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Good for a man not to touch a woman...

Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by Jeep Dragon, Aug 15, 2006.

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  1. Brother Bob

    Brother Bob New Member

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    This question alone begs for a lot of Jokes. I have a little mischief about me and its hard not to use it here. :laugh: :laugh: :saint: :flower:
     
    #81 Brother Bob, Aug 19, 2006
  2. El_Guero

    El_Guero New Member

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    This passage is often taken out of context, but (and I do really mean but) it is in there as an admonition that some believers will not marry. Just as I am opposed to the new 'Christian' theology of opposing marriage - I am also against the age old over pressure on singles to marry. Some folks are just not meant to get married.

    IMHO.
     
    #82 El_Guero, Aug 19, 2006
  3. MrCorey

    MrCorey Member

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    I am new here and it seems I'm coming into this topic a bit late. But I'd like to add my two cents. I am a single male and have never been married. I will be 45 y/o next month. I have a woman friend, who like me, has never been married. We've been friends for about 20 years. When we go places {or not} she likes to touch me. When we are walking, she will put her arm around my waist. I must say, this bothers me. I do not like it at all. I put up with it because I love her dearly. But to me it is out of place for a Christian woman to touch a man as well. Personally, I don't like being touched by anybody, family or friends. I don't say anything because I know I would hurt her feelings, but it seems to me a bit out of place and especially when we are out in public. For example at a fair, or at the zoo, or in the mall, etc. I just don't like it and it embarrasses me.

    So, am I weird or what? :eek:
     
    #83 MrCorey, Aug 24, 2006
  4. El_Guero

    El_Guero New Member

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    -c-

    I think you are pretty normal for a man . . . I don't think we do great with any intimacy, but I really (IMHO) think we do worse in intimacy when we deal with a woman we do not want to have deeper feelings for . . .
     
    #84 El_Guero, Aug 24, 2006
  5. Scarlett O.

    Scarlett O. Moderator
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    No, MrCorey, you are not weird. Every human being on the face of the earth gets to decide for himself or herself what is acceptable and not acceptable in terms of other humans beings invading their personal space and their personal "person". :laugh:

    May I just say this to you as a one who is female. This friend of yours who is touching you in ways that makes you feel uncomfortable, in private as well as public.......she is reading a whole lot more into the relationship that you are. Women do not "hang" onto men unlesss they think that the affection is or could possibly be reciprocated.

    You can't worry about hurting her feelings by telling her that you are "not into her" like that. You are doing far worse damage to her by not telling her.

    She has you pegged as PHM (potential husband material) and she is just biding her time, thinking that you are going to "come around" to see it her way.

    We women are baaaad about that.

    By the way, I'll be 45 next month, too! But I don't like to think about it! :mad:
     
    #85 Scarlett O., Aug 24, 2006
  6. El_Guero

    El_Guero New Member

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    MrCorey

    IMHO.

    It is not normal for a woman to think of a man as only potential husband material (gotta love potential - whatever happened to real instead of imitation).

    She could really just be your friend - you might want to have a talk about that - but, it is not abnormal for women to like men almost like a brother. Brotherly love happens in most cultures. It even happened a lot here in the USA before feminism took over . . . and taught men and women to fear normal relationships.

    IMHO.
     
    #86 El_Guero, Aug 24, 2006
  7. Scarlett O.

    Scarlett O. Moderator
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    Not normal for a single woman to think of an available and worthy single man that she is in a relationship with as a potential husband?!?!?!?!?!?!? What planet are you from? :laugh:

    Brother, El_Guero....every grown adult woman in the universe who is not married....well, all of the heterosexual ones....evaluate the available and worthy single men in their lives and ask themselves, "Could he be the one?" Labeling a man as potential husband material is merely asking yourself does he measure up to what I am looking for in a husband!?!? A man who is potential husband material is someone whom you are interested in and actively pursue possible matrimony with! Although women are very careful not to mention that word too early in a relationship with a man who is a PHM kind of guy. :laugh:

    I think I must have offended you somewhere down the line because you disagree with just about everything that I say and it's really getting kind of silly! :saint:

    Yes, there are platonic relationships between men and women. I have several of them.

    But a woman who puts her hands all over a man and cuddles up to him intimately and physically in private and in public to the point where he is very uncomfortable with it......well, in case you don't understand, she "ain't" thinking "brotherly" thoughts about him!! :laugh:

    And she doesn't fear a normal relationship.

    And I have no clue what you are talking about with the feminism thing......
     
    #87 Scarlett O., Aug 24, 2006
  8. El_Guero

    El_Guero New Member

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    Yes ma'am it is rather silly . . .
     
    #88 El_Guero, Aug 24, 2006
  9. El_Guero

    El_Guero New Member

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    MrCorey

    Hang in there brother. Do a DTR talk - define the relationship.

    I will be praying for you.

    Wayne
     
    #89 El_Guero, Aug 24, 2006
  10. MrCorey

    MrCorey Member

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    Well, as I stated, we've been friends for over 20 years. I would think by now she would realize I'm not marriage material. As for the talk. I have spoken to her about our relationship and that it will never go any further than best friends. She just isn't the one. I don't know if there ever will be "the one" at my age, but I know it's not her. And she knows it too. I think she just loves me pleutonically-but I find her way of showing it uncomfortable. Other than telling her I don't like her touching me {which I never did} she does know how I feel. I just always keep my mouth shut cuz' I don't want to hurt her. As I said, I love her dearly. She's one of my best friends. And over the past 20 years, we've been through a lot. But she knows I'll never marry her. I have plainly told her so. :rolleyes:
     
    #90 MrCorey, Aug 24, 2006
  11. PeterM

    PeterM Member

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    You are certainly not weird my brother. Most people who are gregarious in their nature are also frequently physical in their communication of their affection. Unless you are absolutely put off by her gestures, you may just need to create some easy boundaries when in public. Be the gentle "older brother" as best as you can as you never want to convey rejection. Your discomfort is valid and valuable, and she ought to respect that, but affection between friends is special too.
     
    #91 PeterM, Aug 24, 2006
  12. LeBuick

    LeBuick New Member

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    One problem is you allowed it to go on too long. You seem like a security blanket to her as every woman needs to feel accepted. I'd just ask one day why does she do it. Her answer may make it something you may want to tolerate.
     
    #92 LeBuick, Aug 24, 2006
  13. MrCorey

    MrCorey Member

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    Yes, I agree. I did let it go on too long. The main reason I have put up with it all these years and kept my mouth shut is because I was sexually abused. So, I always figured the problem was with me, not her. I just am very uncomfortable with anybody touching me, even family. WHich I consider her family as she's like a sister to me.

    My reason for this post was just to point out that it's not always just woman who find touching inappropriate, but some men feel the same way as well. I don't even like shaking hands, but it's a part of our culture that I have to put up with.

    {PS, I love all these smilies!!} :type:
     
    #93 MrCorey, Aug 25, 2006
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