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Do you believe in disciplining children

Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by Roguelet, Oct 17, 2005.

  1. gb93433

    gb93433 Active Member
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    Deut 6.
     
  2. Roguelet

    Roguelet Guest

    What ? do you Rachel want me to agree with everyone who is saying opposite of what I have said in this thread. Why would i do that, to keep peace and make friends ? I have enough friends in real life to not have to find them on message boards. I write to help others and for my own education and betterment in different areas.

    If I felt I had said anything wrong I wouldn't have said it. I have seen people agree with me ones you all respect too. I try to not talk about things I know NOTHING about, like some people do. I have studied this subject off and on for 27 years, but hey what do i, Pastors, and famous authors know ?
     
  3. Roguelet

    Roguelet Guest

    I totally agree with you [​IMG]
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    I wish someone can tell what they would do with a child who, Talks backs.... Will not sit in time out no matter what....... will not stay in his bed when told...... will not stop touching things no matter how much you redirect him...... will not follow orders etc. etc. etc. ?????

    I would love to hear the WISDOM from all the " EXPERTS " on this board who do NOT agree with SPANKING as the answer !
     
  4. gb93433

    gb93433 Active Member
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    Read Titus 2 it speaks about what the older men and women are to do with those who are younger.
     
  5. Roguelet

    Roguelet Guest

    You didn't answer my question !

    I wish someone can tell me and those who are struggling with disobedient kids what they would do with a child who, Talks backs.... Will not sit in time out no matter what....... will not stay in his bed when told...... will not stop touching things no matter how much you redirect him...... will not follow orders etc. etc. etc. ?????

    I would love to hear the WISDOM from all the " EXPERTS " on this board who do NOT agree with SPANKING as the answer !
     
  6. gb93433

    gb93433 Active Member
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    It depends on the age of the child. Years ago a parent complained to me about how much energy their son had. I told the parent to exercise with the child. The child liked to ride bikes but the parent did not. So one day I came to the home and asked the parent if I could ride a bicycle with their son. I did and when we got back I had won the son. I was his Sunday School teacher. That boy after being home just a short time was tired. He went to sleep early that night. The parent told me that what I did really worked.

    Have loads of fun with your children. They will rememeber it for many years ahead. You will have fun and get them tired at the same time. When my daughter was younger I bought some squirt guns. One day when she didn't know I had gotten some and shot her with some water and then she had to have a squirt gun. At that time I told her I bought her one too. For the next few years we had squirt gun fights.

    When I would go knocking on doors with her we would have walking races or running races to the next door.

    Have fun with your kids.
     
  7. Rachel

    Rachel New Member

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    Nope not at all. You can do what you want, but just reading this thread seems you want to argue no matter what anyone says. It doesn't matter if they have raised godly children but I guess everyone can be lying on here. It is great you have friends in the real world, I hope we all do. lol

    That's great! But why should anyone take your opinions over anyone else here? After all they are just opinions. I think most people here go to the Word for advice and wisdom in how to deal with issues. That is the best place. Of course I do think it's wise to see the godly examples around you and what they did right to help us.
     
  8. Roguelet

    Roguelet Guest

    Hey I agree gb93433...have fun with your kids and believe me we do. My husband is very imaginative and playful more so than me, I'd rather play games with them read books and teach them. we both have a good sense of humor and enjoy doing many things together as a family [​IMG]

    But I can you please answer this question for me ? ANYONE ?

    I wish someone can tell me and those who are struggling with disobedient kids what they would do with a child who, Talks backs.... Will not sit in time out no matter what.......will not do what he is told or does what he is told not to do.....will not stay in his bed when told...... will not stop touching things no matter how much you redirect him...... will not follow orders etc. etc. etc. ?????

    I would love to hear the WISDOM from all the " EXPERTS " on this board who do NOT agree with SPANKING as the answer !
     
  9. gb93433

    gb93433 Active Member
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    Spanking should not be the first resort. It should be for willful disobedience.

    Remember your standards must be age appropriate. Of course there will most likely be trying times. You have got to pick the battles that you must win. Every disobedience is not one of them. There are times when a child knows he did wrong. Why spank when the kid who knows it and acknowledges it.

    There are some things that you must not lose. But others are not worth even getting excited about. There are times when kids need to experience grace and not judgment. We have very few rules in our home and lots of frank discussion. Every day I give my daughter lots of praise. It provides a positive direction.

    I like to use the analogy of a speed limit sign. When the sign read 70 it means it is not 69. It is not 68. It is not . . . But the sign read 70 and it states a positive statement. Take a look at Philemon and see how Paul deals with Philemon. To get the respect necessary to lead you must lead by example in integrity and respecting others with the kind of respect you want in return. With children I neverf talk them in a belittling way or intimidate them. I am frank with them. But I also am frank in praise with them. I always use straight talk and no nonsense language. I speak directly to them face to face.

