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Life changes.

Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by Wanderer, Nov 1, 2015.

  1. Wanderer

    Wanderer Member

    Jul 1, 2007
    It has been a very long time since I have visited these forums.

    Over the years many things have changed since my last visit. I got married, have two kids, and still live in Alaska since summer 2008 (where I met my wife). We met at a Bible College on the very first day and everything just made sense.

    However, not everything has been smooth. We had our first child and with her being small and petite did major damage to her spine, only we didn't know it at the time. She was in pain, but it was milled enough for no major concerns. So one night through the grace of God I knew it was time to have another child - I even know it was going to be a girl.

    That pregnancy was rough and caused even more damage. Our daughter was stuck and required some persuasion. During her birth the Dr. recommended to never have children again and we are lucky to have the two that we have been gifted with. Therefore, before stitching her back up we had something done about that to insure we would never have to be left with a decision that could haunt our very core and beliefs concerning life.

    Nonetheless, the ride was not over yet. My wife's health continued to deteriorate to a point where we began seeking answers to her back pain. She tried pain management only to learn the Dr. was a quack and only about the money. She kept the true nature of my wife's pain hidden while trying everything under the sun.

    Eventually after some much needed searching and advice from family, we decided to finally see a spine specialist, which-in-turn told she needed to have a disc replacement - Okay, no problem! Sadly this was not the case, during all this time, I lost my grandfather, and then one year later lost my father to cancer. Nineteen days after my father passed while my daughter was in the hospital for infant asthma my father in-law was diagnosed with stage four colon cancer. He fought hard and survived twenty more months, but was not an easy fight and was taken early due to stress of his mother who was causing major issues with-in the family. I was close to him and had a lot of respect, he was a very good father, papa, and husband. Never once heard him yell or get upset, and always went out of his way; very meek and gentle.

    Anyways, it is not over yet. Five days prior to my wife's father passing away she was in a nasty car accident while out grabbing food for the family before going to spend time with her father on his death-bed. On the way home an older man who was on his way into the optometrist did not see my wife and pull into her while speeding.

    This caused many issues, from the hospitals bad service all the way to losing time with her father. The hospital sent her home right away without checking her over. Her knee was swollen, she was dizzy and her back was in even more pain. They essentially man handled her off the back board and pushed us out the door to clear a room. However, the next day while at her spine doctor appointment the doctor noticed her knee and decided to X-ray it while checking her back.

    What did we learn this day? She had a busted knee that would require knee surgery. Her disc replacement turned into a spinal fusion at the age of 25, and it was not just any fusion, we are talking about a huge metal cage with eleven screws at the tune of $105,000 with 18 months of recovery - currently five months complete.

    The knee surgery was a success, but she will be using a cane for a year or two. Plus, she is now epileptic due to the airbag hitting her so hard even the police commented on how lucky she is to be alive.

    During all this our marriage nearly fell apart several time, and I had to quit working because she could not be left alone until we had her seizures under control. Hopefully by January she will be well enough to care for the children so I can return to work. We have gone into major debt this last couple years, especially this last year. I had to return to college full time just to take the full student loans just to keep a roof over my families head. My wife returned to college as well, but she is taking classes on-line just to insure there is extra money, (Alaska is expensive, along with many Dr. appointments that require lots of gas).

    Well that is about it. My degree requires me on the oil field and wouldn't mind remaining in Alaska because of all the ample opportunities in my area. We have tons of natural gas developments and approximately 700 jobs opening for my position alone. The industry hires from my college with a near 100% hire rate with a income that is amazing! Would have graduated this coming summer, but had to drop my classes last semester, (five of em') due to her accident that caused me to fall behind; thankfully my college understood and gave a full refund. Now, I will not graduate until summer 2017 - you have to graduate in April because the industry hires in February and if you are not a student at the time your chances drop. So, I have to spread out my final semester into an entire year.

    Not over yet, my wife just hit me some information a couple weeks ago that is bittersweet. Her family fell apart after her father passed away and her brother moved down into Wyoming / Montana area. Now, she wants to move down to Montana or Colorado and start over. Problem is she is born raised Alaskan and while she has been out of state a couple times, she is would be in for some major culture shock.

