Active Listening and Reflective Listening

Internet message boards, the Baptist Board being no exception, are a repository of conflicting opinions. Some topics bring out visceral responses. Participants in the discussion often process soundbites instead of entire posts. This leads to misunderstanding and accusations of "putting words in my mouth". When this happens threads derail, feelings get hurt, and wrong conclusions are drawn about each participants point of view. There are two methods that are used by business leaders, counselors, and educators that can help us in our message board interactions: active listening and reflective listening. Both are easier to do in person, but with some modifications, they can work on a message board.

Active listening is when the hearer listens with the intent to understand, comprehend, and respond while not forgetting what was said. Reflective listening is when the hearer asks short relevant questions to help clarify what has been said. Active listening is harder to do on a message board because the other person cannot see our facial expressions. They receive no feedback that we are actively listening to them. Reflective listening is easier to do. For instance, if Charles types, "I don't like vegetables", we can respond with, "Do you like any vegetables?" This gives the person the opportunity to clarify. They may respond with, "Well, I dislike peas and carrots". We just learned that Charles disliked peas and carrots. We can ask another clarifying question to find out whether peas and carrots have influenced Charles' opinion on all vegetables, such as, "Other than peas and carrots, are there any other vegetables that you don't like?" Charles may respond with, "No. I guess I like other vegetables, but I really can't stand peas and carrots."

To be fair, some of us do this instinctively. I appreciate it when someone asks questions about what I said as opposed to drawing conclusions that may not be accurate. Some of us do it occasionally. I fall into this category. Of course, active and reflective listening only works when the other party desires an honest discussion. That is not always the case on a message board. Some people are more interested in pushing their agenda than they are about finding out the truth. In those instances, you have to decide whether participating in the discussion is worth your time.