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Bad Advice Only

Discussion in 'Forum Games' started by fluke, Nov 13, 2008.

  1. fluke

    fluke New Member

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    In this thread, one person asks about a problem, and the next person gives some really bad advice, and asks another question:

    How can I stop my dog from jumping over our fence and roaming all over the neighborhood?
     
  2. abcgrad94

    abcgrad94 Active Member

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    Get rid of the fence so he doesn't have to jump.

    How can I better keep my house clean?
     
  3. fluke

    fluke New Member

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    Open all your doors and windows, then go on vacation. Someone will be sure to clean out your house for you.

    I want Santa to bring me lots of gifts this year, but I *may* not have been very, VERY good the whole year. How can I butter him up?
     
  4. Don

    Don Well-Known Member
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    Put as much butter as you can in a five-gallon bucket, heat it until it's liquid, then pour it down the sides of the chimney.

    I have a dog that always jumps on people; I've been trying to get her to stop. What should I do?
     
  5. SaggyWoman

    SaggyWoman Active Member

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    Keep wet paint on his feet when guests come over.

    I have trouble rolling my driver's side window down. What can I do?
     
  6. Scarlett O.

    Scarlett O. Well-Known Member
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    Take a medium sized brick, throw it through your window, clean up the glass, and enjoy the breeze.

    And you'll be able to go through the bank drive through with no problem.



    My favorite shirt has a stain on it that won't come out.
     
  7. webdog

    webdog Active Member
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    Try a lighter, it will get the stain right out!

    What do I say when my wife asks if pants make her behind look big?
     
  8. Salty

    Salty 20,000 Posts Club
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    Tell your wife she looks great compared to Rossane Barr


    What should I do when a customer will not tip me for a taxi ride
     
  9. Scarlett O.

    Scarlett O. Well-Known Member
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    Quit your job.....that should show him!!

    I put my money in the coke machine and my drink wouldn't come out! :BangHead:
     
  10. SaggyWoman

    SaggyWoman Active Member

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    If it is cold outside, and the machine is outside, stick your tongue in the money slot and see if that will help.

    I backed into my supervisor's car and left a dent. How do I tell her this?
     
  11. webdog

    webdog Active Member
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    Tell him his wife is a bad driver.

    What's the best way to cure the common cold?
     
  12. SBCPreacher

    SBCPreacher Active Member
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    Hold your breath... for 30 minutes.


    I lost my toothbrush. What should I do?
     
  13. Ed Edwards

    Ed Edwards <img src=/Ed.gif>

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    // I backed into my supervisor's car and left a dent. How do I tell her this? //

    Marry the Boss (go to Conn. they let woman/woman mariages now.)

    Three months ago I lost my job. I haven't paid my mortgage payment for two months. My mortgage company forecloses on Thanksgiving Day. What do I have to be thankful for?
     
  14. Deacon

    Deacon Well-Known Member
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    Go on an expensive vacation. Thank God the government will bail you out.

    My joints sure do ache at night. What can I do to sleep?

    Rob
     
  15. SaggyWoman

    SaggyWoman Active Member

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    Bathe in Deep Sea Salts and alcohol.

    It is raining outside and I need an umbrella and dont have one. What should I do?
     
  16. Salty

    Salty 20,000 Posts Club
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    Find an empty police car and sit in it



    You have taken that special girl out for a first date, and at the restaurant, you find you dont have your wallet :praying:
     
  17. SaggyWoman

    SaggyWoman Active Member

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    Pretend you are going to the bathroom and leave.


    You are at a public bathroom and you had the runs. You found out there is no toilet paper too late. What do you do
     
  18. webdog

    webdog Active Member
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    Ask your spouse for their jacket...

    How do I get my daughter to stop crying?
     
  19. Ed Edwards

    Ed Edwards <img src=/Ed.gif>

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    // How do I get my daughter to stop crying? //

    Depends on age:

    newborn - 3 -- change Huggies
    3 - 18 -- advance allowance
    18 - 88 -- Tell her you didn't raise her to here her cry
    89+ -- change Depends

    What job has the lowest cost/benefit ratio? Why?
     
  20. Salty

    Salty 20,000 Posts Club
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    Ask a politician - (why) to get the answer you want to hear.


    You get a speeding ticket, but when the cop comes you don't have your wallet
     
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