    I believe most of discipline is about leadership and not so much what the kid did wrong. If I hear a parent constantly reminding a child about his wrong it is clear that his leadership skills are terrible.

    I find few parents plan for the success of their children. Leadership requires that the parent do their homework so they can lead properly. I belieev that the majority of troubles can be prevented by praise and strong positive reinforcement.

    It's much like driving a car. If the trip is well planned the trip will most likely be smoother. That does not mean it will be without unplanned events. But when it is planned those unplanned events are easier to take care of when they are planned for.

    I did not use time out. I believe it is a poor choice. It does not teach immediate response and respect for authority. But rather it teaches that obedience is demanded at the count of ten or three. If something happens which demands an immediate response I want my child to respond immediately not after some count. It could eventually put the child in danger should there not be an immediate response.

    Humility and praise goes a long ways with anyone, especially our own children.

    The basic approach I take is to teach the child to do what is right, not for me, but tosimply do what is right. When the child does right I am pleased. If the only reason they do something is to please the parent that is wrong.
     
  10. Rachel

    Rachel New Member

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    gb93433, I agree, that's great advice from you and several others here.
     
  11. Roguelet

    Roguelet Guest

    Ok I agree on the highlighted part, but haven't I said that about a hundred times now ? Willful disobedience means the first time to most. If it means more than once then you are teaching them your word means nothing the first time or till you get mad. This is a fact !

    I have already delt with age appropiate tools and such and so does the BOOK in length. Ok we agree so far [​IMG]

    again you still have not answered what YOU would do if a child, Talks back.... Will not sit in time out no matter what.......will not do what he is told or does what he is told not to do.....will not stay in his bed when told...... will not stop touching things no matter how much you redirect him...... will not follow orders etc. etc. etc. ?????
     
  12. Roguelet

    Roguelet Guest

    Rachel do you have anything ?
    I still do not have anyone who can explain what works better than spanking for these examples of WILLFUL DISOBEDIENCE ?
     
  13. Rachel

    Rachel New Member

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    Really? I'm sure I read in this thread that many people have already answered.
    There has been alot of wonderful advice here. And I do agree with spanking for willful disobedience. A switch can work wonders when needed.
     
  14. DeeJay

    DeeJay New Member

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    I would spanke this child after I sat down and told him/her in language he/she can easly understand exactly the behaviour that caused me to have to spank him/her. I would spank hard on the rear, soft spankings do nothing but encourage contempt and a battle of wills. I would not leave the child alone after, I will wait until the crying calms down and then go over the behaviour I expect in the future. Then the punishment is over I will not dwell on the offence, it is forgotten. I hug the child and move on to other activities.

    That said, I will not spank for most things. Kids will be kids. As stated before I spank for willfull disobediance and disrespect and if the behaviour puts the childs safety at risk (runing out in the road). I find that no matter how hard the spanking, throwing away a toy is worse for my kid. My wife can not spank hard enough to be effective, she takes a toy and walks with my kid out to the curb and puts the toy in the trash. This is a permenent loss of a toy. This is the most effective punishment we have found.

    The key is teaching your child that his/her actions have consequences. Negative actions negative consiquences. And just as important positive actions cause positive consiquences. Every child is unique and every parent is different as long as you find what works be consistant and it is working that is what matteres.
     
  15. Roguelet

    Roguelet Guest

    No Rachel not ONE person has answered this question including you.

    So NOW you agree a switch and spanking is a appropiate tool, well you never said that to me before ?

    You said " when needed " so when do you think it is needed if not when disobeying a first time INSTRUCTION ? Be careful lets not contradict ourselves now
    ;)
     
  16. Roguelet

    Roguelet Guest

    DEEJAY...... I LOVED YOUR ANSWER but then I find I often do. THANKS [​IMG]
     
  17. Rachel

    Rachel New Member

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    I didn't feel the need to tell you what I do or believe especially with your condescending attitude.
     
  18. Roguelet

    Roguelet Guest

    I am not being condensending I am asking a question that anyone would ask a counselor if seeking help in disciplining children. If I was counseling someone I KNOW I have an answer that would help them. But you and your friends have NO answer that would be very benificial to that person.

    Just trying to narrow down what you all believe " WORKS " but no one can, because I and others have already said what WORKS but you cannot accept that answer as truth !
     
  19. Petrel

    Petrel New Member

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    Roguelet, lay off already. Everyone here will spank a kid if they really need it. Everyone here will also use other forms of discipline. Getting stuck in a rut using one form of discipline in every situation for every child is foolish.
     
  20. Petrel

    Petrel New Member

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    I agree completely. For instance, we can't take your testimony as evidence. One of your kids might be a counterfeiter, and another a DEMOCRAT! :eek: We shouldn't just take any unknown person's word on how we ought to raise our children just like their angels--their kids might actually be axe murderers!

    Good point. [​IMG]
     
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