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Interesting thought provoking satire.

Discussion in 'Bible Versions & Translations' started by Jordan Kurecki, Dec 30, 2013.

  1. Jordan Kurecki

    Jordan Kurecki Well-Known Member
    Site Supporter

    Apr 26, 2013
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    From http://www.puritanboard.com/f63/why-do-kj-only-types-believe-westcott-hort-manuscripts-bad-14539/

    Elder Dim Whit, "œWelcome everybody to the Truth of Truth Ministry´s weekly Bible study. Thanks for being here. I´m stoked. Our passage to study tonight is John 11:35 Jesus wept. Let´s see what we can learn from this passage. Who wants to go first?"￾

    Bob, "œWell, my New English Common Vernacular version doesn´t read Jesus wept but that "œJesus groaned."￾

    Mary, "œInteresting, you know the Greek word there for wept is "˜awahuu´ "“ I got this from Nestle."￾

    Bill, "œWow, profound!"￾

    Bob, "œBut my version, The "œNewest English Super Common Version"￾ says grunt."￾

    Jack, "œYou mean Jesus grunted?!?!"￾

    Mike: "œMy new "œAuthentic Expository Rendition"￾ matches Vaticanus! And didn´t they find this great manuscript in trash can in the Vatican library?

    AVBunyan: "œYes, they did "“ maybe they should have left it there."￾

    Harry, "œI have a Greek lexicon from the 4th century Syrian that says the word for wept is really, "˜awahooie´ which makes a major difference in the phrasing! Wow, I get so excited when I use the Greek "“ makes me feel, well, just enlightened like an angel of light!"￾

    Elder Dim Whit, "œI can see this is going to be a very uplifting night. Nothing like some real dynamic equivalent renderings using the aros tense of the subjective superlative!"￾

    Bill, "œHarry, where did you learn Greek?"￾

    Harry, "œI don´t really know Greek I just read it in Zodiates book, "œHow to Master Greek in 30 Days."￾

    Martha, "œWell, I have a Greek lexicon from the 14th Century revision of the Lollard #3 and the word wept can also be translated moaned."￾

    Martha, "œYou have to understand the trials and tribulations for the times for without this information you can´t enter into the emotional congatative condiveness of the sureality."￾

    AV, "œWhat am I missing here "“ we are only talking about two words."￾

    Harry, "œHush, AV, you´ve got a bad attitude! What about all those poor people before 1611?"￾

    Elder Dim Whit, "œHush, AV you are not exhibiting the sweet spirit of the Christ here. Also, what about all those people in other countries who can´t even speak English?
    Now let´s get back to our Bible study. Who has some more nuggets on, Jesus wept?"￾

    Mr. Brilliant, "œMy new updated "˜Antioch Gratulative Retention Bible´ speaks of the word wept being in the past tense conjegative thus meaning that Jesus was weeping before he ever got there. This really touched my heart."￾

    Mary, "œOh, I feel my life is now completely changed based upon that nugget "“ thanks Mr. Brilliant."￾

    Mr. Brilliant, "œBy the way my new version is special for the translators of this great work translated it so there are no words with less than 9 letters long so as to bring out the most demonstrative and subjectivelatuative meaning of the words thus enabling me to get all that can be gotten from the most complicated renderings thus making me even more brilliant in the eyes of unenlightened believers."￾

    Harry, "œI still think we need to examine the different 3rd century renditions of the Greek word "˜awahooe´ so we can see how other Greek writers used the word so we can determine the most reliable and effective use of the word for the most authentic rendering of the verse thus pulling from it all the vast riches of this profound word "˜awahooe´.

