Not attending all services

[newlady3203]

When I got saved two years ago, I jumped in with both feet so to speak. I attended every service that the church was having and got myself involved in groups from the church outside the churche (i.e. singing gospel at retirement homes). My home started to take a beating. My laundry room almost cannot be found! LOL I lost my child in the dirt in the carpet. Just kidding. It's not that bad, but bad enough that I would feel comfortable having company at my house. So, I prayed about it. I received a sense of peace in not going to Wednesday night Bible studay and the Sunday evening service. I do attend the regular Sunday service and sometimes go to Sunday School as well. I am a working wife/mom and thus, have two jobs - one outside the home and one inside the home. The only time I have to get things done is on the weekend.

My sitter has told me that I am not setting a very good example of obedience to my 6-year old daughter because I am not going to church on Sunday night and Wednesday night.

I get home, boiling. I don't know how to approach her on this subject. I love her dearly. I know she is only looking out for my best interest. But, I don't have her benefit of being a stay-at-home wife/mom.

How should I approach this? Or should I just say nothing?

 

[Dr.Tim]

Hate to say it,, but I think you need to go to church. What you are saying is not a lie and all of us know how hard it is to be gone to church for all the services and still do things at home. But it's a relative situation and everyone has it different..different circumstances. You might me doing far more than the rest of us have to do and so it becomes reasonable that you cannot attend.
Is there anything else u do other than church? Sports, or something?????

tim

 

[Dr.Tim]

The important thing is you WANT to be there. I wouldnt let anyone pass judghment on me if i were in your shoes. Not an easy situation.

 

[newlady3203]

I also want you to understand that I do read and study my Bible at home. I have also found that my home life has become sweeter since I have given in to the burden of the condition of my home. You see, hubby is disabled and cannot do a lot around the house without becoming winded. Even just walking to the mailbox makes him have to use his inhaler. I would love to be a Keeper at Home and be able to take care of my home and child full time. But, because of my husband's disability that is not feasible.

I will be attending the Teen Revival as that is the week my step-son comes home from a Christian Academy we had to send him to to straighten him out. The preacher doing the revival is the very same who was responsible for getting my step-son to the altar!

Again, my problem is not the not attending part, but my friend. Am I really showing a bad example of obedience to my daughter? Will this cause her to be disobedient to her parents and God?

 

[USN2Pulpit]

Are you "available?" In other words, to you contribute to the work of the church in the community (other than Sunday/Wednesday services)? The mandate give to believers is not that we attend church every time the doors are open, but that we would be witnesses. Since the church normally heads up that effort, the question you ought to be asking yourself is "am I available - am I contributing to the spread of the gospel?" If you are satisfied with your answer, then as the good Dr. has said, don't let anyone pass judgement on you.

If not, it may be time to re-evaluate and make some changes as you feel the Spirit direct.

Many times, evening and midweek services are more "discipleship" oriented - equipping Christians to fulfill the Great Commission. If your church is doing it that way, it would be sad to miss it all - but you are the only one that can make that choice.

 

[Michael52]

Originally posted by newlady3203:
My sitter has told me that I am not setting a very good example of obedience to my 6-year old daughter because I am not going to church on Sunday night and Wednesday night.

Neither is it a good example to your daughter for her to see you "stress-out" over the well-intentioned advice of others.

Without knowing all the details of your situation, I don't think anyone here could give a definite yea or nay to your attendance record. Only you and God truly know the particulars of how you might properly balance all of your obligations.

I feel blessed that God has allowed me to structure my life so that I have the time and opportunity to go to church "evety time the doors are open." This hasn't always been the case in the past, both due to "outside" constraints (school, work, etc) and "inside" constraints (laziness, disorganization, etc).

Keep asking the Lord to help you figure out how to better balance your time and energies for your life and His work. That is the best example you can give to your daughter.

 

[Dr.Tim]

Good post and good points. As said above we don't know the depth or your problems and responsibilities and so we can't possibly give much advice above what we already have.

I would like to add a personal note... As minister for long time I have seen children of FAITHFUL parents grow up to hate church because the churches have expected too much and the children see their parents all worn and stressed as Michael said....this is not good. Be thoughtful of the impression your kids have of the church.


Tim

 

[Pastor_Bob]

Originally posted by newlady3203:
Am I really showing a bad example of obedience to my daughter? Will this cause her to be disobedient to her parents and God?

Your daughter needs to see that your relationship to God is your highest priority. That includes your faithfulness to God's house, your faithfulness to pray and read God's Word, and your diligence to live the Christian life in such a way that the Lord would be pleased.

If you are providentially hindered from attending, that is one thing, but just to choose to stay home for convenience sake is quite another. The virtuous woman in Proverbs 31 had full-time responsibilities as well, but she made the spiritual well-being of her family a very high priority in her life.

The preacher doing the revival is the very same who was responsible for getting my step-son to the altar!

What if he would have stayed home that night?

 

[James_Newman]

I have to agree with Pastor Bob. I also must say that I think it is best if at all possible for the wife not to work outside the home, partly for the very reason you stated. You have two jobs, and they are taking precedence in your life over God. I don't know your situation but I think the majority of couples who insist that they cannot get by on a single income are just unwilling to have less stuff. This also becomes an object lesson to our children, stuff is more important than church/God.

 

[Paul33]

Why don't you get your sister to come help you clean your house every weekend. Then you and she could go to church on Sunday night together!

 

[newlady3203]

I don't have a choice but to have to work. My husband is disabled and we only get $600 per month in disability for him. My job pays the bills and feeds the family.

 

[HappyG]

You should find a church that is smart enough to recognize that repeating the same thing three times a week isn't effective and certainly not mandatory.

