Featured Difficult advice?

JamesL · Jun 25, 2014

Thousand Hills said: ↑

As others have said, I commend you for working with this young man and pointing him to Christ.:thumbsup:

Just some thoughts- With option #2 it would look like the distance would hopefully "motivate" him to get some work, and get back to the gf and his youngin. Is there a partner church in this other town where you could reach out to the Baptist Men's ministry (Brotherhood), etc. where someone could take him under their wing while he is there?
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I've thought about this. The distance seems to suck all the motivation out of him. Some could see it as an excuse to be lazy, but I've seen how he tries when someone is actively involved in trying to help him. I don't really know much about the churches near his aunt's house.

thisnumbersdisconnected said: ↑

As to the OP, James...

... his aunt doesn't perhaps live out this direction, does she? I ask because we're about 35 minutes apart, so perhaps by the grace of God he's out here? If so, we can "double team" him, so to speak. Let me know.
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That would be awesome if he was out your way, but he's over in Raytown. The only church I know of is FBC Raytown, but I don't know anybody there. I'm sure you know they've got plenty of resources, but do they really have someone there who would get personally engaged? I dunno.

ShagNappy said: ↑

:thumbsup:

Do you have a couch or spare bedroom?
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I don't have a spare bedroom. My son and I live in a very tiny house, about 500 square feet. Got 4 rooms total. The couch really is something I hadn't thought of, and a good idea. I live about 5 blocks from his girlfriend.

That's why I posed the question, because I know that sometimes the obvious can stare us right in the face and we don't see it.

gb93433 · Jun 25, 2014

I have seen men who will not work and get to know people in the church. When they do they start pleading their case with the people and they will give to them. Those who will not work will take advantage of that situation. The first time that happened in a church I was pastoring is when we referred these people to a group in the church who would genuinely help them and not just give money away needlessly.

Paul wrote that those who will not work are not to eat. I know an older man who at one time was a bum and when people would not feed him he started eating road kill and that is when he came back to God. That is when his life turned around. He had left the church and the people but when he was tired and hungry he came back and has been living for Jesus ever since. For several years now he is a deacon in his church.

Jkdbuck76 · Jun 25, 2014

JamesL said: ↑

I don't have a spare bedroom. My son and I live in a very tiny house, about 500 square feet. Got 4 rooms total. The couch really is something I hadn't thought of, and a good idea. I live about 5 blocks from his girlfriend.

That's why I posed the question, because I know that sometimes the obvious can stare us right in the face and we don't see it.
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Is your son a minor? Or a grown man? Also, you'd better know how long he can stay there until your home becomes his legal residence and you CAN'T kick him out if things go bad (my wife's cousin in Ohio found this out the hard way).

If your son is a minor, you'd better make darn sure that YOU influence his life and not this guy who has a baby he won't support since he's not all that workyfied. Be careful who you let into your life...they could mess it up.

corndogggy · Jun 26, 2014

JamesL said: ↑

So it appears there are two options:

1) stay at his girlfriend's house and try to get a job (which they are ok with), be with his "family", come to church regularly, try to work toward marrying the girl - but knowing that he will be sleeping with his girlfriend while he's there (see 1Cor 6:13)

2) stay at his aunt's house, rarely see his daughter, fumble around without any direction, not supporting his "family" financially - being regarded as worse than an unbeliever (see 1Tim 5:8)

Is there an option I'm not seeing?
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I think you guys can't see the forest for the trees. You need to figure out what the hold up is on marrying the girl. Regardless of religious reasons, if they get married, there is more federal help that they would be eligible for. For low income people it is pretty dumb not to get married. College for instance... you are instantly eligible for a ton of grants, but otherwise you have to use your parent's incomes and are only eligible for loans. It makes no sense not to get married considering their position. Have you shared any of this with him? I'm guessing you have only been harping on the religious aspect. If they're going to live together anyway, what's the hold up?

thisnumbersdisconnected · Jun 26, 2014

JamesL said: ↑

That would be awesome if he was out your way, but he's over in Raytown. The only church I know of is FBC Raytown, but I don't know anybody there. I'm sure you know they've got plenty of resources, but do they really have someone there who would get personally engaged? I dunno.
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As it happens, I know a few people at FBC Raytown. I'm going to PM you and give you my email. Maybe I can get them involved with discipling him.

Aaron · Jun 26, 2014

JamesL said: ↑

I am involved in trying to advise a young man, and find it to be a fairly difficult scenario. Let me explain.

This young man is 20 years old, had been living with his girlfriend (at her parents' house), who he has a baby with.

He has no job, no car, no high school diploma, etc, and no one he knows wants to support a freeloading 20 year old

In short, his girlfriend's family has told him to either bring in a little money or hit the road. His mom told him the same, as did his dad.

On Easter he came to our church, without girlfriend or baby, saying he had a great desire to know how to be saved. He was in tears - not because of anguish over sin or fear of hell, or desire to have eternal security, etc, but in tears because things weren't going well.

So I shared with him that in order to be saved, he has to realize what he needs to be saved from. I explained sin and the eternal consequences of it, and the saving work of Christ on the cross, and that salvation is to the one who hopes in Christ for eternal life. He seemed to believe the gospel that day. I also told him that Christ is not a "this world only" Savior, in the sense that all his problems aren't going to go away just because he becomes a Christian.

Since then he has moved to his aunt's house, which is about 35 minutes away. He has no ride to see his baby, which he desires greatly to do.

I have been trying to help him by picking him up about every other weekend bringing him to his girlfriend's house to stay the weekend, then taking him back to his mom's house.

So here's the conundrum. When he's at his girlfriend's house, he comes to church faithfully, I am able to take him to fill out job applications sometimes. Also, we are near a bus line, so I can give him a few dollars for bus fare. But, regardless of instruction to abstain from sleeping with his girlfriend, they do anyway.

On the other hand, when he stays at his aunt's house, he has no Christian influence. I talk to him on the phone periodically, but he really just does whatever feels good. Not drugs or drinking, but just generally living for what makes him happy at the moment. He does not have the self motivation to beat the pavement to find a job, and has no direct, healthy, personal influence.

So it appears there are two options:

1) stay at his girlfriend's house and try to get a job (which they are ok with), be with his "family", come to church regularly, try to work toward marrying the girl - but knowing that he will be sleeping with his girlfriend while he's there (see 1Cor 6:13)

2) stay at his aunt's house, rarely see his daughter, fumble around without any direction, not supporting his "family" financially - being regarded as worse than an unbeliever (see 1Tim 5:8)

Is there an option I'm not seeing?
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He should stay at his aunt's house, and more fervent prayers should be offered on his behalf.

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