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I've lost nearly all interest in romantic things

Discussion in 'Other Discussions' started by questdriven, Jun 24, 2019.

  1. questdriven

    questdriven Well-Known Member

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    I think I've lost what interest I used to have (primarily in my teens) in romantic relationships. Not that it was ever that strong to begin with, but I definitely had an interest before. Now....I think I prefer being single and celibate. I could see myself falling for someone after knowing them a long time (as was the case with my last crush a few years ago), but I think....I'm just happy remaining as I am. I've never dated, and I don't really want to. If I ever fell for someone it would probably be a close friend.

    Sent from my SM-J737T1 using Tapatalk
     
  2. Revmitchell

    Revmitchell Well-Known Member
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    This could be a good thing. Paul spoke briefly of it but God could really use you in a dramatic way being single.
     
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  3. Earth Wind and Fire

    Earth Wind and Fire Well-Known Member
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    How about Christ? I have an exceptional wife that I’m in love with but just being together was hard, until changes eventually happened. My point is, it wasn’t easy... a struggle really.

    Now Christ brings out everything that’s a cut above... and I owe my better being to Him. Put your life in His hands and see what happens.
     
    #3 Earth Wind and Fire, Jun 24, 2019
    Last edited: Jun 24, 2019
  4. HankD

    HankD Well-Known Member
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    Yes this could be a blessing.Only thing just be sure you aren't suppressing your libido, that could spell trouble.

    Otherwise be thankful.Just think of all the misunderstandings you won't have to endure, money you can save, etc, etc,...
     
  5. Deacon

    Deacon Well-Known Member
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    Ya know, there’s medicine for that...:rolleyes:

    Rob :Whistling
     
  6. Scarlett O.

    Scarlett O. Well-Known Member
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    As young as you are, I would say the best thing is to follow what you feel right now and just serve God like you are. I think single people who despair over being single can't focus on the work of the Lord.

    This may sound overused, but if and when the Lord decides to bring a man to you or draws your attention to a certain man, that will be what it is.

    If you are content as you are now - fine. You may find yourself ill content later. Just be open to what God has in store.

    Single, dating, engaged, or married [even divorced or widowed] - find joy in serving God in his work.
     
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  7. 37818

    37818 Well-Known Member

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    A past Christian talk show host, Rich Buhler of "Talk From the Heart" of KBRT radio, taught that romance is the man's responsibility, not the woman's.
     
  8. Earth Wind and Fire

    Earth Wind and Fire Well-Known Member
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    you have heard the expression that it takes two to tango. LOL
     
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  9. questdriven

    questdriven Well-Known Member

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    I'm going to go out on a limb here and ask if anyone has heard of aromantic asexuals? An aromantic person is someone who has never felt romantically attracted to anyone and isn't interested in romantic relationships, and an asexual is someone who has no desire for sexual relations. They aren't necessarily one in the same, but often go together.

    Since I have felt attracted to people in the past and used to want to get married (it sounded nice you know?), I'm not aromantic or asexual. But I kinda relate to them anymore.
    Even back when I did desire these things, it was never strongly. Even before I felt I could easily go my entire life without those desires being met. Now I care even less, is all.
     
  10. Benjamin

    Benjamin Well-Known Member
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    I have been seeing more and more that many of the youth today are sitting at their computers and in poor physical shape which directly effects hormones. The body is just not firing on all cylinders and when it is in poor condition one of the first things to go without feeling good because of your physical health is one's libido. Compound that with the availability to have some socialization but rarely face to face and it adds to the lack of motivation. The drive to shape up and get out there diminishes and does so earlier in life than even typical, not that I would ever call this a normal expectation. Often times they are embarrassed of their body shape and this is also a deterrent as their comfort zone can go from shy and insecure to repulsed to the idea of intimacy. - yet the mind naturally starves for real love which causes some to start looking in the wrong places - the thought of devoting oneself to the Lord is a beautiful advice but I believe the true reasons should be meditated on long and hard as to not become a bandage to a symptom rather than a look for a cure.
     
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  11. HankD

    HankD Well-Known Member
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    yes, celibacy is a gift as Jesus said and therefore probably rare.
    I have known two, both females, both very active in the Lord's ministry not devoted to FB or other social media.
     
  12. questdriven

    questdriven Well-Known Member

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    When I was a teenager I had (a couple) crushes and a libido. Both of those things are just gone now. Granted I am on antidepressants and antipsychotics which can affect libido, but I lost a lot of my interest before being on them.
     
  13. Earth Wind and Fire

    Earth Wind and Fire Well-Known Member
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    So what are you doing about it. Do you go to counseling? Have you spoken to doctors... maybe change your medication. I know this isn’t easy for you. My own niece went through this also but she was told she had to work past it and focus on a goal she has for her life and she is doing it. And because you are discussing it here it shows me you want to see past all the negative and move forward.

    BTW, my niece is 28 and she has set a goal you would think is so far to grasp that it will never be achieved. Her goal was to be a Vet tech... one who assists a veterinarian. She just graduated with honors. Now she is up in Ithaca NY working on an education working farm animals. She ultimately wants to be a veterinarian and a surgeon. And sister, she has no time for relationships... her focus is, well you know where that is
     
  14. Benjamin

    Benjamin Well-Known Member
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    Basically, I would tell you whatever you practice you get better at + either use it or lose it will hold true, so if one gets in the habit of putting these things out of their mind they will get good at doing such and not using these parts of the mind weakens them. Along with that, as you know, those drugs suppress and block connections so more than "granted they affect" you are fueling the fire - besides there is great evidence mounting that these types of mind altering drugs are a root cause of dementia. I would advise you to consider your concerns as a warning, unnatural development, listen to what your body is telling you and to re-access your cause & effect-treatment/action game plan. You might be surprised how major lifestyle changes can naturally turn things around if you can find the motivation to do the work and pull it out. I know you're smart enough...
     
