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Discussion in 'Pastoral Ministries' started by chuck2336, Apr 1, 2009.

  1. chuck2336

    chuck2336 Member

    Mar 8, 2007
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    Guys, I need some prayer please. Some of you may remember that a little over a year ago I left the church I was at. The whole experience was damaging to my family.

    Time has passed and there has been a great time of healing. I have filled in from time to time for pastors who were sick or churches in between pastors.

    My problem is this, when it comes to returning to the pastorate, I am, well for the lack of a better term, I am afraid. I am not afraid for me, I am afraid for my family. When things got ugly at my last church it caused a great deal of hurt for my wife and two kids. So much so that when they see some of the people that were the source of the problem they either get mad or cry.

    I am afraid to put them in a position where they feel insecure or that they are going to get hurt again. Their walk with the Lord is very important to me, I do not want anything to cause that walk to suffer again.


  2. Allan

    Allan Active Member

    Jul 26, 2006
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    Will God lead you where He will not provide?
    Provide does not necessarily always deal with material things but also for our well-being and spiritual growth. Does God care about your family? You bet!!

    But to put it more practically, can you keep you family from getting hurt? No.
    But you can help them to understand hurt in the light of God's grace and mercy so they to might grow even in those places where He has called but ground is still pretty dry and hard. Yet, the Lord knows both your and their hearts so just keep the faith. The faith that God cares and will provide all that is needed, as needed. God bless you mightly in grace and mercy.
  3. SaggyWoman

    SaggyWoman Active Member

    Dec 15, 2000
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    I feel your pain.

    If you are still called to that ministry, you might consider being an interim or filling in as a guest preacher when needed for a while....
  4. Jim1999

    Jim1999 <img src =/Jim1999.jpg>

    Aug 10, 2002
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    I hate to say this, but if you are afraid of what people will say about you or your family, the ministry is the last place on earth to be. As the test for ministry says, "If you can do anything else, do it."

    In any church there will always be someone who is critical and often hurtful, and the pastor and his/her family must learn to bear this hurt with the grace of God. Isn't this what we minister to as we preach each week?

    My wife is Anglican and a Baptist pastor's wife. You can only imagine the tales we heard over the many years of ministry. We survive, praise be to God.

    You have received good advice. Continue to minister where doors open and take your mind off a full time ministry. A door will open as God permits.

    Cheers, and bless,

  5. Major B

    Major B <img src=/6069.jpg>

    May 6, 2003
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    As a victim of the same sort of thing, a total of 4 times, I understand your family.

    This happens to many men of God, and most eventually leave the ministry, either because they have become unqualified (when their fed-up wife left them AND the ministry), or totally burned out. Some of them disguise their departure from pulpit ministry by taking a church staff, D.O.M., or state or national convention job, but most of us just float into a church that is welcoming, and retire without announcing the fact.

    Personally, I believe that until churches return to a Biblical pattern of leadership (shared leadership or eldership), instead of deacon rule or baptist popery, then most men will spend their ministerial career preaching in churches who do not deserve good preaching, and getting kicked from place to place.

    That is why I am "retired" from pulpit ministry, and why I turn down any request to even fill in at a church does not have a pastor. My wife is heart-broken after our last situation, and can tolerate no more.

    As far as "doing anything else," my heart is tortured by this situation--God has blessed me with a variety of ways to make a living, but there is only one thing I was put on Earth to do: preach the Gospel. I will never be happy with the current situation.
  6. Jkdbuck76

    Jkdbuck76 Well-Known Member
    Site Supporter

    Jan 8, 2007
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    It sounds like churches need instruction in this kind of a thing. I hate to hear how all this hurt has happened to you pastors.

    We are without a Pastor as many of you know. Per our bylaws, he gave 30 days notice. This was supposed to be a nice transition. This would give time for me and the rest of the leadership to ease into our new roles of pulpit filling. But THAT didn't happen! He resigned on a Sunday morning.

    Then one of the other deacons took it upon himself to call our Pastor and tell him to not bother coming back. The Pastor and his wife were so hurt, they didn't sleep that night. Then the next morning, the Pastor did the wrong thing and emailed a letter to EVERYBODY about what happened and how he and his wife were hurt. And in keeping with sacred baptist tradition, we split!

    Who is behind all this? Satan. Plain and simple. I'm afraid to put my wife and son on the firing line. I think God is calling me into some kind of ministry, but I'm really scared of what can happen to my wife and son. The kind of damage that could happen to them were I to become a Pastor cannot happen to them while I am a salesman. People smile at you one minute and slip the knife into your back the next.

    Chuck, you need prayer. And you need to remember that God WILL help you. If you are going to accept a pastorate, or let alone discuss it, you need to say up front "my wife and kids ARE OFF LIMITS!!!! You can stab me in the back all you want, but you are well advised to leave them out of it."

    I've rambled long enough. I'm going to log off and go pray for you.