Serious Guidance needed!

Nicole...oh,Nicole,my heart just goes out to you. I have no words of wisdom. Anything would sound like a cliche right now. All I can tell you is that my heart is hurting just reading about what you have gone through and are going through now. I pray that the Lord will wrap His arms around you and let you know in very specific ways that He's with you. I pray also that you'll be given some happiness and joy to alleviate all the awful stuff.

In the flesh, Nicole, I would kick that husband of yours from here into kingdom come!
I'm sorry, but that's just the way I feel.

I guess I can't say anything else except that, despite the fact that I've never met you, I DO CARE.

Much love,
Elizabeth

 

Nicole,
I can't fully understand, but I can pray. My grandfather is into some pornographic stuff. I found the magazines one day, and things have never been the same. I felt like he let me down. I had always been "his girl" but now I can't even go over to his house without wanting to cry. I don't know what to tell you except, you are in my prayers.
Grace

 

Nicole,
First it it ok to be hurt. There is nothing wrong with it. You may feel unforgining at the moment,but with God you can work it out.Forgiveness does not benefit the one being forgiven, but the one doing the forgiving. We choose to forgive, and ask God to help us do it. He(husband) may not deserve it, but you do. You say God has already gotten you through so much, and He won't fail you this time either. The way you are feeling right now is normal. By talking with your pastor you are not doing it just for him, but you too. You need to talk about the way you are feeling. With someone much wiser then I could ever be, no real wisdom here either I guess, just know that I really feel for your situation, and will pray for you. God has not given you up, and He won't either. He is walking right with you. Pray and lean on Him, you can cry all you want to Him, He is your Father and He cares about you, and everything you go through. Sometimes the only prayer we can pray is oh God,oh God,,, it doesn't matter if we can't find words, He knows whats in our heart.

May God bless you Nicole

 

Nicole,

I'm so sad for you right now. I've gone through this several times.

My husband had a "habit" of looking at pornography when we first started dating. We were living together and it continued. We weren't Christians then, by the way. He bought magazines, videotapes, and when I expressed my hurt he promised he'd stop, and I could destroy the magazine and tapes. He had an enormous stash of magazines at his mother's house that he burnt for me.

I thought it was over, but then I caught him again. He rented a tape, came home and "watched" it, fell asleep on the couch leaving it in the VCR, and I found it the next morning. I had no idea what it was. I thought it was a children's tape because I had a young daughter at the time. So I hit the play button and right there with my daughter watching, you can just imagine what disgusting things came on the tv. I took the tape and tried to break it, but those things are strong. Instead, I stuffed it in a cheesecake and threw it in the trash. He had to scrounge it out and return it to the video store caked with cheesecake. I was hurt.

This sort of thing happened several times. Then we got the internet, and it escalated. He would stay up all night looking at this garbage. Then we got saved and I thought for sure that it would end. And it DID get better, but on occasion it would still happen, and I would hurt worse than before.

As a Christian, he knows it's wrong, and I believe he hasn't done it in over a year. For the first time, he could see my hurt the last time he was caught. I was so mad at him that I painted his monitor screen black.

I don't really have any advice. Pray for your husband because this is a problem, but he also shouldn't get away with being the "victim".

Oh, and the last time it happened, I was so furious and hurt by my husband that I didn't speak to him for a week. I just couldn't. I could see how uncomfortable he was around me, and I actually felt sorry for him.

If you want to talk, let me know. I know how hurtful and devestating this is. How do you ever trust completely again? I don't know if it's possible.

Lucy

 

Nicole, my goodness,you have every right to feel "needy" right now! I don't know who has got you somehow believing you are deserving of this kind of grotesque abuse, but there is simply no excuse for it.

Am I the only one who thinks Nicole's husband needs his posterior kicked from here to Kalamazoo? The more I hear about him the madder I'm getting!

Nicole...you WILL be in my prayers...forgive me for getting a little hot under the collar on your behalf!

Elizabeth

 

Nicole,

As I am reading your post, I feel like I am reading about my own life and my own struggles and pain with my husband. On my birthday my husband was more into pornography to even slightly express any appreciation to me or so much as say happy birthday. I was very heavy at that point in my life and my husband was so deeply into pornography that he actually would not have intimacy with me and our relationship was reduced to him telling me how unattractive I was to him and fat and if I would only lose weight that he could find value in me.

