I'm asking for some help and prayer

[Lukasaurus]

For many years, I have struggled with doubts. Doubts about salvation mainly. Due to an addiction, which I am currently experiencing freedom from, I have been concerned that I was a false convert, or am a false convert, or am apostate, or unforgivable, or something.

I'm really quite confused. I do go up and down in my faith and assurance, but would like it to be settled for good. I hesitate to post this, because I know what the answers will be already, but I post in the hope that my transparency might help others, and also that I might receive help.

I was thinking, I don't really have a moment I can recall where I diddn't believe, and then I did believe. I have believed for as long as I can remember. There have been times where I've learnt things about who I am, and what it meant for me to be a sinner, why Christ died etc, and I believe them. But there was no moment where I transitioned from "I'm lost" to "I'm saved". (I've asked God to forgive my sins thousands of times. I don't believe "the sinners prayer" saves me). I've always as far as I can remember, considered that my sins were awful, and that I deserve punishment for them, but that Jesus died for those sins.

But then I ask myself. Do I believe all my sins are forgiven, and I hesitate to say yes, because I know that I've done this in the past, and the continued with porn only days later. What do I do about future sins?

I've listened to a lot of Lordship preachers, and Free Grace preachers, and find no peace in their words either. I read the Bible and can't find peace, but a lot of verses condemn me (for example, how does a believer deal with Gal 5:19-21? I'm guilty of some of those). I feel like I am a lost cause, and I know that it's my anxiety speaking now, but I really need to settle this.

I know I used "I" a lot here. I know I am very self focused. But hearing the gospel I think "I already believe this. Why don't I ever feel it to be true? Why don't I change". How much more must I repent and feel sorry for sin? Has God abandoned me?

 

[MennoSota]

Here is what God tells us... Romans 7-8

14 So the trouble is not with the law, for it is spiritual and good. The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin. 15 I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. 16 But if I know that what I am doing is wrong, this shows that I agree that the law is good. 17 So I am not the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.
18 And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[d] I want to do what is right, but I can’t. 19 I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. 20 But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.
21 I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. 22 I love God’s law with all my heart. 23 But there is another power[e] within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. 24 Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? 25 Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin.
Life in the Spirit
8 So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. 2 And because you belong to him, the power[f] of the life-giving Spirit has freed you[g] from the power of sin that leads to death. 3 The law of Moses was unable to save us because of the weakness of our sinful nature.[h] So God did what the law could not do. He sent his own Son in a body like the bodies we sinners have. And in that body God declared an end to sin’s control over us by giving his Son as a sacrifice for our sins. 4 He did this so that the just requirement of the law would be fully satisfied for us, who no longer follow our sinful nature but instead follow the Spirit.
5 Those who are dominated by the sinful nature think about sinful things, but those who are controlled by the Holy Spirit think about things that please the Spirit. 6 So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace. 7 For the sinful nature is always hostile to God. It never did obey God’s laws, and it never will. 8 That’s why those who are still under the control of their sinful nature can never please God.
9 But you are not controlled by your sinful nature. You are controlled by the Spirit if you have the Spirit of God living in you. (And remember that those who do not have the Spirit of Christ living in them do not belong to him at all.) 10 And Christ lives within you, so even though your body will die because of sin, the Spirit gives you life because you have been made right with God. 11 The Spirit of God, who raised Jesus from the dead, lives in you. And just as God raised Christ Jesus from the dead, he will give life to your mortal bodies by this same Spirit living within you.
12 Therefore, dear brothers and sisters,[j] you have no obligation to do what your sinful nature urges you to do. 13 For if you live by its dictates, you will die. But if through the power of the Spirit you put to death the deeds of your sinful nature,[k] you will live. 14 For all who are led by the Spirit of God are children[l] of God.
15 So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children.[m] Now we call him, “Abba, Father.”[n] 16 For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God’s children. 17 And since we are his children, we are his heirs. In fact, together with Christ we are heirs of God’s glory. But if we are to share his glory, we must also share his suffering.
The Future Glory
18 Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later. 19 For all creation is waiting eagerly for that future day when God will reveal who his children really are. 20 Against its will, all creation was subjected to God’s curse. But with eager hope, 21 the creation looks forward to the day when it will join God’s children in glorious freedom from death and decay. 22 For we know that all creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. 23 And we believers also groan, even though we have the Holy Spirit within us as a foretaste of future glory, for we long for our bodies to be released from sin and suffering. We, too, wait with eager hope for the day when God will give us our full rights as his adopted children,[o] including the new bodies he has promised us. 24 We were given this hope when we were saved. (If we already have something, we don’t need to hope[p] for it. 25 But if we look forward to something we don’t yet have, we must wait patiently and confidently.)
26 And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. 27 And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers[q] in harmony with God’s own will. 28 And we know that God causes everything to work together[r] for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. 29 For God knew his people in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son, so that his Son would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. 30 And having chosen them, he called them to come to him. And having called them, he gave them right standing with himself. And having given them right standing, he gave them his glory.
Nothing Can Separate Us from God’s Love
31 What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us? 32 Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won’t he also give us everything else? 33 Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? No one—for God himself has given us right standing with himself. 34 Who then will condemn us? No one—for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and he is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us.
35 Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? 36 (As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.”[t]) 37 No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.
38 And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. 39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

