Who gets the house?

I voted 'other'

I think it should be whoever is being "left." When my parents got divorced, my mom wanted it, my dad didn't. He got the house. It wasn't the judges decision however. It was between my parents.

Makes sense to me though. Why should someone say "I don't want to be married to you anymore, and oh, by the way, I want YOU to leave." If you want out so bad that you have to get a divorce, then you should go find some other place to live.

 

I voted the kids but that would mean the parent with custody.

 

My parents had joint custody. Part of that stipulation is that they had to live in the same school district (didn't matter which one, as long as they were both in the same one.) They worked it out where it was DAD: Mon, Tue, Alternate Weekends; Mom: Wed, Thur, Alternate Weekends.

It seems like a lot of work and hard to keep track of, but I don't think I would have wanted my mom and dad trading places every 10 days or whatever.

Additionally, my parents had a "good divorce" if there can be such a thing. I probably only heard 3 or 4 negative comments in 7 years about the other one. Imagine if it was a heated divorced where they couldn't stand each other. Then they have to share a house even if the other person isn't in there.

Also, think about when each parent starts bringing a "friend" home. That would be really messed up. Now you have a dad and his girlfriend and a mom and her boyfriend all sharing a house at different times.

From a kids perspective it might be nice to be able to go to the other parents house where there aren't reminders about mom's boyfried (or dad's girlfriend or whoever)

 

I agree with Diane. Whoever gets the kids keeps the house. It is hard enough on the kids just losing one of their parents without having to lose their home as well.

While the housesharing idea appeals on some levels, I personally know of situations where this would never work.

 

kids.

 

Mt brother and his wife were married for just over 2 years when he was served with papers (on Thanksgiving Day, no less).

My nephew was 16 months old at the time.

My ex-sister-in-law decided that she wanted to be back with her old boyfriend, so she told my brother to get out and she moved her old beau into their house.

In their divorce, my brother gave her everything on the promise that she would not contest their custody agreement, which says basically that my nephew will continue living in his home with his mother and my brother can see him pretty much anytime he wants.

It was fine for the first few months, but my brother started drinking heavily because he missed his family and wound up in jail.

Ever since then, his ex has been more stringent about when my brother can see his son and when he can take him, knowing that, with his record, he will not take her to court over custody.

Frankly, I think the woman should be out on the street, rather than in my brother's house, which my parents financed for them, with her now-fiancee (with whom she is pregnant, btw).

Cheating on your spouse and divorce is about the worse backstabbing thing a person can ever do in their life. I just can not stand people like that.

My answer was "other", but in the case of my brother, it would be "Dad and Son".

 

If there are no children, the one being left, if there are children the parent with custody.
But then what happens if that changes, and the other parent ever has custody?
Divorce is a nasty business, probably with no rel answers.

 

I would use the Solomon approach. Sell the house, and equally divide the assets. The one who afterwards offers so sell it to the other is likely the worthiest one to have it.

 

I'm alternating between Donna and Johnv approaches. Wiil have to think on it a little longer.

 

The kids shouldn't suffer because the parents are idiots.

(IF you don't know. I'm divorced. The story is posted several times on the board and I'll answer anything you want answered.)

My kids had been in a living nightmare for years. Their father had changed 100% from "Dad" to a total stranger. They were upset over that, upset over things that happened as a result of his illness (bankruptcy being just one of the things). They were horrified to find themselves in a broken home as we always taught them "Marriage is forever."

A lot of people told me, "Sell the house! You can't afford it!"

That sounds so simple, but "selling the house" and moving into anything else was not as easy as that sounds.

I had a wonderful fixed-rate mortagage that was lower than current rates. I couldn't possibly afford another house in a safe neighborhood. If I went to an apartment the kids had to give up their pets, the rooms they'd decorated themselves, the neighbors they viewed as family, and probably the schools they had been attending.

They'd already suffered enough.

So I vowed that as long as God showed me the way I was staying in their home for their sake.

It isn't easy. I could probably have a new car without worrying about bad brakes if I lived in a cheap apartment on the poor side of town, but that would be so selfish.

My kids needed, more than anything except God, security. Home was security.

As long as God keep providing mortgage payments, I'll keep paying mortgage payments. Not because I like messing with their pets or mowing lawns, but because my kids deserve some stability in life, and it isn't their faults the adults failed.

If I'd had the option the judge offered, I would have taken it.

One of the stipulations of my divorce that I put in was that the kids would never be forced into arrangements they didn't like. It was spelled out that there would be none of that "six months here," or "every other weekend there," unless the KIDS wanted it.

The reason for that was because we saw how it screwed up things for the kids of families we knew. I know one boy who never got to do the school trips because they always fell during his Dad's custody time and Dad lived too far away. Another kid cried and cried that they didn't want to have to leave home for the whole summer and every Christmas to go stay with their Mom and her new husband. They hated the new husband, and they felt like "visitors" not family.

I would never do that to a child, and our decree states that if we can't act like mature adults and work together on visitation then we, the parents, will do the house switching. I'll stay with relatives so Dad can have the house, he'll stay with relatives so I can, etc.

It hasn't (and I doubt it ever will) come to that. If he is on his meds, and not acting nuts, he is free to be in my home anytime he wants. If he wants the kids, and they kids want to go, they can. I don't guilt trip them, and I don't hassle them.

 

If that were true, there would be no kids.

Seriously though, kids unfortunately are beholden to their parents' mistakes all the time, and that's just when the parents are married. I can't tell you how many parents live "through" their children, either trying to giv their kids "all the things they didn't have growing up", or pushing kids to excel in areas that interest the parents, not the kids.

Now, TS, just so you know, we're on the same page here. I'm also a divorced parent (having recently gotten remarried). I see my children every other weekend, and I can tell you, that's not enough for me. During the in-between time, I always make sure my kids see me as often as they wish (I had lunch with my daughter yesterday, and this week, my son is staying at my house so I can take him to summer science camp). I've never missed a child support payment, and whenever the kids need something, I always reach for my wallet (albeit, sometimes it's empty). It's by no means a perfect situation. But I try to make sure the kids don't suffer. (They've already sufferred enough. BTW, the oldest just graduated frim HS, the middle is in HS, and they youngest is 9.)

When I was previously married, I wanted desparately to buy a house. But my then-wife was very bad with money, always spending more than I would allow in the budget. So we never managed to save any money for a down payment (at the time, the average 3bdrm house in SoCal was $150k). After being divorced a few years, I finally managed to scrape a few thousand dollars together for a down, but because of the escalating market, I was only able to buy a shoe-box sized 1 bedroom condo with a den for just over $100k (the den was the kids' room when the kids were over, and my office when they were not). Just recently, I sold it and purchased a 2 bedroom townhome for (drum roll please) $355k. But because me previous place had more than doubled in value, I was able to come up a sizeable down payment this time. Retrospectively, I realize that it was all the Lord's doing. My ex-wife is still bad with money, and, had I purchased a home with her together, it likely would have either been forclosed upon, or it would have to have been sold to pay off debts.

The best thing is that I live near my kids, so they have easy access to me (a huge priority for me). Also, if there's a weekend, that is technically mine, and the kids want to go on a school trip or something similar, I always let them.

The most rewarding thing is this: Whenever my wife tries to pull rank, I always am generous and accommodating. It totally drives her crazy. She is the kind of person who thrives on combat. Sometimes I get off the phone and churckle, because by me giving her what she wants, she doesn't get what she wanted.

 

My mom and dad always said that whoever filed for divorce HAD to take the kids. They are together to this day!