Needless to say, I became a crushed woman, my confidence level was zero and on top of it all the more I went to church and talked to leaders of the church the worse our relationship got till one Wednesday night my husband drove me home from service and when we got out of the car he took off his wedding ring and threw it out in the yard. The devistation I felt was so overwhelming, and I felt helpless the only one I could turn to for ultimate strength was God and God alone.

You are not in wrong for being angry about this or hurt or anything of the such. Pornography is one of the biggest poisons to destroy families. My husband also stopped porn for a while and then got right back into it and deeper.

I would like to talk to you furthur on this situation, I've been there and to be honest with you I am still there, it hurts and its hard to fight. Please, please email me, I've gone thru this for a long time now, and I know we could be of help and encouragement to each other on this.

Father God,

I bring Nicole to you. Jesus you see thru Nicole to her heart and you feel the pain she is experiencing right now, I pray that you would heal wounds which have been caused from her husband's involvement with pornography. Father, open the line of communication between Nicole and her husband so he can see how much this hurts her and give Nicole grace thru this time in her life. God I pray that when Nicole's husband goes to look at these pictures and videos that you would cause those females to become so ugly to him and unsatisfying but that Nicole would be irresistible in his eyes alone. Jesus, I ask that you give Nicole a godly confidence in herself and that she would feel your love and your perfect peace in her life.

I ask all of these things in Jesus name...

AMEN

You are so much in my prayers Nicole. Stand strong girl...YOUR ARE A MIGHTY WOMAN OF GOD!!

Sue

 

Reading this thread was a real slap in the face for me...

I know this is going to sound all too odd coming from a 19 year old kid, but I actually know more about this subject then I would like to.

Sexual sin is one of the least talked about and hardest to deal with sins. I know this from first hand experience. In fact I'm dealing with it right now. For all the wonderful things the internet can do, there is a dark nasty side to it too that can entangle even the most well meaning Christians.

I am dealing with pornography myself. And believe me that was no easy thing to admit to you. I don't have a very serious problem with it, but any problem is serious in itself. My eyes now and then do wander to inappropriate pages. I know its wrong, but Satan tends to know our weakest areas. My best friend and myself are prayer partners and I just yesterday started to become accountible to my college teacher.

Ladies- I can give you know excuse for why we fall into the trap of pornography/lust or other sexual sins. It is temptation and we give in to it. It is not excusable. Period. Nor is it justifable.

I can though suggest an excellent book for both men and their wives founded on Gospel and scriptural truth for overcoming the problem. It is called "Every Man's Battle".

Getting this area in line is tough. Very tough. And it isn't as simple as seeing a pastor and promising to never do it again. It isn't as simple as a prayer. Those are necessary- but it also takes daily accountibility. It takes a "cold turkey" approach to beating it, and it takes the harshest most brutal means of extingushing it.

Nicole, be encouraged in the Lord and stand strong. You have every right to be extremely angry with your husband. He decided to exchange your wedding vows for trash from satan.

Until Next Post, Adam

[ October 11, 2001: Message edited by: Barnabas ]

 

Nicole,

When a there has been a breach in faith this serious, there is no other recourse at this time than separation until the sin can be overcome and love and trust restored through the power of Jesus' Spirit.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be...covetous...Therefore put away from among yourselves that wicked person. 1 Corinthians 5:11-13<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Your husband needs your intercession like he has never needed it before. He is in bondage. He is a slave to pornography. I can tell you in all honesty that it controls him quite against his will.

I am glad for the comforting words of the previous replies. You need that kind of empathy. Isn't it good to know that you are not alone?

Separate yourself and your children from this defiling situation. Get support. And begin a massive offensive against Satan through prayer and fasting.

I myself will begin praying and fasting not only for you, but for your husband and others who Satan has snared through lust.

 

I offer my prayers to you too Nicole, I'm so sorry you have to go thru this. I'm sorry I couldn't offer you more.

Your sister in Christ,
Kathy
&lt;&gt;&lt;

 

Nicole,

You're right. He can't justify his actions. He's a married man. It says, and I don't have a Bible in front of me, in Matthew I believe, that looking at another woman with lust in your eyes is committing adultery in your heart. That's one of the biggest reasons it was hurtful to me. I knew that whatever he was looking at, in his mind he was imagining being a part of physically, and it killed me.

