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An Ugly Situation Could be Coming to a Head

Discussion in 'Other Discussions' started by Benjamin, Oct 9, 2019.

  1. Benjamin

    Benjamin Well-Known Member
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    To begin with I could use some prayer and maybe some words of wisdom.

    Here's why, I'll try to be short as possible but this needs some background: I have a niece with 4 children that has recently moved back from Oregon for a new job as a surgical nurse after a divorce. She has had a severe alcohol problem for some time and is getting worse. Several people in my family have helped her financially including me and she has drained much of my sister's (her mother) retirement savings because of her problems. I've seen this level of alcohol abuse before and where it leads. In fact, I've lost a few friends due to drugs and alcohol and recognize that point in which you feel helpless and feel there is really not much more you can do. It is hard to see my niece getting this bad and to see my sister and mom cry over it.

    But now, beyond that, my niece's behavior has become a threat to my extended family to which I have a patriarch role and am very protective over. What has happened is my niece flipped out at a doctor's office and the doctor seeing her mental state had her institutionalized in a rehab facility. While the family took care of her kids she meets a guy there, another addict who becomes her boyfriend after she gets out, he moves in and in short time they are fighting and he threatens to kill her and her kids! My other niece, her sister who I am more like a father to than an uncle, gets an urgent call from her and fears for the children and contacts the police and Child Protect Services. CPS takes the kids away and tell her this "man" is not to be around her children while they prepare for a court appearance.

    Rather than get rid of the guy she starts posting on Facebook about her love for him showing pictures of them getting tattoos and him visiting her at work. Then she moves the guy into her apartment permanently before going to court and 3 of her kids are given to their father in Oregon. The other kid, my great nephew, is 15 and his father is dead because of a serious genetic mutation that ends life usually by the 20's called Osteogenesis Imperfecta and Ehlers- Danlos syndrome which this boy also has.

    There is good reason for concern over this boyfriend, he is/has been a Mexican gangster, he is a 8 time felon that has been in and out of jail since 1993 and all of his convictions were for assault, abuse of children, adult abuse and weapons violations! All of this punk's assaults seem to be against women, children and older adults I might add!

    But it gets worse, my alcoholic niece finds out my other niece had my great nephew for the weekend and go over there and starts threatening her saying that her boyfriend will help her carry out these threats. My niece calls me and tells me about this and about a gun her sister has stashed at my mom's house. My mom is 83 and my sister recently moved in to take care of her. I go and get the gun and find out before all this happened that the boyfriend had been over for dinner with my niece and when they left he stood outside taking pictures of my mom's house! BTW, she is not getting the gun back because she is mentally unstable!

    Okay, for some background about me before I became a Christian at 35 years old I was living a rough life and was in a lot of fights in my teens and 20s, not with women and children but rather with bullies, and I hung with a rough crowd but I have put that stuff behind me and have had no need to go back. BUT, and this is where I need some prayer and words of wisdom, I am getting very angry about this guy coming into my family and making these threats and I don't the like the thoughts going on in my head. It is like the hair is standing up on the back of my neck because I take serious threats very seriously. Honestly, up to to about 15 years ago I probably would have hunted this guy down by now and beat him half to death while daring him to ever show his face again, and this punk would never come back!

    I'm 61 now but still in good enough shape and could take this guy, but out of practice, could possibly hurt my hands or maybe run out of air before I finished the job and this would be a fight I could not chance losing considering my family's fate if something should happen to me, SO, ...and here is where I need prayer for wisdom, I am prepared to shoot this guy if need be. This is an ugly feeling and puts me in a place I would never expected to be at this stage in life.

    My great nephew has asked to come stay with me sometimes on the weekends. I talked to CPS at length today and they're going to make me a custodian when he's with me. My niece, sister and mom have been told that if this guy is so much on their street I want to know about it immediately!

    Right now, I thinking about how to get this guy to understand that he has no choice but stop the threats by use of a gun but while staying within the law? He has not met me but I'm sure he's heard I'm getting involved and am not a guy to be messed with. I don't know if he's crazy enough to try to confront me or to think he can get away with carrying out any of these threats but the reality of this thing possibly coming to a head is weighing heavily on my heart.
     
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  2. BroTom64

    BroTom64 Member
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    Bro.Benjamin,

    No advice from me in this, but know I am praying for you to be filled with the Lord's Spirit and with His wisdom. i ray that the lord would guide your steps but more importantly that he would guard your heart and especially keep the little ones safe in his hands. Praying for all involved including the punk. That the Lord would bring righteous witnesses into their lives and save them from their sins.