    AV, "œBut how do you decide who is right?"￾

    Mike, "œAV, you are so narrow-minded! How can you read a Bible with Easter in it anyway?"￾

    Nancy, "œHow do we even know John 11:35 was really in the originals?"￾

    Neal, "œI found a scholar who read of a professor who talked with his gardener who knew an archeologists who was able to gaze upon the famous fragment P734075439.479 1/2 from the collection over in Dead Sea Visitor´s Center, oh I mean the "˜Dead Sea Museum of Ancient Artifacts´ and he says it is there."￾

    Nancy, "œWow, could the archeologists read Greek?"￾

    Neal, "œNo, but the janitor could and he told him that P734075439.479 1/2 contained the verse as it stands in many of the modern versions."￾

    Elder Dim Whit, "œWell, that is great "“ I think we can call this Bible study a great success. Let´s meet next week so we can have some time to digest these great truths. Then we will be prepared to really dig into John 11:35 verse using all the modern tools and resources available."￾

    Mary, "œYou are not coming next week are you AV?"￾

    AV, "œNo, I think I´ll just stay home and watch some Captain Kangaroo reruns, thank you for asking and for being so thoughtful."￾
  2. NaasPreacher (C4K)

    NaasPreacher (C4K) Well-Known Member

    Oct 21, 2003
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    Bible study at the King James Baptist Church.

    Teacher: Okay, today I am excited about our study of 1 John 5.12. Let's open our King James Bibles (AMEN!!!!) and read it together.

    All: He that hath the Son hath life; and he that hath not the Son of God hath not life.

    1611 devotee: But wait! My Authorised 1611 King James Bible doesn't say that!

    Teacher: What? They are both the authorised KJB!?!?!

    1611 devotee: My 1611 KJB never says 'of God.' Here's what it says - 'Hee that hath the Sonne, hath life; and hee that hath not the Sonne, hath not life.'

    Teacher: Here, let me see that...hmm, well - that is surely just a printer's error.

    Member: - So the Authorised 1611 King James Bible has a mistake??

    Teacher - No!! It is perfect! It's just that it is perfect with a small printer's error.

    Member 2 - How do we know that he mistake isn't in our 1769 edition? Did the later editors add to the word of God? Did the 1611 take away those words?
    How do we know there are not other little errors?

    Teacher - You need to stop with your spirit of division and hatred. Stop attacking God's word!! Now let's get back to our study.

    Source: Me
    #2 NaasPreacher (C4K), Dec 30, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 30, 2013
  3. robycop3

    robycop3 Well-Known Member
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    Jul 31, 2000
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    Roger's edition of "Sunday Night Live"! (LOL)

    (Teach continued: "Youse dont got no REEL BIBUL thar, Sunnie!")
  4. NaasPreacher (C4K)

    NaasPreacher (C4K) Well-Known Member

    Oct 21, 2003
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    Strange how this thread died so quickly.
  5. Scarlett O.

    Scarlett O. Well-Known Member
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    May 22, 2002
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    It's because the thread title was ever so misleading and did not describe the OP.

    The OP was satirical in that it mocked and belittled, but it was not interesting and not in a thousand lifetimes was it thought provoking.


    Good job.
  6. Yeshua1

    Yeshua1 Well-Known Member
    Site Supporter

    Mar 19, 2012
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    maybe because its best to leave comedy to the pros!

    Irony is that KJVO postings by and of themselves are quite funny/amusing/ and also at same time!
  7. InTheLight

    InTheLight Well-Known Member
    Site Supporter

    Dec 17, 2010
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    (More Bible study at the King James Baptist Church)

    Let's open our King James Bible (AMEN!) to Philipians 1:22 and read it together:

    [All read:] "But if I live in the flesh, this is the fruit of my labour: yet what I shall choose I wot not."

    12 year old: "I don't understand--what does "I wot not" mean?

    Leader: "I don't know."

    Acolyte #1: "Yes, that's correct."

    Leader: "What's correct?"

    Acolyte #1: "I don't know."

    Leader: "You don't know what?"

    Acolyte #1: "I don't know is what wot not means."

    Leader: "Huh?"

    Acolyte #1: "Wot not means I don't know."

    Leader: "You're talking gibberish. Hang on, let me consult my 1828 Webster's Dictionary. Now where did I put that thing..."

    Acolyte #2: "While your looking for that dear Leader, my Geneva Bible says.."

    Group (interrupting): What?!! A Geneva Bible? WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT OUTDATED TRANSLATION?!!"

    Acolyte #2: "My Geneva Bible says, 'And whether to live in the flesh were profitable for me, and what to choose I know not.', so "wot not" means "know not".

    Leader: [leafing through 185 year old dictionary]"Wot, wot, wot....ah yes, here it is. It means "to know". So I guess "wot not" means "I don't know."

    Acolyte #1: "Told ya."