Christians and divorce.

Irwin: I absolutely agree. I am continually amazed at how readily many are willing to assign blame and guilt to those who have experienced divorce, for whatever reasons. No one argues that God never intended for divorce to enter the equation, but neither can anyone deny that the man or woman that has suffered this reality can find forgiveness and renewed purpose for their lives. To listen to many, you would think that these couples had commited an unpardonable sin. </font>[/QUOTE]I don't think the issue is one of pointing fingers but rather that divorce is becoming so common and so easily accepted by evangelical, born-again believers. People hardly blink at it a divorce in a Christian marriage.

I was divorced before I was a believer (my former husband was also one and still is) and frankly, I am finding that Christians divorce for pretty much the same reasons unbelievers do -- they don't get along, or it "just didn't work out." That's how I thought before I was a Christian. In fact, our vows did not have the phrase "til death do us part" but rather had the phrase that we would stay together as long as we both still loved each other. This seems to be becoming the attitude in the church as well. And this is supposed to be okay?

I've learned since becoming a Christian that marriage is a picture of Christ and His bride, the Church, and that it is a sacred union. My church teaches that one must always try to reconcile whenever possible (unless the divorced partner has remarried) and to forgive adultery in order to try to heal the marriage. But the statistics among Christians show otherwise.

 

True. My divorce was the result of my wife's sin of adultery. I gave her several years to turn away from her adultery, but she did not want to give up her lover (with whom she moved in with). When it got to the point where my actions were condoning and enabling her adultery, I had no alternative but to divorce her. It was a sad situation, not to mention a living hell for me for several years, that I don't wish upon anyone.

 

Afterthought: I think the rising statistics of divorce among born-again Christians reflects a problem that should not be ignored. That is why I posted on page 1 about the ministry of Marriage Mentors. Churches should not ignore this issue and do something to addresss it. This is not about making individuals feel guilty but about addressing a problem in the church.

Posted by JohnV:
"The rates of lowest divorce occurs in Mormon and Jewish households. Interestingly, those two groups also have the highest rates of individuals waiting until marriage to have sex."

On the other hand, the suicide rate among young people in Utah is one of the highest in the nation.

 

True. One could have a field day discerning those statistics. One could easily mistake them to read that premarital sex results in lower suicide rates. Somehow, I doubt that's true.

 

Well I guess I'll jump into the fray. Not to get myself flamed or anything so I'll say this as carefuly as humanly, finately as possible. Regardless of who has the affair (husband/wife) sometimes (yes sometimes, not all cases) the adultery is a symptom of a greater problem in the marriage. I am by no means excusing adultery so if anyone would like to say otherwise please hear me now in my saying the above...not excusing! In the cases where adultery is the symptom both the adulterer and the one cheated on (adulteree?) need to look closely at 1)themselves, 2)the marriage, 3)eachother *in love and with concern*, 4)their relationship to God. My parents divorced when I was very very young and having a stepmom is just something I've always had. Now that I am an adult I have been able to look at their marriage from adult eyes and see that they had deeper problems than just that my dad had an affair. In some cases by the time husband/wife has an affair it is the last straw for the marriage. It hurts to have someone cheat on you. azwyld has had a bf or two that was less than honorable. It is important to realize that when you enter a marriage especially at an early age you/them will probably have a vision of how the marriage will be, and when that changes or, does not come to fruition the person is let down and Satan can creep in and get a toehold on tearing apart the marriage. I do not think that it is wise to stay in a marriage where one spouse is abusive to another. Part, or at least do a separation (if it is at all possible) and let the abuser get help. If they cannot, or will not then it is in God's hands and you should go. Yes people make mistakes on who they marry, but too some abusers change radically into monsters once they have their prey. Well that's about it for my mini-lecture. I hope nobody takes offense as none was intended and I also know that I am still fairly young and have much more that I am learning daily.


azwyld
&lt;*}}}&gt;&lt;

 

God gave Hosea instruction on winning Gomer back. Unfortunately, too many men cower down and don't know how to get their wife back. Many also don't protect their wife from adultery. Many others aren't performing their God given role and have opted for the sexually ambiguous "mutual submission" nonsense and have lost their wife due to a lack of manliness.

 

I love how these discussions always involve the following conclusion by those who have been divorced in response to those who believe divorce is sin:

1. We should beat us divorcees down some more.
2. Well, we just aren't forgiven then are we.

I would like to see just one quote of either of the two. In all these discussions, I have NEVER seen anyone say anything about forgiveness in a negative sense.

 

Probably. There's no such thing as a problem-free marriage. Most problems are not ther result of sin, but the result of every day life. The presence of problems in a marriage is no reason to engage in adultery.

Good. Then there's no disagreement that my ex-wife is an adulterer, and she sinned against me, God, my children, and severed our marital covenant.

Agreed. I told my wife that I would have no problem forgiving her adultery if she refrained from dpoing it again, and worked with me to tackle the issues that led up to it.

But, were those problems in and of themselves the result of sin?

To be completely honest, despite my hurt, I looked at as an opportunity to renew ourselves by confronting the issues. She chose not to.

