YOU MIGHT BE A PASTOR IF... ~ Everybody stops talking when you enter the room. ~You've ever lied at a funeral. ~ You always read the obituaries. ~ You've ever suffered anxiety attack while playing Bible Trivia Pursuit. ~ You wonder why people who have some time to kill want to spend it with you. ~ You get your second wind when you say "And in conclusion" ~ The ideas you bounce off board members really do. ~ Your car tires are balding faster than your head. ~ You wish someone would steal some of your sheep. ~ You've seen more religion at a pool hall than you've seen at a Church cricket match. ~ Your Bible has more side notes than printed text. ~ "Annual Church Meeting" and "Armageddon" are one and the same to you. ~ You jiggle all the toilet handles before you leave the church building. ~ You've waded in a creek wearing a necktie. ~ You've ever dreamed you were preaching only to waken and discover that you were. ~ You'd rather negotiate with terrorists than the church organist. ~ You see a picnic as no picnic. ~ You've ever wanted to fire the church and form a congregation search committee. ~ You've been tempted to take up an offering at a family reunion. ~ You've ever wanted to give the sound man some feedback of your own. ~ You've ever wanted to lay hands on a deacon, and you didn't mean praying for him. ~ You often feel like you are herding cats instead of shepherding sheep. ~ Your sermons have a happy ending...everyone's happy when it ends. ~ You've never preached on TV, because your wife made you get down before you broke something. ~ You feel that it is your job to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.