  15. questdriven

    questdriven Well-Known Member

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    The thing is I'm not bothered by this at all. I'm happy being and staying single, and have felt that way for years. I just have even less interest now. This post was more about "coming out" than asking for help.

    I'm on these meds for OCD and anxiety, but I am considering tapering off of them simply because I'm not sure I need them. Social anxiety is something you can sometimes recover from, and I think I might have as I haven't been experiencing any symptoms lately. I even hold a job where I interact with strangers constantly. And my OCD comes and goes.
     
  16. Revmitchell

    Revmitchell Well-Known Member
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    commit yourself to the work of the Lord in your singleness. I would never counsel someone to go off meds assigned by doctors but I do think you should know that sleep, diet, and excersize do a lot to manage anxiety. Sugars, caffeine, and processed foods are big instigators.
     
  17. Benjamin

    Benjamin Well-Known Member
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    Yeah, I can tell the thought never even crosses your mind. ;)

    Hence my previous subtle observation: "- yet the mind naturally starves for real love which causes some to start looking [and attempting to justify] in the wrong places"
     
  18. questdriven

    questdriven Well-Known Member

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    I had one crush when I was 18-19, and then one at 23. The first was toward a man, the last one was toward a female friend. (Hence why I've mentioned being same sex attracted in a previous thread. I know better than to act on it, however, and I never told said friend about it.) I have the capacity to experience those feelings, I just don't have the drive to seek such things out. I do remember thinking at age 15 that having a boyfriend sounded nice, but I chose to put it off and focus on God. And at age 20 I remember thinking that marriage sounded nice. And then when I finally turned 22 (the age that had been suggested to me to start pursuing dating), I decided I was happy as I was and not interested enough to pursue anyone.

    Part of my reason for posting this was also to see what kind of response I'd receive. I hear from aromantic asexuals that people tell them that they'll change their mind one day or that they'll find the "right person" one day, even though such people have and have always had zero interest in it all.
    I'm not aromantic since aromantics by definition do not get crushes (when I've had two of them), and I'm not asexual either. But my capacity to feel those things is pretty low compared to most people, it seems.

    (I just turned 26 and have been on the psyche meds for about a year and two or three months.)

    Sent from my SM-J737T1 using Tapatalk
     
  19. Benjamin

    Benjamin Well-Known Member
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    As per what I said above, "Basically, I would tell you whatever you practice you get better at + either use it or lose it will hold true..." I've noted that you are very familiar with the arguments of aromantics, asexual, transgenders, gender neutrality, etc., and haven read you enough to know you are probably capable of using such "information" to form even better arguments than the average people who hold these views and lifestyles as "truths" then it follows that you are practicing things (views) that frankly I do not think are healthy for you as you are getting better at making these arguments. This comes back to motives that I believe are misplaced.

    From your interests I do not believe you are as far from romantic thought and desire of love as you believe. Again, I would hope you are not inclining itching ears to these people in search of love in the wrong places. Beware of what you surround yourself with because these ideas are a tool, (if you think about it one of his most powerful tools for destroying families, marriage etc.,) of one who hopes to take away, they are full of clever lies and will rob you of the path of wisdom spoken of in Proverbs chapters 1-7, beware of this stranger trying to seduce you in your weakness.

    Pro 4:21 Let them not depart from thine eyes; keep them in the midst of thine heart.
    Pro 4:22 For they are life unto those that find them, and health to all their flesh.
    Pro 4:23 Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.
    Pro 4:24 Put away from thee a froward mouth, and perverse lips put far from thee.
    Pro 4:25 Let thine eyes look right on, and let thine eyelids look straight before thee.
    Pro 4:26 Ponder the path of thy feet, and let all thy ways be established.
    Pro 4:27 Turn not to the right hand nor to the left: remove thy foot from evil.

    :2 That thou mayest regard discretion, and that thy lips may keep knowledge.
    Pro 5:3 For the lips of a strange woman drop as an honeycomb, and her mouth is smoother than oil:
    Pro 5:4 But her end is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a twoedged sword.
    Pro 5:5 Her feet go down to death; her steps take hold on hell.
    Pro 5:6 Lest thou shouldest ponder the path of life, her ways are moveable, that thou canst not know them.
    Pro 5:7 Hear me now therefore, O ye children, and depart not from the words of my mouth.
    Pro 5:8 Remove thy way far from her, and come not nigh the door of her house:

    Pro 7:4-5 Say unto wisdom, Thou art my sister; and call understanding thy kinswoman: (5) That they may keep thee from the strange woman, from the stranger which flattereth with her words.
     
  20. questdriven

    questdriven Well-Known Member

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    I think the scriptures make it clear that the path of celibacy is an honorable one, and if some are naturally inclined toward that, so what. I don't think it's really that far fetched to believe that people can be void of those desires altogether, we just happened to have coined a term for that experience is all. You don't have to accept transgenderism as valid to believe that people can be devoid of romantic and sexual desires.
    And, yes, that is a rarity. About 1% of the population, according to studies. Still, that's hundreds of thousands of people.

    That aside, what consequence is there to me never pursuing anything even if I do posess the inclination to some degree? Some people basically have to pursue marriage because they "burn with passion", but even people who have the inclination don't always feel that strong a desire to follow through with it. Lastly, just because I have some inclination doesn't mean I have to use it.
     
    #20 questdriven, Jul 10, 2019
    Last edited: Jul 10, 2019
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