If I were you I would call my pastor and ask if he might come over and discuss this issue with you and your wife.
Need some advice and prayers
Discussion in 'Baptist Theology & Bible Study' started by ashleysdad, Jan 3, 2012.
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12strings said: ↑Benjamin, when I wrote my advice about ignoring your comments, I had only read the following:Click to expand...
I then saw some of your one-line answers to Ann that tried to boil down all Calvinistic teaching to determinism and stopped reading your posts.Click to expand...
They did not seem very helpful or sensitive to this man's dilema.Click to expand...
Though I would not word it this way, this is actually excellent advice. I apologize for my blanket statement condemning your advice. I would not have written it had I seen this paragraph.Click to expand...
I was not advocating deceit of any kind, rather I was advocating care and gentleness and clarity in explaining what are difficult doctrines, especially since the OP said he was rather new to these ideas, and will want to be especially careful not to say inflamatory things about those who have a different view (something we should all be careful of). I was also trying to help him find ways to speak the truth of what he believes in a gentle and kind manner that does not tell his wife that it's His way or the highway.
Again, I apologize for my 8th point of advice. It was out of line. If you have any issues with the first 7 (other than disagreeing totally with them) I'd be glad to hear them.Click to expand...
Also one more issue...
The Bible says God chose me. It also says I must choose God. A calvinist accepts both of these truths.Click to expand...
Free will should be defined as volition and this sustains the meaning that a creature has the ability to consciously choose; one can not do both, have this ability and not have this ability in any logical sense. If creaturely response is determined by causal means to have an irresistible effect on the creature then creaturely volition logically becomes void. -
AshlysDad...
My wife is ardently opposed to this view and sees it as "unfair" and not right.Click to expand...
She is displaying good wisdom. Listen to her. -
I want to say thank you to those who have taken the time to post responses. My wife and I had a conversation today regarding this and we both agreed that, as Ann said there cannot be any "doctrine wars". We are focusing on what we both agree on. My problem is that when I learn something new I get excited and want others to see the same things. I get frustrated when they don't. The last thing that I want to do is come across as adamant about all this and come across as smug or self righteous. For now what I have decided is that unless my wife asks me direct questions I am not bringing the topic up. I am afraid that if I do it will seem that I am trying to manipulate things. My wife has agreed to keep an open mind regarding this and I have agreed to not let my enthusiasm make me obnoxious. Again thanks for the advice. Benjamin I thank you for the reminder to not sidestep anything but to deal honestly with everything.
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Benjamin...
Thanks for providing a perfect example of the rhetorical and meaningless type of argument I spoke of and warned him about of not doing with his wife while you tell him to ignore the advice I gave him to honestly focus on the truths in the matter including: the Nature of God, the genuineness of His offer to all, to be honest with himself about the conclusions to this doctrine he has been leaning toward, to speak the truth to his children, and to grow together with his wifeClick to expand...
What a sad place to be. -
Iconoclast Well-Known MemberSite Supporterashleysdad said: ↑I want to say thank you to those who have taken the time to post responses. My wife and I had a conversation today regarding this and we both agreed that, as Ann said there cannot be any "doctrine wars". We are focusing on what we both agree on. My problem is that when I learn something new I get excited and want others to see the same things. I get frustrated when they don't. The last thing that I want to do is come across as adamant about all this and come across as smug or self righteous. For now what I have decided is that unless my wife asks me direct questions I am not bringing the topic up. I am afraid that if I do it will seem that I am trying to manipulate things. My wife has agreed to keep an open mind regarding this and I have agreed to not let my enthusiasm make me obnoxious. Again thanks for the advice. Benjamin I thank you for the reminder to not sidestep anything but to deal honestly with everything.Click to expand...
You have a great opportunity to grow and study together as husband and wife....growing in the grace and knowledge of our Great Lord and Saviour, the Lord Jesus Christ.
There is no need to "shrink back" or hide , or conceal any divinely revealed truth. You can agree on many passages out right. Some need more careful study.....
You can just read the clear language of Jn 6, Jn 10, romans 8 eph 1
ezk 34 Jn 17......it speaks of God's great mercy to sinners In Christ
Paul and the other apostles spoke openly and plainly about these things and so can we.
keep studying and in time this will strtengthen your marraige and christian walk.....enjoy the process....find the best objections to the teaching and you will quickly see they are empty .....emotional and carnal...
Read Jn 17 ....over and over.......it is right there:thumbs:
Trust the Spirit of God to reveal His truth as he has promised to! -
Iconoclast Well-Known MemberSite SupporterAlive in Christ said: ↑AshlysDad...
