Episodic vs chronic OCD

I don’t give psychiatric hypothesis and diagnoses anywhere near the credit and being spot on correct as many others do today…and I certainly don’t look upon many/most of these mental differences as “disorders” and in fact I have come to know my personal wiring differences to be a blessing in many ways.


Therefore, I emphasize with your situation and can only give food for thought and share as per my life experiences which I would gladly do rather than engage in cutting through these psychiatric diagnoses which to be honest I believe are greatly overplayed and sorry, but honestly, and I’m notorious at being blatantly honestly with my words, I suspect that you likely have an obsession with.

To begin explaining my perception of OCD like occurrences, I had a severe speech impediment as a child, but at the age of about 11 I came to recognize and understand just how much my wiring was different and therein understood how my perception and expression might not be understood by others. For instance, at about the age of 5 I became enlightened to the fact that although it seemed to me I was talking like everyone else, that not only could no one understand hardly a word I said but I couldn’t even understand myself when my speech was played back to me on a tape recorder. Because I was so young and I had to have the desire and ability to address this myself it took years before I might say on this life changing day from hearing that tape recording that I realized that I had to be a translator between the way my obsessive overactive mind worked and what my expectations were for what I wanted other people to see and hear coming from me. A key to me was that I had to learn to sloooooow dooowwnnn and methodically pronounce and organize the sounds and thoughts coming from my mouth which took a lot of self-discipline, always being conscience of what other people were hearing but within the next year my speech greatly improved and by 13 I was communicating much better. I worked hard on it for years, you might say I was "obsessed" with perfecting it, (obsession is not always bad if you direct it) occasionally someone would ask me where I was from like I had an accent but that was about it. But I still often have to correct my speech, which I generally quickly do and this is hardly noticed before the sound comes out of my mouth, and the way that I articulate an idea.

I was not dumb and certainly wasn’t slow, in fact I was so fast in my thoughts, which could be very obsessive, that I had to learn to deal with staying on track – not because things didn’t make sense to me, I kind of like jumping all over in my thoughts, but because I could not communicate my thoughts to others if I did not “translate” them to others in a normal way.

My obsession for speed and also repetition was apparent from a small child when I had a “pound peg” toy and like lightening speed would pick a pattern to knock down the pegs with a hammer and flip it and repeat for like hours. My dad would get mad about the monotonous racket and my mom was more amazed about my precision and speed and said I was obviously meant to be a builder. BTW, years later I built our 5,400sf home entirely by myself and rarely have I ever seen anyone come close to being in my league when it comes to mass-production in the woodworking shop, so good to be found in it.

Reading was a special challenge because I could not hardly finish a thought provoking sentence without being distracted by my mind skipping to other thoughts. I dropped out of high school as a freshman and never finished and I guarantee you that today some psychologist would have diagnosed me with a “disorder” and prescribed mind altering drugs to block the rapid impulses from my God given wiring.

In my 20s I began reading the newspaper every day while I worked to stay on track to finish paragraphs before I let my mind loose and it literally used to give me headaches to do this. This was pretty frustrating. Yet, I learned to read and although I was slower than most people I came to appreciate that after I read something that I had put all this extra thought, which would slip in, into what I have read so not only did I comprehend but had looked at things from different angles before I even finished reading. I now have a college degree in physical therapy, in which the curriculum was so challenging that only 13 of 33 of my classmates were able to complete the course. My professors noted that I am quick to “think out of the box” and I have found this to be a benefit to my patients many times. Interestingly, but of no surprise, I’ve now mixed together my knowledge of physical therapy and my woodworking skills to build physical therapy devices. My reading has gradually increased in speed over the years but not without considerable effort.

My "special" wiring has and always will present challenges, not everything about it is always good but I weigh the good and bad and am thankful for the way I am and what I have been given. I came to consider it a blessing in many ways, in fact, I believe it to outweigh the bad. I have learned to recognize when I become obsessive over something but I would never tell myself the reason for this is because I don’t have enough mind altering drugs in my system nor, again, do I give psychologists the credit for having figured out the “cure” or the best way to cope to with the symptoms by using these many drugs.

The “scientific hypothesis” from medical doctors of psychiatry can be endless and no doubt one could become obsessed with studying their diagnosis, conclusions, treatments and methods but in my book these “scientific hypothesis” are mere “educated guesses” often built on “specially formulated” (I could go on and on about what they neglect to factor in because of their schooling with certain blinders on, but will spare you…) conclusions to fill their scientific egos and I think of it like, for example:

90% of back surgeries are unnecessary but only if a rigorous physical training program that "naturally" corrects muscular imbalances and improves the posture were implemented and carried out – which is no quick and "easy" fix and takes great determination but natural and much preferred results as far as I’m concerned!

I’ll say this, my special wiring will always be with me, and it is a part of me, in fact, sometimes when I pray, in private, I will revert back to my comfort zone of a natural flow of incomprehensible speech in this world while knowing that God understands exactly where I’m coming from and where I’m going with it. But I’m careful about that because if someone were to see me doing this they would think I was speaking in tongues! LOL.