Agreed. Abuse is a form of desertion. The person may still be physically there, but they have left the marriage and other spouse via their actions. In many ways, abuse is more destructive that if a spouse had simply left altogether, because it holds one person, and sometimes children, in captivity.

 

You presume that those who divorce don't think it's a sin. Divorce is a sin, with the exception of being scripturally permissible (hence, not a sin) in two instances: sexual infidelity, and abandonment. Note that "permissible" does not equate to "the first option". The first option, of course, is to heal the marriage, and repair or renew the severed marital covenant. Scripturally permissible divorce should be sought as a last resort, not a first option.

Sadly, many assume that a person who divorces is taking an easy out. I can tell you from persona experience, it had been easier to stay in an unhealthy situation. Divorcing was most difficult, and for me, anyway, was the last resort.

 

There's only been ONE sinless LIFE.

 

"Divorce is a sin, with the exception of being scripturally permissible (hence, not a sin) in two instances: sexual infidelity, and abandonment."

I just want to point out that abandonment by an unbelieving spouse is specified in 1 Cor 7.15 as grounds for not being "bound." So I don't think this necessarily covers a believing spouse who leaves.

 

BAck to the Mormon divorce rate issue brought up earlier, it seems that as of a few years ago (Jan, 2000), the Mormon divorce rate was the same as the national average, so it is probably not true that their divorce is less than Christians. Of course, these stats are for 1999 so they are lower compared to today's.

 

Have you all not seen the latest scandal that is rocking TBN?

Whether true or not, Paul Crouch has been giving a platform for years to false teachers. The few good people that might be on TBN are not enough reason for this endorser of false beliefs to continue. I hope it shuts down.

 

Sorry, I posted this on the wrong thread!! Maybe a moderator could delete. I will put it on the Paul Crouch thread.

 

I think that the appropriate grounds for divorce remains, as it was in the day of Moses, hardness of heart.

I think that having a heart so hard that a divorce is the answer is a sin.

I think it is possible for one spouse to, out of hardness of heart, mistreat the other to the point that divorce is appropriate.

I think adultary is one example of hardness of heart.

 

So, I am "idealistic" for simply believing the Bible?

May I suggest you dismount before the horseman and his rider be cast down?

Is our Lord and Saviour also this "subjective" in HIS opinion?

Be not unequally yoked is our mandate to obey FROM Our Lord, and SAVIOUR, so hash it out, but please use the Bible? </font>[/QUOTE]POR, knowing that many people are married BEFORE they are saved, your view is a bit warped. My parents were married long before my mother was saved. My father, shortly after my birth and his inability to deal with certain situations in life, became abusive, leaving my mother no choice but to divorce him. His actions caused my mother to miscarry on her second pregnancy, and put my own life in jeapordy. To try to be as idealistic as you are trying to force everyone else to be is unrealistic at best. My mother remarried, and after several years the situation became abusive with my father having several adulterous affairs, beating my mother and the kids and generally living like the Devil. This was after both had come to know the Lord. I wish my mother would have divorced my adoptive father instead of staying in that unhealthy relationship for 36 years. It would have been better for all involved, leaving all of us without many of the scars we bear today, both emotionally and physically. You can spout all you like, but Christ even made the exception for divorce in the cause of sexual impurity. But, because of warped, twisted thinking and teaching by several IFB pastors, she stayed with my father until his death. There is not a "one size fits all" in marriage, though there is the Biblical ideal. But, even God knew there were going to be divorces and good reasons for it.

AVL1984

 

What really ticks me off as a pastor is standing before couples in Church - hearing them repeat the wedding vows - "Til Death do us part" all the time knowing that 50% of them will be proven to be liars.

I am an optimist though at heart. Everytime I hear those vows I think - "So Far, So Good!"

The only alternative to rising divorce rates among "Christians Couples" is more married Christian Couples living a Committed Christian Life.

My son and his wife are currently separated. They have not been regular in church since they married except for one brief period. I see the same pattern developing with alarming frequency among young married "Christian" couples that I know.

 

The issue of being divorced is contagious. Often if someone hangs arouind those who are divorced they begin to think about their unhappiness instead of steppping up to the plate and asking themselves what they can do to help.

"It's so hard to see when my eyes are on me."

 

FWIW, I think those statistics are highly overated. Yes, many of us have been divorced, but the divorced was before we were saved. Therefore, my wife and I are both divorced Southern Baptists according to the study, but the divorces were before we were saved.

IMO, too many people neglect to read the part about, "What GOD joined together...", before they start judging the divorced. I refuse to blame God for my first wife and I being together.

 

Like I said before, many want to embrace the grace of God , but refuse to embrace God and His CLEAR Word on divorce, Jesus CLEARLY stated concerning divorce, (according to Moses alone) that it was due to the hardness of men's hearts, BUT, FROM THE BEGINNING IT WAS NOT SO.

God hateth putting away, Moses allowed it, Jesus explained it, CLEARLY, men try their best to get around it, mainly because they think so lightly of the Lord's commandments, along with their disregard for that which is holy, namebly, Holy Matrimony.

I'm afraid as long as people take this w/o regard to the Word of God, in harmony, men will marry and divorce, but God never did actually allow divorce, only men do.

When God hath done the joining together, LET NO MAN PUT ASUNDER. Learn the Bible.