 

[MennoSota]

Paul knew all too well how wicked his spirit was. Yet, he also knew his Redeemer.
We trust God...even when our feelings tell us to give up all hope.
We trust God though our sins be red as scarlet.
We trust God when all hell breaks loose.
We TRUST God!

Trust God. He is our refuge and strength. Walk to Jesus in the storm. Trust God.

Our feelings are often manipulated. Don't trust your feelings. Trust God.

Habakkuk 3:17-18
[17]Even though the fig trees have no blossoms, and there are no grapes on the vines; even though the olive crop fails, and the fields lie empty and barren; even though the flocks die in the fields, and the cattle barns are empty,
[18]yet I will rejoice in the lord! I will be joyful in the God of my salvation!

Trust God!

 

[Lukasaurus]

Thanks for replying.

I've read Romans 7 & 8 so many times. I always get caught up here

You are controlled by the Spirit if you have the Spirit of God living in you. (And remember that those who do not have the Spirit of Christ living in them do not belong to him at all.)

For 20 years, was I controlled by the Spirit with my addiction? I didn't want to sin, but felt compelled to. A slave to sin. How can a slave to sin also be a child of God? And if I don't have the spirit of Christ, how do I get it? If by faith, well, I believe? Do you see my confusion.

 

[Tendor]

There was a time in my life where I was in a similar situation so I hope that my testimony will encourage you. When I was five years old, God revealed to me that I was a sinner and that meant if nothing changed I would spend eternity in Hell. So, I asked my mom, who at the time was not a genuine Christian, to pray with me and her response was that I should pray on my own. This idea filled me with despair so I told her that if she wouldn't pray with me then I would go to Hell. On hearing that she agreed to pray with me and I said the typical sinners prayer of apologizing that I was a sinner and inviting Jesus into my heart. After that prayer, I was still just as scared of going to Hell as before.

This fear stayed with me till I was twenty years old. During that time I developed a very bad temper that led me to attack several people. It was completely uncontrollable. Then, when I was fifteen years old, my temper completely went away. It was not a gradual thing but an immediate removal. My mom, who had become saved by that point said that this was the mercy of God on me. My response was that God had taken my anger away for her sake since she was the Christian. I could not see that God was having mercy on me as well as her.

Fast forward five years and I was still in despair over my soul so a guy at my parents church gave me a book. I don't remember that title of the book or even what it was about but there was a verse in it that I will never forget. The verse is John 6:37 "All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never cast out." When I came to that verse it got me thinking about if I believe that the Bible is the inspired word of God. The answer to that question was and still is a resounding yes. That led to think further that for the majority of my life I had been asking God to save me. I thought that this would count as me coming to God. Since I was coming to Christ that meant that I would never be cast out. At that moment, I had peace because God's word promised that I would not be cast out. I can't say that this assurance has never been shaken due to sinful tendencies in my life but God does not cast us away from Himself because we repeatedly sin that is where His grace is evident. Let me leave you with the same encouragement my mom left me. People who are heading to Hell are not concerned about whether they are sinning against a holy God or not. That concern is the work of the Holy Spirit.

 

[MennoSota]

When Jesus died for your sin, was it just for your past? When Paul says nothing can separate us from the love of God, does that include addictive sins? If not, there are a lot of gluttons in the church that are condemned.

No. There is now, therefore, no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

Trust God.

 

[Lukasaurus]

But is there a time when a believer, or almost believer, will come to a point where God just abandons them.

I've been told this happens, but the only verses are one in genesis about God not striving with man, which seems to be in reference to the flood, and the other in Romans 1, which seems more to be a declaration of something that has already happened to gentiles (God has given all over their lusts).

 

[MennoSota]

But is there a time when a believer, or almost believer, will come to a point where God just abandons them.

I've been told this happens, but the only verses are one in genesis about God not striving with man, which seems to be in reference to the flood, and the other in Romans 1, which seems more to be a declaration of something that has already happened to gentiles (God has given all over their lusts).

Jesus never loses his sheep. He says "I will never leave you nor forsake you." The parable of the prodigal son is a message to children of the Father. The Father is always waiting...never renouncing his child.
Trust God.