    I am having mixed feeling, I life our home church, and while I have not attended in nearly two years because of work, homework, and caring for my wife of rough days - does not mean I want to leave this body of Christ. My wife goes with her mother and spends the day at her place on Sundays while I catch up on my homework and get other things done. Hopefully, I will have everything caught up by end of the year.

    Not only mixed feeling about leaving my church, but also the idea of leaving Alaska. I moved back up here because it is unique and different and dare I say even fun. However, at the same time moving down south would open a new chapter and season for my family. Housing is cheaper and there is more to do with the family. Up here you have to drive 3-4 hours to Anchorage and even then there is not much. My degree can go anywhere and more than likely will hold a job up her working either two on two off or one month on/off rotations for a while, but my local area is going to be booming with job opportunities and not everyone gets a job on the slope. More than likely I will have a job offer in my area or on one of the platforms. Still my wife is insisting on leaving and being closer to her brother, she thinks I can easily find a well paying job down south and while this is true that does not mean it would be a job in an area that we would like.

    Ugh, confused and would rather focus on graduating and then see where things lead, Problem is my classes can be finished on-line since they are blinded for slope workers to be able to take classes while gone on their rotation, and she wants to take advantage of that this summer.

    Sorry for the slight rant, God is good this I know. However, this last year has been insane and just need someone other than family and secular friends discuss matters with.

    Any thoughts, opinions, and discussions are welcomed!

    P.S. Sorry for any spelling errors, I rushed this to get it off my chest and get back to my essay.
  2. Jkdbuck76

    Jkdbuck76 Well-Known Member

    Jan 8, 2007
    I'm praying for you.

    Sent from my KFTT using Tapatalk
  3. mcdirector

    mcdirector Active Member

    Jul 11, 2005
    I'll be praying for you too! I've had to lean on people I don't know before because it was too painful to talk with the ones I did know.
  4. HAMel

    HAMel Well-Known Member

    Nov 15, 2009
    @Wanderer, with all due respect and no pun intended..., perhaps you have "wandered" away from where you should be. Perhaps falling prostrate to the ground crying out to God might open doors you've never considered. Please, don't take this as in insult and for sure, my suggestion here is not intended to indicate I have any answers. It's only a suggestion.

    I had a dear man of God share with me many years ago of being torn between pursuing a political career that had already been established when out of the blue, God called him to preach. It took many months until he finally fell prostrate to the ground.

    I'll be praying for you.
  5. agedman

    agedman Well-Known Member

    Nov 4, 2011
    Welcome back Wanderer. Don't be a stranger.

    I have experienced more than once when loved ones are beyond the help that a Dad can provide. We rely on the "experts," and when betrayed by those we trusted as guides there is a certain suspicion that falls and effects nearly every area of our living.

    However, there is one who says, "I will never leave you, nor forsake you."

    When the troubles are as overwhelming as you have related, and when you are on the valley floor with nothing but a long struggle up and on, then: breathe, praise, smile, and know the promises of God are not changed by human condition, effort, and circumstance.
  6. Wanderer

    Wanderer Member

    Jul 1, 2007
    Right now I am having issues with the idea of leaving in Alaska. My wife has always said she would never leave this state, and one of her friends told her "never say never", we are joking about that now. However, that does not change my feelings because I finally feel planted for once in my life. My education is going in a good direction that will support my family for the time being. Lots of job opportunities for my degree in the area, and the area is growing. The school system is "okay" - though my wife says it could be better.

    Nonetheless, I thought this is where my life was going to end one day. I love Alaska, even with all its faults like high crime and expenses. Still yet, here I am trying to grasp the idea of leaving Alaska, I feel planted and really want to stay, but at the same time it would be nice to move some place new.

    After all, I am Wanderer - my friend game me that name for a reason.

    @HAMel - thanks for the advice. God called me into service back in 2006 and met my wife at bible college in 2008. I have also attended one year at Liberty, but after seeking some advice from a friend / elder, I realized the season of life my family was in is not appropriate timing. My wife's health was bad during the time of attendance causing me to cut hours at work for a year. Then with the accident Liberty was costly and could not afford any more of my loan to go out than needed. We have been living off school loans and hopefully this will change in January since my wife is slowly recovering and has just a few more months of physical therapy.
  7. JPPT1974

    JPPT1974 Member

    Feb 18, 2005
    Praying for you Wanderer. And that God will lead you and your wife. Over to doing the right thing. He knows the way. Just have to be patient.