    Blessings in Jesus' name,

    Bro.Tom
     
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  3. Scarlett O.

    Scarlett O. Well-Known Member
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    I'm praying for all involved.

    Can you get a restraining order against him for making threats? They don't always work, but then the police could arrest him.
     
    • Agree Agree x 1
  4. Shoostie

    Shoostie Member

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    I don't want to sound insensitive, but why would anyone subsidize a drunk's alcoholism with financial support? Is she at fault for the divorce? That's another reason to not give her a penny. Some people just are not worth your concern, even if they're blood.
     
    • Agree Agree x 1
  5. InTheLight

    InTheLight Well-Known Member
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    I will be praying for you and your family situation.

    If I had any advice it would be to delete your post. You've just posted on the internet that you might need to shoot this guy to settle a family squabble.
     
  6. kyredneck

    kyredneck Well-Known Member
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    ...and you could've said that in a PM...

    Yes, a restraining order is in order, the only problem is Ben and the punk have yet to meet, right? The punk hasn't yet directly threatened Ben, right? Anyway if there was a restraining order that would definitely help towards justifying lethal force if it came down to that.

    GO SEE A LAWYER BEN!

    [add]

    Is the sheriff aware of the situation? Social Sevices?
     
  7. kyredneck

    kyredneck Well-Known Member
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    Been there, tried for years to fix it, cost me thousands of dollars and great heartbreak(s), and finally had to disown them for our own health and safety. But the heart still aches over it.
     
  8. Benjamin

    Benjamin Well-Known Member
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    Thank you for this wonderful prayer, bro.
     
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  9. Benjamin

    Benjamin Well-Known Member
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    My niece has an order of protection and it has proved to not be worth the paper it is written on. Thanks for the prayer.
     
  10. Benjamin

    Benjamin Well-Known Member
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    GRACE is never deserved; people make mistakes and do change and besides much of the focus was for the innocent children. All my family are worth my concern, even in their faults, even if the love becomes tough love. That said, none of us expected this to get so far out of hand and now that the children are gone, she will not get another penny from any of us.
     
  11. Benjamin

    Benjamin Well-Known Member
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    Nah, this isn’t a “to settle a family squabble” it is an effort of trying to be responsible by asking for guidance and prayer from my Christian brethren in dealing with serious threats coming from a repeat felon outsider of my family who has a long history of this type of violence. And I am inquiring how to “legally”, morally and wisely protect my family. But likewise, I considered your advice about going public before posting but I unashamedly fully intend to protect my family from this menace’s intrusion and to stay within the law to the best of my ability. No matter what happens I believe the truth should prevail about what I need to do should it come to that. Thanks for the prayers.
     
  12. Benjamin

    Benjamin Well-Known Member
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    I would have to get this expense past my wife being we’ve already given $1600 and furniture in the last few months and she’s fed up with it all, wondering why her immediate family needs to be involved and what’s to become of the 15-year-old. My wife is upset because of this landing on our doorstep, disturbing our peace and she’s worried about me getting up in arms having witnessed some of my past when someone gets up in my face. Here I am telling her it is no big deal and I can handle it while I reach out to others for more advice.


    Yes, the police have been called and the court’s been involved. Social Services seemed happy to see me stepping up when talking to them yesterday and are doing a background check on me to clear me for guardianship while I have custody on weekends or whenever my great nephew is in my presence. I have a very good resume to put up against this repeatedly violent felon’s record should this end in a conflict.
     
  13. just-want-peace

    just-want-peace Well-Known Member
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    Well Benjamin, I've never been in such a critical situation, but for the ones I have been in - way beyond my pay grade - I have claimed the promise of Proverbs 3:5-8.
    So far (I'm 83) He has resolved the situations in ways I never dreamed of.
    Prayers!!!!

    PS: It is amazing the internal peace that this approach has given me, and, I trust will for you also!
     
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  14. Roy

    Roy <img src=/0710.gif>
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    I feel for you Benjamin. I am not good at offering advice, and the best that I can do is pray for you, that by God's grace this mountain will be removed.

    If you posted the niece's name and address on "The Baptist Board" with a request for everyone here to send her a tract with an encouraging word, who knows what would happen.
     
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