Deadbeat Dads

[Salty]

This was from another thread - this was a bit off op - so we started a new thread.....

My advice to women seeking divorce or child support is to get an attorney and take those dead beat dads for every dime they can get.

Evangelicals need to drop the anti-woman support for dead beat dads and abusive husbands.

peace to you

You are painting too broad of a statement there.

1) There are deadbeat mon's as well
2) There are some valid reasons why the absent parent cannot pay
3) Often, the absent parent goes thur a major emotional crisis
(and for any other reason - the govt will go out of its way to help)
4) Absent parents who regularly see their kids - have a much better at paying (so called) child support
5) Many mothers prevent contact with the kids - out of spite and or to be vindictive.

Are there some parents who refuse to pay - of course there are - and they should be dwelt with accordingly.
but putting them in jail is not always the best ideal.

 

[canadyjd]

This was from another thread - this was a bit off op - so we started a new thread.....




You are painting too broad of a statement there.

1) There are deadbeat mon's as well
2) There are some valid reasons why the absent parent cannot pay
3) Often, the absent parent goes thur a major emotional crisis
(and for any other reason - the govt will go out of its way to help)
4) Absent parents who regularly see their kids - have a much better at paying (so called) child support
5) Many mothers prevent contact with the kids - out of spite and or to be vindictive.

Are there some parents who refuse to pay - of course there are - and they should be dwelt with accordingly.
but putting them in jail is not always the best ideal.

1. Deadbeat moms are a rare species, but I’m sure they exists somewhere.

2. perhaps you can explain some of the “valid reasons” to not support your children.

3. Divorce and separation is an emotional crises for all the family. Deadbeat dads add a financial crisis to the emotional crisis.

4. Absent parents should pay whether they see the kids as often as they like or not,, its the right thing to do.

5. Please provide a source for your statement that “many mothers” withhold visitation out of spite or vindictiveness.

I don’t know of any court that puts parents in jail the first time they miss a payment. Usually it’s repeat offenders, defying court ordered payments.

Bottom line, the problem of none support goes overwhelmingly against women. Instead of urging the fathers to “man up” and care for their children, some Christians see the problem as “feminists judges” and other nonsense.

peace to you

 

[Salty]

For the most part, I am not going to answer you statements - as it appears you have your mind made up.

I will just make these two statements -
1. The most important thing that the divorced dad needs - well, only the mom has it.

2) and because of that - it is estimated that up to some 20 divorced dads commits suicide every week.

It used to be that divorce use to be a no-no - in our churches - but the church divorce rate is just about = to non church families.
Looks like we have our work cut out for us.
Remember - when 2 people are involved - there are 3 sides to the story - and it is imperative that as pastors - that we keep an open mind - while showing Christian love to all involved.

Didn't say it would be easy......

 

[canadyjd]

For the most part, I am not going to answer you statements - as it appears you have your mind made up.

I will just make these two statements -
1. The most important thing that the divorced dad needs - well, only the mom has it.

2) and because of that - it is estimated that up to some 20 divorced dads commits suicide every week.

It used to be that divorce use to be a no-no - in our churches - but the church divorce rate is just about = to non church families.
Looks like we have our work cut out for us.
Remember - when 2 people are involved - there are 3 sides to the story - and it is imperative that as pastors - that we keep an open mind - while showing Christian love to all involved.

Didn't say it would be easy......

Ok, thanks for the, brief, conversation

peace to you

 

[Salty]

Ok, thanks for the, brief, conversation

peace to you

I dont need the peace - but thousands of Dad without their kids do need peace - Gods peace - make an effort to find one or two.

I will say this - in theory you may be correct on some things - BUT we are talking reality.

 

[Reformed1689]

1. Deadbeat moms are a rare species,

We foster and I can tell you they are not rare.

 

[Revmitchell]

Dead best moms are not rare, some dads like anyone else face financial crisis that only gives them enough to live. It can often be difficult to pull out of it due to lack of skills, experience, and training. It’s not that some don’t want to support their children but they do not have the means.

even married people experience such crisis. Be careful of broad brushes.

 

[JonC]

I had a coworker who could barely make ends meet. She was divorced and her ex-husband had primary custody. She had to pay him child support.

BUT he gave her the children. He did not want them, just the money. She has the kids, but has to pay him.

This was about 10 years ago (probably no longer an issue).

 

[canadyjd]

I dont need the peace - but thousands of Dad without their kids do need peace - Gods peace - make an effort to find one or two.

I will say this - in theory you may be correct on some things - BUT we are talking reality.

The mom raising her children without help from the deadbeat dad needs peace as well. The reality she faces every day of being forced onto government assistance, food stamps etc., to survive, so taxpayers are paying what the deadbeat dad should be paying.

