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Elderly People Jokes

Discussion in 'Jokes & Humor (Clean)' started by Revmitchell, Feb 4, 2010.

  1. Revmitchell

    Revmitchell Well-Known Member
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    DRIVING

    Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both
    could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising
    along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red,
    but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger
    seat thought to herself 'I must be losing it. I could
    have sworn we just went Through a red light.'

    After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection
    and the light was red. Again, they went right through.. The
    woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light
    had been red but was really concerned that she was losing
    it. She was getting nervous.

    At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red
    and they went on through. So, She turned to the other woman
    and said, 'Mildred, did you know that we just ran
    through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us
    both!'

    Mildred turned to her and said, 'Oh, crap, am I driving?'
     
  2. Revmitchell

    Revmitchell Well-Known Member
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    SENIOR DRIVING

    As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car
    phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice
    urgently warning him, 'Herman, I just heard on the news
    that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77.
    Please be careful!' 'Heck,' said Herman,
    'It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!'
     
  3. Revmitchell

    Revmitchell Well-Known Member
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    Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over
    the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and
    adventures... Lately, their activities had been limited to
    meeting a few times a week to play cards.

    One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the
    other and said, 'Now don't get mad at me ... I know
    we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't
    think of your name! I've thought And thought, but I
    can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is..

    Her friend glared at her for at least three minutes she
    just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, 'How
    soon do you need to know?'
     
  4. Revmitchell

    Revmitchell Well-Known Member
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    'I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!'

    Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf
    one fine March day. One remarked to the other, 'Windy,
    isn't it?' 'No,' the second man replied,
    'it's Thursday.' And the third man chimed in,
    'So am I. Let's have a beer.'
     
  5. Revmitchell

    Revmitchell Well-Known Member
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    Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house
    together. One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts
    her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters,
    'Was I getting in or out of the bath?' The
    94-year-old yells back, 'I don't know. I'll come
    up and see.' She starts up the stairs and pauses
    'Was I going up the stairs or down? The 92-year-old is
    sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her
    sisters, she shakes her head and says, 'I sure hope I
    never get that forgetful, knock on wood.' She then
    yells, 'I'll come up and help both of you as soon as
    I see who's at the door.'
     
  6. Revmitchell

    Revmitchell Well-Known Member
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    An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report
    that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she
    explains her situation to the dispatcher: 'They've
    stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and
    even the accelerator!' she cried. The dispatcher said,
    'Stay calm. An officer is on the way.' A few minutes
    later, the officer radios in 'Disregard.' He says.
    'She got in the back-seat by mistake.'
     
  7. Scarlett O.

    Scarlett O. Well-Known Member
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    An eldery gentlemen who is 92 walks into a bar and orders an Evian water. He sees an elderly woman sitting at a table. She is close to his age. He shuffles over and gives her "the look".

    She smiles and gives him "the look" and he sits down beside her.

    She leans toward him and bats her eyelashes. He leans towards her and says quite confidently and debonairly, "So tell me something, pretty lady. Do I come here often?"

    [​IMG]
     
  8. Crabtownboy

    Crabtownboy Well-Known Member
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    Did you hear about the 83-year-old woman who talked herself out of a speeding ticket by telling the young officer that she had to get there before she forgot where she was going?
     
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