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Intelligent insulting

Discussion in 'Jokes & Humor (Clean)' started by John of Japan, Mar 24, 2020.

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  1. Covenanter

    Covenanter Well-Known Member
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    I don't understand what we call "American English." It never makes sense - especially when your POTUS speaks. But it's funny.
     
    #21 Covenanter, May 22, 2020
  2. John of Japan

    John of Japan Well-Known Member
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    Here is a classic intelligent insult from J. Frank Norris about my grandfather: “John R. Rice is the kindest, gentlest, sweetest man ever to stab a man in the back or scuttle a ship!”

    This was an adaptation of a quote by Henry Watterson: “Theodore Roosevelt was as sweet a man as ever scuttled a ship or cut a throat,” which was in turn from Lord Byron’s epic poem, “Don Juan”: “He was the mildest manner’d man that ever scuttled ship or cut a throat” (Canto III, 41).
     
    #22 John of Japan, May 26, 2020
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  3. John of Japan

    John of Japan Well-Known Member
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    “Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.”
    ― Steven Wright
     
    #23 John of Japan, May 28, 2020
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  4. InTheLight

    InTheLight Well-Known Member
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    "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one." -George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill.

    "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second ... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.
     
    #24 InTheLight, Jun 24, 2020
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  5. Salty

    Salty 20,000 Posts Club
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    OK - April 1971 - I arrived at Oakland Army Base, for shipment to VietNam. But our entire company was diverted to USAEUR. So a few days later I arrived in Zweibruecken, Germany. I was assigned to the US Army Material Command, Europe (MATCOM-EUR). Well, the only clothes I had was my class A's and one set of Class B Kakias. Come Sunday morning, I attended chapel (in uniform, of course). After Service, Chaplain Lucky (I wont mentioned he was Lutheran) welcomed me to Sunny Zweib. He asked me how I enjoyed the service. To tell you the truth - it was not much more than a 4th grade Sunday Class. Well, being young, dumb and Stupid, I replied "Chaplain, I am a Baptist, and I am used to good preaching"! He then pointed to the front of the chapel and said, you see that man to the left - he attends a Baptist church on Sunday nights. Why don't you go meet him!.

    I trust I have learned quite a bit over these past 50 years.

    Thanks John - your post # 5 reminded me of my post.
    John had said:
    "When I was young and foolish, I had a book of insults. I still remember a couple of them"
     
    #25 Salty, Jun 25, 2020
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  6. Salty

    Salty 20,000 Posts Club
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    #26 Salty, Jun 25, 2020
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  7. Sai

    Sai Well-Known Member

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    A taliban was detached from his men after a battle and found himself crossing a desert. As he walked he was out of water and thought of giving up when he spotted someone in the distance. As he got closer he noticed a Jewish man selling neckties. Do you have water? Said the taliban. The Jew seeing him said, my friend I don’t have any water but how would you like to buy one of my nice ties? Only five dollars?

    The taliban responded, I am a jihad fighter and I don’t want your western clothes and I hate Jews. If I had the strength I would kill you right now but I’m thirsty now give me some water!

    Well..the Jew said to him, this is what I’m going to do. I know you think you’re a better man than me and that your religion is the true faith, here, I’m going to be the better man and show you that I can be the better man. If you take this pass straight away you will come to a restaurant that has plenty of water and you can drink till your heart’s content.. ok but I might just come back and kill you..

    So the Jew said take care my friend and be blessed.. as the taliban walked he reached the restaurant. On the window was a great sign that read “no dining without a tie.”
     
    #27 Sai, Jun 25, 2020
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  8. Squire Robertsson

    Squire Robertsson Administrator
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    #28 Squire Robertsson, Jun 28, 2020
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    • Funny Funny x 1
  9. Squire Robertsson

    Squire Robertsson Administrator
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    More from the speaker:
     
    #29 Squire Robertsson, Jul 8, 2020
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  10. Covenanter

    Covenanter Well-Known Member
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    Winston Churchill was quoted on the BBC today by an American correspondent -
    "America always does the right thing, but only after exhausting all the alternatives."
     
    #30 Covenanter, Jul 9, 2020
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  11. RighteousnessTemperance&

    RighteousnessTemperance& Well-Known Member

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    LOL. That Churchill could be a cleverly funny little devil, probably even when he was sober.

    It was good of him to note our penchant for wavering mightily before eventually voting in an Eisenhower, a Reagan, or a Trump. Sort of like the Brits finally voting in a Churchill, or making a Brexit. :Wink
     
    #31 RighteousnessTemperance&, Jul 9, 2020
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  12. Squire Robertsson

    Squire Robertsson Administrator
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    Even more from the former speaker:
     
    #32 Squire Robertsson, Jul 9, 2020
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  13. Squire Robertsson

    Squire Robertsson Administrator
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    #33 Squire Robertsson, Jul 13, 2020
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