Your Views on Domestic Violence?

Discussion in 'News / Current Events' started by righteousdude2, Sep 19, 2014.

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Your Views on Domestic Violence?

  1. It is a problem, and our church has planned to address it.

    3 vote(s)
    27.3%
  2. It is not a problem in our church.

    2 vote(s)
    18.2%
  3. We provide counseling; and have a list of safe houses.

    3 vote(s)
    27.3%
  4. We refer individuals for counseling.

    3 vote(s)
    27.3%
  5. Abusive leaders would be asked to step down.

    6 vote(s)
    54.5%
  6. If abuse poses a danger for spouse and kids, divorce is a viable option!

    6 vote(s)
    54.5%
  7. Divorce is not an option; ever!

    1 vote(s)
    9.1%
  8. Our staff is trained in spotting abuse and reporting it.

    3 vote(s)
    27.3%
  9. As the pastor, I think direct intervention is necessary.

    4 vote(s)
    36.4%
  10. God can change the person. So we want the family to stick it out!

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
Multiple votes are allowed.
  1. righteousdude2

    righteousdude2
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    Thanks to the now-infamous elevator video of NFL star running back knocking out of then girlfriend/now wife; the ugly truth of domestic violence has been brought to the forefront.

    When I ask what is "Your Views on Domestic Violence?" I am interested in knowing what you as an individual feels about the subject, and what you and your church do when domestic violence hits close to home?

    As a pastor, or deacon, or youth leader, or member of the church, what would you tell a victim of domestic violence, especially when it comes to staying in the marriage?

    I think this is a relevant question for today's church to address, and I was wondering what provisions your church have taken to discipline leaders who may be involved in abusing a spouse?

    What contingency plans does your church have in place to help an abused wife or woman, and if kids are involved, get to a safe place?

    Does your church offer counsel directly, or do they have an arrangement to refer abused families for help outside the church?

    In the past, and I'm talking 30 to 40 years ago; most churches turned a blind eye and a deaf ear from domestic abuse, and the only advice offered to an abused and battered woman was to be the good wife; think of your kids; trust Jesus to protect you and make things better; and simply stick it out because that was the wifely thing to do!

    Today, that may not be the proper advice to give an abused spouse. In fact, more churches than ever, have set up contingency plans for such cases. They don't always happen, but when they do, from the Sunday School teacher, to the youth minister, to the church secretary, churches have trained their staff to recognize the signs of abuse, and how to address it in such a way that it doesn't scare the family member away from help.

    Staff know what to do, and where to get a family member or members the help they need, and this is important.

    So, what has your church done to address this not too common problem, and secure a safe place if needed for the spouse and kids, and step in if asked, to provide spiritual leadership?

    Personally, I think this is the time and place for the church to step up and discuss this, because being a Christian doesn't mean abuse can't and won't take place! So maybe we can have a dialogue of sorts and get some ideas from each other as to how the topic is being addressed at the loca church level!

    :thumbs: Thanks for sharing. I happen to think this is important! :thumbsup:
     
  2. gb93433

    gb93433
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    When it happens in the church the men must step up and confront it and the person doing it. Until that time it is still swept under the rug and in the closet.
     
  3. SaggyWoman

    SaggyWoman
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    Church is no place for DV, but I am certain that it happens on all levels and should be addressed.
     
  4. Yeshua1

    Yeshua1
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    Sometime think men hide behind being head of the household, and the wives must submit to them, to excuse that!
     
  5. Reynolds

    Reynolds
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    In my years working as a police officer, I came to the realization that men are the victims of domestic violence as often as women. Many men are abused by their wives/girl friends. The big difference is that men usually do not report the abuse. Many times the woman starts the fight and the man simply wins it.
    Mental abuse is as real, as dangerous, and as hurtful as physical abuse.
    I do not condone abuse in any way. I think we, as a church, should be aware that the woman is not necessarily the victim when we deal with these issues.
     
  6. righteousdude2

    righteousdude2
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    My second wife was mentally abusive, but once that crossed over to physical abuse, and a real threat on my life, I was gone and the marriage was over. As a Christian psychologist told me, life is too short, and I should take her threats as real. Women kill men as often as men kill women in marriage.

    I had to call the police twice on her. Once when she broke into my office and jumped over my desk and started beating on me. It took two insurance salesman in the office next to me to come to my aid, pull her off, and detain her until the cops showed up!

    The second time was outside the court house following the approval of our divorce. We were only married for 11 months, but she wanted alimony, and because she worked as an RN and made more money than me, and due to the short time in the marriage, her petition for alimony was denied.

    She was so angry that she ran towards me, and started hitting me all over the face and upper body! What kept me from being injured was my friend, a county sheriff, who decided to accompany me to court as a friend and body guard. It took him, and several other police officer's several minutes to pull her off me, throw her to the ground and cuff her!

