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Discussion in 'Jokes & Humor (Clean)' started by Servent, Jun 12, 2009.

  1. Servent

    Servent Member

    Nov 24, 2003
    Likes Received:
    Church Ladies Typos

    Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually
    appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

    Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary
    Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

    Announcement in a church bulletin for a national PRAYER & FASTING Conference:
    "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."

    The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight:
    "Searching for Jesus."

    Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the
    recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

    "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those
    things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."

    The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a

    Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.

    Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who doesn't
    care much about you.

    Don't let worry kill you off -- let the Church help.

    Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious
    pleasure to the congregation.

    For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery

    Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help
    they can get.

    Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions.
    She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's

    During the absence of our Pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing
    a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.

    The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing
    "Break Forth into Joy"!

    Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 4 in the church.
    So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

    A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music
    will follow.

    At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What isHell?"
    Come early and listen to our choir practice.

    Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several
    new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

    Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled.
    Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

    The Lutheran men's group will meet at 6 P.M. Steak, mashed potatoes, green
    beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.

    Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person
    you want remembered.

    Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.

    The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and
    gracious hostility.

    Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 P.M. - prayer and medication to follow.

    The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be
    seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

    This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from
    the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

    Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at All ladies are invited
    to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done. The pastor would
    appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their
    electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

    Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the
    back door.

    The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church
    basement Friday at 7 P! M. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

    Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please
    use large double door at the side entrance.

    Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.

    The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan
    last Sunday "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

    Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get Hig