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From the Onion: Berkeley Campus On Lockdown

Discussion in 'News & Current Events' started by Rolfe, Apr 20, 2017.

  1. Rolfe

    Rolfe Well-Known Member
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    From The Onion:

    Berkeley Campus On Lockdown After Loose Pages From ‘Wall Street Journal’ Found On Park Bench

    BERKELEY, CA—Advising students to remain in their dormitories and classrooms until the situation was resolved, the University of California, Berkeley declared a campuswide lockdown Thursday after several loose pages from The Wall Street Journal were found on a park bench outside a school building. “At 11:15 this morning, several pages from two separate sections of today’s Wall Street Journal were discovered spread across a bench outside of Eshleman Hall in Lower Sproul Plaza,” read the urgent alert sent to all students and faculty, emphasizing that while campus security and local police had safely disposed of the pages, there was no way of knowing if others were strewn elsewhere on university grounds. “As of now, the perpetrator remains at large, so it is vital that you stay where you are until the all-clear is given. In the meantime, notify police immediately if you have any additional information at all regarding this incident.” At press time, a black-clad group of 50 students were throwing bottles at the bench while chanting, “No Nazis, No KKK, No Fascist U.S.A!”

    Berkeley Campus On Lockdown After Loose Pages From ‘Wall Street Journal’ Found On Park Bench

    *laugh*
     
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