I'm going to continue to pray for you. If you want to talk, email me. If my address isn't listed here, I'll give it to you if you want.

Lucy

 

Nicole,

Aaron is correct (has hell frozen over???) hehe I'm just joking with you Aaron.

Seriously though, your husband is under bondage and it is out of his will and control. When you begin to harm those around you and lie without a care then it is more than sin, its got a hold of you and that bondage needs broken.

I also very much agree with Aaron on the separation idea. When I was going thru it in the deepest part of on the brink of losing my marriage I made a radical choice and I left. I only left for about a week and a half but that is something I needed to do and in that time I counseled with leaders in my church.

Nicole, you need to make sure that you and your children are not being abused emotionally, spiritually or physically and if you are you need to get away from it, I'm not talking divorce after all I'm not for divorce in any way which is why I'm still with my husband, but you need to get out of the bad situation so you can get healing.

Sue

 

Nicole,

I too can sympathize, but I can't tell you what you must do. Only God knows what is best. What I can tell you is to stay in prayer and stay in God's Word and that I will be praying for you.

I wish I could offer you more, but I don't think it wise for me to offer advice that can effect your life so personally.

I lift you, your husband and your family up in my prayers. I truly feel for you and you have a right to feel the way you do. Keep talking and keep sharing, keep reaching out for the support you need. We are there even if all we can do is listen!

*hugs*

~Lorelei

 

Jesus, I cry out to you in intercession for Nicole, her husband and her children. God be EVERYTHING to Nicole right now as I pray it's 3 am eastern time I pray that you would be in her room while she sleeps tonight, give her intimate peace with you Father.

Jesus you know exactly what is going on with Nicole's husband, Father I pray that you would bring him to his knees, break him Jesus. He is in so much darkness right now and I ask that you pierce thru that darkness like a sword and let the light of your truth overwhelm him.

God, all I can think of to pray right now is Grace Grace Grace for Nicole, Jesus I know exactly how she's feeling right now, that feeling in the pit of her stomach but I also know that YOU JESUS can heal that and you can lift her up. Give Nicole a boldness to not let Satan rip her family apart any longer but to stand up to the enemy in Jesus name.....God I ask for protection for her children, that with all the confusion going on around them that they would not be fearful but you would surround them and give them a calmness.

Jesus I ask all these things in your holy name...amen

Nicole,

we really need to talk, I seriously feel as though I'm reading my life when I've read your last two posts and I know the pain, fear, and confusion and anger and tears. It's all too familiar to me, especially when it raised his fists to you.

PLEASE EMAIL ME

I'm sooooo praying for you. count on that, my heart is so overwhelmed for you right now I can't even describe what I feel right now.

I can say that I really believe you made the right choice to "lay the law down", after all you do have the responsibility of your self and your children so I say YOU GO GIRL.

Sue

 

Nicole;
I'll just say for right now that I WILL be praying for you, your health, your peace of mind, & your husband. But for him I'll be praying he has no peace, no comfort, no sleep till he repents of this & truly turns to Jesus.

 

It saddens me to see anyone go through such pain. However, the blame should not be placed upon Satan's. In doing so, you give Satan more power than he has. Your husband is the one making the decisions, the choices etc. Satan is not forcing his hand. He doesn't have to. Your husband wants to do it. Don't give Satan a victory in this. He may have your husband's ear, but he isn't the puppet master so many people make him out to be. I don't prescribe to the thought that people do things against their will. Our LORD and SAVIOUR Jesus Christ says:

For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders,
Thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lasciviousness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness:
All these evil things come from within, and defile the man.
Mark 7:21-23

Notice, it does not say "from Satan", or from "Satan's minions", but from "within".  Temptation and trials are not sin; sin begins with an inner decision. Apart from God's grace, we are liable to each one of these sins. There is something within man that delights in a ceremonial, purely external religion; it allows us to think of ourselves as holy, yet it requires no real change of heart. (Sound familiar?)

Even so ye also outwardly appear righteous unto men, but within ye are full of hypocrisy and iniquity.
Matthew 23:28

Nicole, I pray for you in all ways, your ailments and your most recent trial. I also pray for the true salvation of your husband.

They profess that they know God; but in works they deny him, being abominable, and disobedient, and unto every good work reprobate.
Titus 1:16

Dave