected they would.

    Eventually we needed to threaten to cut off the relationship because they refused to straighten up. Wouldn't adhere to our rules of seeing our son only under our roof, under our supervision. So they made life h*ll. Calling often and trying to make our son think we were keeping him from them.

    For years he beieved they wouldn't do such a thing. And couldn't completely grasp why we weren't going over there to visit them. So one day, I gave in and agreed to let him visit. He was 7 years old at the time. We planned he would call me right when they put on the p*rn movie. He called so we picked him up at the end of their road. He was crying, as he had never be exposed to stuff like that. He needed to learn for himself what I was saying, my concerns. Then Mom frantically called saying he was missing. She was furious to find out he took off without telling her. For a few days, she called and left mean messages on our machine. When she calmed down, our son asked them if they would be willing not to play that stuff so he could visit them, they refused. It was awful, he was really hurt. I was absolutely furious.

    It was then we decided to sever ties with them. Upon learning they wouldn't see us again, they they got better. Not perfect, but somewhat better. Still....when it was time to open presents on Christmas, our son would be upset because we would be forced to miss opening presents under the tree due to the demand to watch Christmas Vacation. Relatives backed them up, told us to leave if we were that touchy. This movie is not not p*rn, but not something appropriate for a young boy.

    When Grandparents can't even honor a simple request of this nature, then something is wrong.

    I believe you should put your foot down. Only allow them to see your child under your roof, under your supervision.
     
    #4 Joe, Jun 7, 2008
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 7, 2008
  5. menageriekeeper

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    You don't have a modesty problem. You have an authority problem.

    I'd put my foot down about the redressing as well and I don't have a problem with a 4 year old in a sleeveless top or shorts. That the great-grandmother changes your daughter's clothing, undermines your authority and if you allow it in this case it'll only get worse.

    Unless there is a pressing reason for your daughter to be at her GGM's I'd simply keep her home for a few days. Tell your daughter a simplified version of the truth: You don't like GGM making her wear clothes you don't approve of. Even a 4 year old can understand this.

    Tell GGM that the very next time you find she has changed the child into clothes you don't approve of, that will be the last time she visits unsupervised and stick with it! (even when your daughter pulls the whiney, "but I looooove GGM!" teary eyed routine) This will be a good lesson for them both that you are the father and you hold the authority.

    Of course a nice way to put it to your daughter is not "because I said so!" That'll just push her away from you. Instead, say that this is not about whether or not she love GGM or that GGM loves her, but that there are certain times when GGM must follow your rules and this is one of them. Tell her that God gave her to you, and that you have to answer to God for what you allow her to do.

    Now, as for worldly toys and immodest dress, please make certain that your definition of those lines up with what the Bible truely says and not what your preacher/church/denomination say. Search out the scriptures for yourself on these things.

    Somewhere around here, we just had a whole discussion on wardrobes. I'm sure you can search it out.
     
  6. Brother Shane

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    Clothing (in terms of taken away) + "less" = NOTmodest!
     
  7. Magnetic Poles

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    I believe the parent's wishes are the rule here, but I don't understand how seeing the upper part of an arm is more titillating than the rest of the arm in sleeveless shirts. :confused:
     
  8. menageriekeeper

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    Noooooooo MP doooooonnnnnn"tttttt! Please, let's not have another discussion on this. We just had one a week or so back! :eek: :eek:

    If you start a new one, you get to argue with Shane! I did it last time! :D
     
  9. sag38

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    Perhaps we just need to dress women in burka's (I guess that's the right spelling) to include even four year old girls. Then we'd be safe to say that everything is covered.
     
  10. tinytim

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    The real issue in this thread is parental rights...

    The parent has the right to dress their child anyway the parent sees fit...

    Even if it were in the FDLS outfits! or Burkas...
    It is the Parent's right, and the granny has to be spoken to about it.

    If the Parent's rights are overlooked here, it will get worse in the teenage yrs...
    And then the problem won't be as simple as dress...
    It will get worse...

    The problem is not dress.. that is the symptom of the real problem.. .
    Granny is undermining the Parent's authority...

    That has to be stopped.
     
  11. Steven2006

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    I would seriously consider moving. They obviously not only do not respect you, but likely are going to make it hard for you because of the situation between you and their daughter. Moving would help to lessen this problem.
     
  12. sag38

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    While I don't see anything wrong with a four year old girl wearing shorts and halter tops this is a parent's issue. Granny and I would have a talk and she would stop undermining my authority or my little girl wouldn't be visiting Granny anymore.
     
  13. blackbird

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    Your daughter is four years old and you allow others to "redress" her??? You need to "get a grip" on that relative/neighbor of yours-----under NO circumstance is your daughter to be "redressed"----and you tell that relative that from here on out-----YOU will buy the clothes your four year old daughter will wear!!! Your four year old is YOUR jurisdiction----your possession and you will share her with no one

    YOU are gonna have to hunker down and tell this relative where the rubber meets the road----loose a neighbor/relative???? Maybe----but it sure beats loosing a four year old daughter
     
  14. Deacon

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    Pick your battles.
    I’m not sure this one is worth fighting.

    1. Other than you, the people most helpful in raising a child are relatives.
    2. Other than you, the people most available to your child are relatives.
    3. The people most likely to be forgiving of your faults are your relatives.

    Approach them with a gentile spirit (Galatians 6:1-3).

    If you confront them in anger and force your authority (as others have suggested) your daughter will learn:

    1. Dad's mean.
    2. Dad doesn't let me dress in cool, comfortable clothing.
    3. I can get what I want outside of my home.

    Rob
     
  15. freeatlast

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    MOVE! and keep your daughter away from this person no matter how they are related.


     
  16. menageriekeeper

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    Deacon, I don't think anyone has suggested being mean or ugly to this grandmother, but really it is most inappropriate for the grandmother to redress a child because she doesn't like the clothes the child is wearing.

    Ingo can put his foot down on this issue without being ugly, but it appears from the frustration in his OP that he has already tried nice to no avail. When someone insists on disrespecting his authority, it is time to move on from nice to firm. And if firm means cutting off access to the child, so be it. Nothing gets a grandmothers attention faster than not being allowed to see the child. I know, I've been there. Had to it. (and make my case plural as I had to stand against both my own parents)
     
  17. Deacon

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    Just wanted to provide another opinion.

    A gentle spirit will prevail where a confrontation might provoke.

    Perhaps Ingo should take his daughter and relatives out on a shopping trip and together pick appropriate clothing that everyone approves.

    Rob
     
  18. Cutter

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    Why, in heavens name, should a father have to take the whole family out to shop for the clothes of his daughter?

    What an inane and foolish suggestion.
     
  19. Deacon

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    Call me crazy...

    My, that was a gentle response. :tonofbricks:

    I thought I already provided the answer.

    1. Other than you, the people most helpful in raising a child are relatives.
    2. Other than you, the people most available to your child are relatives.
    3. The people most likely to be forgiving of your faults are your relatives.

    Rob
     
    #19 Deacon, Jun 8, 2008
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 8, 2008
  20. Cutter

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    Take two aspirins and burn your "It takes a village" book by morning. :laugh:
     
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