There are many churches that have a Sunday Morning service and then small groups that meet in homes throughout the week.

It is the way to go and a great way to grow in your spiritual life. And no guilt! In fact, you will be supported and you will grow in ways you could never imagine.

You should join the party. It is amazingly fun.

 

[Scott J]

newlady, Like several others have said, I don't know all the details of your situation.

Is your husband severely disabled or could he help some at home? Could he even supervise your daughter in accomplishing some things? Is he a believer who takes his leadership role in the home serious?

If you don't want to answer about your husband then please don't and forgive me for prying. I ask these things about him because my in-laws have been in the same situation for about 20 years. He lost most of his lung capacity in a chemical fire so she has been been the primary bread winner for awhile. My questions are based on the successes and failures I have witnessed in their home.

I have three kids and know that 6 year olds can't do many things... but they have something then that should be nurtured but can easily be absent as they get older- a willingness and desire to help.

Yours sounds like an extremely tough situation.

If you truly can't make all the services, I would recommend choosing the services devoted to discipleship like suggested above. It might work better to go on Sunday and Wednesday night than Sunday morning.

Finally, Have you made these circumstances known to the pastor, deacons, or mature women in the church? Before allowing it to degenerate into a condemnation of you for "not being faithful" perhaps you should allow them the opportunity to fulfill their NT mandate to help you.

Most people don't like to ask for help but that's human pride. It would be a blessing to them and you if they were able to get your through this rough time.

 

[TC]

I would not let others guilt you into going every time the doors are open. I live with two physically disabled people and know the demands that can put on your time besides everything else. I would talk to the pastor if I were you. Perhaps he knows someone that can help you to get things done and free up some of your time. I know it is hard at times, but do not be afraid to ask for help.

 

[IfbReformer]

Originally posted by Pastor_Bob:
Your daughter needs to see that your relationship to God is your highest priority. That includes your faithfulness to God's house, your faithfulness to pray and read God's Word, and your diligence to live the Christian life in such a way that the Lord would be pleased.

If you are providentially hindered from attending, that is one thing, but just to choose to stay home for convenience sake is quite another. The virtuous woman in Proverbs 31 had full-time responsibilities as well, but she made the spiritual well-being of her family a very high priority in her life.

I think having two jobs and having a home full of work to do when you come home is being "providentially hindered".

My parents for years had to take turns going to church because my elderly grandparents living with them had to have one of them there at all times - they could not go on a vacation for years because of this as well.

newlady3203,

Contrary to what many will tell you in here, putting church services ahead of anything else is not equivalent to showing your "relationship to God is your highest priority".

I am not saying you should miss church just to sit home and eat twinkies and watch TV(as my Pastor said on Sunday). But as he said, for some people their jobs and responsibilites do not allow them to attend all services and God understands that.(We have are in the D.C. area, and have Goverment and Miltary at our church with weird schedules).

You also need time to relax, otherwise you will burn out and that easy to do with two jobs. Not many people have the responsibilties you shoulder with your husband being on disability and those who critizize you for missing some services are like the pharisises Christ described:

"Jesus replied, “And you experts in the law, woe to you, because you load people down with burdens they can hardly carry, and you yourselves will not lift one finger to help them."
Luke 11:46(NIV)

As far as your relationship goes, providing for and caring for you family is the first way, not the second or third way you put your faith in practice and it is primary to your relationship with God.

"4But if a widow has children or grandchildren, these should learn first of all to put their religion into practice by caring for their own family and so repaying their parents and grandparents, for this is pleasing to God. 5The widow who is really in need and left all alone puts her hope in God and continues night and day to pray and to ask God for help. 6But the widow who lives for pleasure is dead even while she lives. 7Give the people these instructions, too, so that no one may be open to blame. 8If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever."
1 Timothy 5:4-7(NIV)

God bless you and perhaps the Lord will provide a way to financially relieve you in the future so you can attend all the services, which I can clearly see is your hearts intent.

IFBReformer

 

[Paul33]

Amen.

I agree with Happy. Find a church that worships Sunday morning and has small groups during the week. You don't need to be made to feel guilty because someone else wants you to go to church Sunday night.

Or, if you like your church, go on Sunday morning and don't worry about what others think. God know your heart and your circumstances. When you go to church, worship Him!

 

[Pastor Larry]

I think Pastor Bob hit the nail on the head. We show our priorities by faithfulness at church. The pattern of our lives shows what is important to us. There are legitimate reasons not to go to church, but praying and "feeling peace" is not one of them. The general rule of thumb is that you should be with Christ's body if you can be. I wouldn't let anyone make you feel guilty. I would just do the right thing.

 

[TC]

We show our priorities by faithfulness at church. The pattern of our lives shows what is important to us.

I have seen people that have been in a church building everytime the doors were open that still did not have their priorities in order. It is more than just showing up. From the limited knowledge of the situation that we have, it seems that her priorities are in order.

 

[Pastor Larry]

I too have seen people in church every time that didn't have their priorities straight. I have never seen anyone willfully and consistently miss church who did have them straight.

The truth is that the pattern of our lives show what is important. When a dad sits around watching TV all night instead of being with the kids, we say his priorities are messed up. When he is out playing golf all day instead of being with the family, his priorities are messed up. We have no problem saying that. But somehow, when church is the "odd man out" we get all spiritual and pretend like it doesn't matter. I don't get that.

 

[TC]

She already said that she attends every Sunday morning - that sounds like pretty consistent attendance to me. She has expressed desire to go more but does not want to neglect her duties at home to do it. Perhaps the Lord will bring someone into her life to help her so that she has more free time to go. In the meantime, nobody should condemn her.