If I find one, I’ll tell him to pay his child support. Get another job if you have to.

Personally, I would pray they reconcile. But if not, then take responsibility and pay up.

Since you decided to comment after all, I’ll ask again. You stated there are valid reasons the dad doesn’t pay support. Please give a couple.

peace to you

 

[Reformed1689]

The mom raising her children without help from the deadbeat dad needs peace as well. The reality she faces every day of being forced onto government assistance, food stamps etc., to survive, so taxpayers are paying what the deadbeat dad should be paying.

If I find one, I’ll tell him to pay his child support. Get another job if you have to.

Personally, I would pray they reconcile. But if not, then take responsibility and pay up.

Since you decided to comment after all, I’ll ask again. You stated there are valid reasons the dad doesn’t pay support. Please give a couple.

peace to you

Honestly if a mom is denying a dad to be in the life of his child out of spite or vindication, why should he give her support? She has effectively said I do not want your help

 

[canadyjd]

Dead best moms are not rare, some dads like anyone else face financial crisis that only gives them enough to live. It can often be difficult to pull out of it due to lack of skills, experience, and training. It’s not that some don’t want to support their children but they do not have the means.

even married people experience such crisis. Be careful of broad brushes.

Boo whoo, get another job. Flip burgers if you have to. Give up the cable. Get a flip phone. Don’t eat out. Live on ronin noodles.

They force their children to go without and then cry about their “crisis” in their lives. No sympathy here for dead beats.

peace to you

 

[canadyjd]

Honestly if a mom is denying a dad to be in the life of his child out of spite or vindication, why should he give her support? She has effectively said I do not want your help

He is legally required to give the support. He has visitation according to the decree.

Dads can be spiteful as well. I knew a woman who’s three year old would come back after a weekend with “dad”, saying “mommie is fat and ugly” Daddy’s girlfriend is skinny and pretty.”

Bottom line, women are much more likely to be abandoned with the children than the man. Men are much more likely to fail to pay than women.

peace to you

 

[canadyjd]

I had a coworker who could barely make ends meet. She was divorced and her ex-husband had primary custody. She had to pay him child support.

BUT he gave her the children. He did not want them, just the money. She has the kids, but has to pay him.

This was about 10 years ago (probably no longer an issue).

Not an expert on custody judgments, but it seems to me the person with custody gets child support from the other.

peace to you

 

[Reformed1689]

He is legally required to give the support. He has visitation according to the decree.

Dads can be spiteful as well. I knew a woman who’s three year old would come back after a weekend with “dad”, saying “mommie is fat and ugly” Daddy’s girlfriend is skinny and pretty.”

Bottom line, women are much more likely to be abandoned with the children than the man. Men are much more likely to fail to pay than women.

peace to you

Wait are we talking about a specific situation? I thought we were being general?

 

[JonC]

Not an expert on custody judgments, but it seems to me the person with custody gets child support from the other.

peace to you

They do. The father had legal custody. He just let the wife keep the kids as long as she paid him child support.

 

[JonC]

Boo whoo, get another job. Flip burgers if you have to. Give up the cable. Get a flip phone. Don’t eat out. Live on ronin noodles.

They force their children to go without and then cry about their “crisis” in their lives. No sympathy here for dead beats.

peace to you

I could live on romin noodles. With a bit of hot sauce, of course. And the occasional Vienna sausage.

 

[Reformed1689]

I could live on romin noodles. With a bit of hot sauce, of course. And the occasional Vienna sausage.

I have not had Vienna sausage in years!

 

[Marooncat79]

Something like 68% of dads who fight for custody win

that was the stat some years back

 

[Van]

According to one set of figures from the internet, about 68% of the dads ordered to financially support their kids do so. The rest, 32% are dead beats. However only about 57% of the moms ordered to financially support their kids do so. The rest, 43% are dead beats. So it would seem no matter the gender, depravity can be found within the hearts of all.

 

[Revmitchell]

Boo whoo, get another job. Flip burgers if you have to. Give up the cable. Get a flip phone. Don’t eat out. Live on ronin noodles.

They force their children to go without and then cry about their “crisis” in their lives. No sympathy here for dead beats.

peace to you

you seem to want to assume a bunch but how many families going through these issues have you ministered to?

it’s not good any of it. It’s not good that parents split. It’s not good that kids get shuffled back and forth. It’s not good when married people who still intend to be a family struggle to put food on the table. It’s not any different as a divorced dad. Fact is there are many more circumstances than you want to give room for.

if I remember correctly you are willing to give more grace to those on death row than to single dads struggling.

be careful of your judgments.