I need Boyfriend Advice

HI Again Princess, Well, you said:

It MIGHT be that you, in your heart, feel you're getting way too serious and attached way too fast and feel the need to 'step back'.

Now I'm almost 53 and hardly ever dated before I got married, LOL, but my thought is that you might talk honestly with this young man. Tell him you REALLY like him but because of how strong you feel toward him that for a little while you'd like to do things in groups and just be great friends.

I don't know how old or young you are, other than you being a student, and I'm not against young love but if he's the one God has chosen for you, he'll still be around when YOUR timing is right.

Major advice is just be honest! He might be feeling the same way!

Diane Tavegia
mom and grandmother

 

The books "Kiss Dating Goodbye" and Focus on the Families "Passport to Purity" are both excellent. Full of great advice. Wish I'd read them both when I was young!

I prayed for you,Princess

 

I wouldn't rush into anything you are only 14. I am 15 and have been asked out by 5 guys in the same day(Long story, it was church camp, the big theing is to get a date to fireworks. never went with any of them) trust me no guy is worth getting into a relationship with until you guys are able to talk about marriage.

 

Dating is not about looking for the right person but about becoming the right person. At your age spend a lot of time with groups of people. Get to know others on a group level. Be in love with God. A man who loves God is attracted to a lady who loves God. That was the very first thing I noticed about my wife when we were dating. She is very beautiful. But beauty does not make better communication and love for God. Make yourself and interesting and attractive person. Read good books and study the Bible well. Studying the Bible will give you wisdom beyond your years. Spend your time investing your life in the lives of other young ladies your age. Make disciples. Spend time with an older lady who is making disciples. Anyone who make disciples will never lack for encouragement and things to do. If you spend time with those who are actively making disciples you will find that the depth of your relationships will be far greater. I still communicate with most of those I knew from when I was 18 and accepted Christ. That was 32 years ago. Of the four men that were in the first Bible study led by the man who led us to Christ three have been in full time Christian work. The other is a medical doctor and is making disciples. Everyone is living for Jesus 32 years later. He was my model of how it is done. Since that time I have met with men and women teaching and training them to lead others and reach others. Just imagine how I feel when I am down and feel worthless. It encourages me to know that God uses me despite muy weaknesses. God will give you tremendous opportunities if you will let Him.

John said in 3 John 4, "I have no greater joy than this, to hear of my children walking in the truth."

Take a look at http://66.218.71.225/search/cache?p=Born+to+Reproduce&url=csV8EdPVFzIJ:www.bibleteacher.org/Dm118_8.htm

 

I may be way off here, but at your age I was not thinking about marriage in any serious sense. I hope you meant that you wouldn't date someone you couldn't marry based on values, not that you will marry young. You have to mature and develop your own self first. have fun in groups, but don't worry so much about dating now. In the long run I think it's better to have friends at this age than to have "boyfriends". Love develops over long periods of time; I think you may have confused love with excitement. I am not trying to diminish your feelings; just speaking from YEARS of experience Love yourself, too!!

 

Princess, I do understand what you mean about 'not dating anyone you wouldn't marry'. My mother had told me that also and I only dated a couple of guys before I met and married Jim. I'm still VERY GOOD FRIENDS with those guys (35 years later) because we dated through church groups and have nothing to be ashamed of.

Let me think about what you should say to this boy. Is he also 15 ish?

Diane

 

Only since you asked...

Marriage should not be a priority. I would encourage you to strengthen your skills (whatever they are), talk to older women about what would better prepare you for marriage, learning more about the word, and focusing on purity.

Keep your parents involved in your life and don't blow them off (even if they are unsaved). Your dad is your best protection. What does he think of this guy?

If the guy makes any advances toward you, end it. If he will do that now, not being married, don't put it past him to lack self-control within marriage.

Also (and it was a huge help), my wife worked a part time job and saved everything. When we married, it helped eliminate that whole first year marriage problem thing.

Finally, encourage this guy to learn a skill or prepare himself to learn a skill that he could provide for you and him one day.

If marriage is the focus, you won't be ready. If you prepare yourself and he does the same, marriage won't be stressful at first (not that it ever has to be...).

 

Princess, it is fun to have lots of friends, boys and girls. You really don't have to have one special "boy friend". I can't tell you how many times "I fell in love or at least thought that I did".

The age 14 was such a terrible year for me that I have blotted it out of my memory, except for the part where a new girl came to town and attracted the attention of all the boys. Yes, the boy friend I had had since I was 9 years old.

So by the time, I was 15, I was "in love" again. We would date awhile, break up, date awhile, break up. This lasted for 5 years...I didn't really fall in love until I was 22 and married my first husband (first because he died suddenly after 34 years of marriage) And I have truly found the love of my life in my second husband.

My advice again is to make friends, have fun, don't think about marriage to anyone, but learn and grow. I know that this is a very serious time in your life, but you are preparing for your future.

I don't know that you have to explain anything to this friend. Go out with him when you want to and if you don't, tell him you don't want to go out with him.

Oh, yes, I am mother and grandmother. I have four granddaughters from ages 6 - 18 and three grandsons 12-16.

 

From a guys persspective, he's gonna wanna know how you feel. You need to sit down and talk to him about it and tell him your feelings for him cause he may feel exactly the same way. Don't rush it, just take it slow and it should all work out in the end.

 

Princess, you didn't say how old this young man was, but how is he maturity wise? The reason I ask is because he "broke up" with you four days after he asked to date you.
But my biggest question is at ages 13,14,15, and all around there, why date at all?
I do know one woman who actualy got married at fourteen {YIKES!} and she really isn't too old. Thankfully, they've stayed married all these years, BUT she told me if she had it to do over she'd have waited longer before she dated and married.
And I'm sure you don't have any wild ideas of getting married at fourteen, but my point is, she DID date young and would rather have not if she could go back.
We don't have too many youths in my church, so I've never seen it from that perspective, but from what I've seen in the schools is that most of the "dating" teens do dosn't last very long. It's more or less something they just "do."
Your mom is right about not dating someone you couldn't see yourself married to, but Lord willing you won't be getting married anytime soon! Your young. Don't rush living. Time goes fast enough as it is.
You admitted yourself you wern't ready for the emotions you were feeling.
Why not simply tell this guy you want to be friends for now, and in a few years, think about dating?
Your young and I know it's weird cause your not exactly a kid, but you aren't exactly an adult either.
If he is the one the Lord has for you, he won't dissappear or change his mind in a few years time.
And right now, while you're steal a young teenager, concern yourself with living for the Lord. You'll be a grown woman soon enough if the rapture dosn't take place before then!
~Miss Abby
Proverbs 31:30 KJB

 

i agree that being honest with the guy and talking to him is a good thing. however do not make yourself vulnerable to him. when you do that you risk a lot!!

i would caution you to have proper boundaries with any guy friends you have. there is a great book called "Boundaries in Dating" with great advice on how to date without getting hurt. and at your young age you need to be especially cautious about that. you are still maturing and changing and so are guys your age. and although some people do marry who they date at young ages - it is not that common.

i would also highly recommend that you read "Passion and Purity" but Elisabeth Elliot. she has much wisdom in this area.

 

I just got on here out of curiosity, i mean in this topic. I think I am going to take some of the advice about not dating enless you think there is a chance you could marry that person. There is only 1 person right now that I find that possible. It was the first girl I really loved. I talk to her sometimes but not a whole lot. THanks for the advice.