    I never thought a man could be abused until this happened, and for three years, she stalked me, showing up everywhere I was. I was taught t respect a woman, and told to never lay a hand on a woman. Even when she was confrontational, I never hit her. I did my best to avoid her aggression and get far from her!

    Abuse in relationships is real, and it comes in both men and women as aggressors! BTW - as a man, I was embarrassed to call the cops or tell anyone. But the night she held a knife to my throat and told me not to close my eyes that night, was when my shrink friends words hit home. I went to a hotel, and left the next day while she was on shift at the hospitol.

    The office attack was not me who called the cops. It was the peple in that office complex. And my sheriff friend knew of her violence, and wouldn't let me go to court without him!

    Thanks for pointing this out. I don't know if any other men on the board have been abused, but it would be great if they shared their story too! :wavey:
     
  7. blessedwife318

    blessedwife318
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    My own experience with DV as a child was handled very poorly by the church we were going to. In an effort to 'bring about reconciliation' the pastor of the church would give information to my dad despite their being a restraining order and there was a lot of pressure on my mom to just forgive and forget without ever getting all the details of what happened to us. Needless to say we left that church but I had to live with the stigma within the church community of not having a dad in the picture for many many years. It is by God's grace that I'm not bitter toward the Christianity in general for how I was treated in the aftermath of DV.
     
  8. Sapper Woody

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    I personally think that DV falls under infidelity. You have broken that person's trust, and weren't faithful to them. With this being said, infidelity is grounds for divorce. Counseling a victim of DV is similar to counseling a victim of a cheating spouse. There's trust issues, and an introspective "what did I do wrong" attitude that must be overcome.
     
  9. Use of Time

    Use of Time
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    I like this. I was recently in a bible study with some hardline opinions being tossed around that there were no true reasons for divorce in the bible for things like spousal abuse. I tend to think like you are on this one Woody. I have two daughters and I wouldn't want some guy to use their Christian beliefs as a means of controlling and abusing them. I would definitely support their decision to abandon such a situation.
     
    #9 Use of Time, Sep 24, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 24, 2014
  10. righteousdude2

    righteousdude2
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    That was an unfortunate story. Sad to say there are still churches in all denominations that still believe and practice the type of DV intervention you spoke of. Lucky for you and your mom, you got out alive. Many don't! So glad you never gave up on Jesus. The church is fallibale, He is infallible!. You chose wisely! Shalom and blessings and prayer that you never face this again!
     
  11. blessedwife318

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    Thank you for your kind words. As you can see I by my name I considered myself blessed by the husband God gave me. He and his family have shown me what family is suppose to be like and I have their protection now. God is faithful, and I have seen Him use my past to help others. Someday I hope that the majority of churches are safe havens from DV and I think talking about it is one of the solutuons.
     
  12. righteousdude2

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    Well because I've been there and had that [abuse} done to me, I think I am more sensative to DV, as well as child abuse.
     
  13. 12strings

    12strings
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    MY View?

    "I AM AGAINST DOMESTIC VIOLENCE."
     
  14. Earth Wind and Fire

    Earth Wind and Fire
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    I can well understand after all the beatings you took from your wife...:laugh:

    just playing....but didn't she tell ya Not to go on the Board.....so are you disobeying momma san? Bad Boy, Bad Boy....:laugh:
     
  15. 12strings

    12strings
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    She "encouraged" me not to debate, due to the potential for un-christ-like interactions. It is hard to stay away though, this place can suck you in...I keep checking on it from time to time, and insert a few things, but try not to debate.

    (I assume no one disagrees with my thorough and exhaustive treatise on Domestic Violence?)
     
  16. gb93433

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    If a guy did that his beliefs are not Christian beliefs. They are his beliefs. A relative of mine who is now a retired police officer once told me that a man who hits a woman is a coward and would never do that to a man. So far from what I have observed that seems 100% correct.
     
  17. percho

    percho
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    Made me think of a couple of movies. "Tank," and "Enough,".

    Me thinks it will be with us until, "Our, Father which art in heaven---".
     
  18. pinoybaptist

    pinoybaptist
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    I have never abused my girlfriends, ever, even before conversion, and gotten into bad scrapes with my sisters' and cousins boyfriends and/ or husbands even after conversion and Christianity had nothing to do with it.
     
  19. Use of Time

    Use of Time
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    This is spot on.
     
  20. righteousdude2

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    Again .... why was this moved?

    This was a topic that is of concern to all believers and the church in general! We all need to have an open discussion about it, and because it has to do with our view on women and vilence against them, this seemed to be appropriate for the forum it was palced on initially!

    Is this a knee jerk reaction? sure seems to be. We were having a good discussion in the forum it was posted. And in my opinion, it should remain where it was posted originally!

    Thanks Grif ..... I had to vent, I think you were wrong. You think I was wrong. You have the power, I don't. So I lose! :smilewinkgrin:
     

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