Featured ..........

I enjoy these Southern jokes (and I was born and raised in the South). Here is another police story.

A police officer pulls over a driver who is weaving all over the road.

PO- Sir, were you aware you were weaving all over the road?

Driver- No sir, I didn't know that.

PO- Could I ask you where you are coming from?

Driver- Well, me and the Mrs. just came from Joe's tavern. But we only had one beer each.

PO- Is that so? Were you aware that your wife fell out of your car about six blocks back?

Driver- Man, I'm glad to hear that!

PO- What? What do you mean you are glad to hear that?

Driver- Well, for a few moments there, I thought I had gone completely deaf!

 

Winman, I'm rolling on the floor, doing you-know-what.

Great story!

 

Thanks, maybe you will like this one.

A chauffeur picks up the Pope at the airport.

C- Your holiness, I will be your driver today.

P- Son, let me ask you a favor, do you mind if I drive?

C- I couldn't do that your Holiness, I could get in all sorts of trouble.

P- Please, I love to drive, but for twenty years no one lets me drive a car. I assure you there will be no trouble, I am the Pope.

C- Well, I guess so.

The chauffeur climbs in the back seat and the Pope gets behind the wheel. He tears out of the airport and is going 90 MPH on the highway, having the time of his life. A state trooper pulls him over and approaches the car. He looks in and says, "I'll be right back" and returns to his car.

T- Captain, this is Smith, we've got a big problem here.

Cap- What's the problem?

T- Well, I pulled over this speeder, and he looks mighty important.

Cap- Who is it, the Mayor?

T- No, much bigger than that.

Cap- Is it the Governor?

T- Bigger! Much bigger!

Cap- Who is it? Is it the President?

T- I really don't know who he is, but whoever he is, he's got the Pope driving for him!

 

Speaking of southern jokes, you all know Tom was born in Tennessee. (come to think of it, I was raised in Mississippi)

 

And IQ???? J/K

I lived in KY for 34 years, so the WVa educational system has no bearing on me....:tongue3:

Whoa there Brother, whoa!! You are the one who brought up Campbellite, and Campbellite soup must be the low sodium soups. So you must have a guilty conscience because you took your sodium out, since it was no good, and cast it out so that others could trample it into the ground, seeing that your sodium was longer longer good. Having a guilty conscience, and then placing the blame on others is quite shameful.

And FTR, we used to have Direct TV, but they upped our bill, and we went back to cable. I guess I'll have to go "incognito" from time-to-time.

 

That's fine, I have big shoulders and I can take it.

I would insult you, but I hear that former Floridians who migrate north, tend to not have enough sense to realize when they are being insulted. They tend to just smile and nod their heads in agreement. :laugh: :love2: :wavey:

 

You know what, I have absolutely nothing to say to you, but this post just got me into the 8000 Club. LOL!!

 

I get that idea from everyone of your 8,000 posts, but you say it anyways....:laugh: J/K

 

Have you been paying your monthly dues to the 700 club?

 

I have not been fair to our brother Convicted. He is a technological genius, and has been appointed by the West Virginia governor to head up the West Virginia space program (WVASA). They are now working on a new manned mission to launch in 2014. They are sending a man to sun, and they are going to launch at night so they don't get burnt.

 

So the two of you combined would be "Tennessippians" or is it "Missiteenippieens", or better yet, "Missthemarks"?....:thumbs:

 

Now that was low. No, I have shifted my tithes and offerings to the more Christ like Robert Tilton ministries.

 

SHHHHH!!!!


Those little green men might read this and try to highjack us.....keep it on the down low..........

 

Since I retired almost three years ago on a midnight shift after several decades, I find myself up many nights about this time. I have never since then gotten on a sleeping all night pattern. Funny you should mention it, more often than not, that I watch the SyFy channel at 2 am, talking about little green men. It is a cultural explosion, watching movies like "Sharktapus" and "Attack of the Giant Killer Tomatoes." LOL. So why are you up???

 

If I told you, I'd have to hunt you down and kill you. You still wanna know?


I am at work....shhhhh!! Don't tell anyone. This will be our secret, and no one else will know.

 

Well, you are smarter than you look in you avatar....I'd venture to guess you're a quick study.

Only a fool would launch while the sun is out....duh.....:tongue3: :laugh:

 

Excellent point Willis! :thumbs:

Trust me, when it's 10 degrees outside and a foot of snow on the ground, I wonder why I am here too!

 

This is the best thread I've ever read on the BB.

Many thanks to the stimulating OP! :laugh:

 

You all remember the last thread Amy started, titled "I Never Dreamed Barack Obama Would Be President When He Took Me To The Senior Prom."