My advice to you would be to heed what your wife is suggesting.
She is displaying good wisdom. Listen to her.Click to expand... -
Iconoclast Well-Known MemberSite Supportertherefore it still hinges on determinism and not the free will of the creature to choose.Click to expand...
It Hinges on....But God....
1And you hath he quickened, who were dead in trespasses and sins;
2Wherein in time past ye walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that now worketh in the children of disobedience:
3Among whom also we all had our conversation in times past in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind; and were by nature the children of wrath, even as others.
4But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great love wherewith he loved us,
5Even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with Christ, (by grace ye are saved;)
6And hath raised us up together, and made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus:Click to expand...
17and thanks to God, that ye were servants of the sin, and -- were obedient from the heart to the form of teaching to which ye were delivered up;
18and having been freed from the sin, ye became servants to the righteousnessClick to expand... -
Originally Posted by ashleysdad
"As the title says I am in need of alot of prayers and some advice. When I first came to the BB I was completely against Calvinism or DOG. I considered it heresy and denied it vehemently. In the time I have been here I have read the vast majority of the threads regarding the debate between C/A, and though I post little I do follow them intently. At first it was to try to learn different arguments against the Calvinist position, but about 6 months ago I started to see things in a different light. Now, though I admit there are many things I do not understand and I cannot always adequately explain what I think, I believe that the position commonly referred to as "Calvinism" to be the more correct view. Still studying and still praying but coming more and more to that conclusion. Here is my problem. My wife is ardently opposed to this view and sees it as "unfair" and not right. Which is exactly where I was before. Ther problem is that it is starting to cause some turmoil in my family. I have been able to avoid a direct confrontation until last night. One of my kids asked me a question concerning how God saves people and when I started to answer a small war broke out. This is not what I want in my family. At the same time I don't want to teach something that I no longer believe to be true. Again I freely admit that I am new to this and as a result still struggle with adequate explanations which probably escalated the problem. Any advice and especially prayers will be appreciated. Thanks"
Go to your place of prayer alone. Ask God to reveal what Calvinism really is. If you seek, He will answer. Read about the man John Calvin. Then turn back and believe the Gospel of Jesus Christ. -
ashleysdad said: ↑I want to say thank you to those who have taken the time to post responses. My wife and I had a conversation today regarding this and we both agreed that, as Ann said there cannot be any "doctrine wars". We are focusing on what we both agree on. My problem is that when I learn something new I get excited and want others to see the same things. I get frustrated when they don't. The last thing that I want to do is come across as adamant about all this and come across as smug or self righteous. For now what I have decided is that unless my wife asks me direct questions I am not bringing the topic up. I am afraid that if I do it will seem that I am trying to manipulate things. My wife has agreed to keep an open mind regarding this and I have agreed to not let my enthusiasm make me obnoxious. Again thanks for the advice. Benjamin I thank you for the reminder to not sidestep anything but to deal honestly with everything.Click to expand...
BTW, you and your wife need to be engaged in earnest God-face seeking prayer, and He will lead you in the right way, guarantee. -
Iconoclast said: ↑AIC.....isn't that what got Adam in trouble? following advise that was against God's word!Click to expand...
Eve was in error. This brothers wife is not. -
There is so much confusion here about what the doctrines of grace teach. I would encourage everyone to get the book Evangelism and the Sovereignty of God by J.I. Packer. It will clear up a lot of confusion about what so-called "Calvinism" is and what it is not.
I am praying for you to have wisdom as you work through this process with your wife, Ashelysdad. And again I strongly encourage you to get the book. -
Iconoclast Well-Known MemberSite Supporter
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Remember ,it has taken time for you to work through the scriptures for God to allow you to see what you see now. your wife has probably not had as much time to work through the scriptures...so be patient as we are told here;
23But foolish and unlearned questions avoid, knowing that they do gender strifes.
24And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient,
25In meekness instructing those that oppose themselves; if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth;
26And that they may recover themselves out of the snare of the devil, who are taken captive by him at his will.Click to expand...
11He answered and said unto them, Because it is given unto you to know the mysteries of the kingdom of heaven, but to them it is not given.
12For whosoever hath, to him shall be given, and he shall have more abundance: but whosoever hath not, from him shall be taken away even that he hath.
13Therefore speak I to them in parables: because they seeing see not; and hearing they hear not, neither do they understand.
14And in them is fulfilled the prophecy of Esaias, which saith, By hearing ye shall hear, and shall not understand; and seeing ye shall see, and shall not perceive:
15For this people's heart is waxed gross, and their ears are dull of hearing, and their eyes they have closed; lest at any time they should see with their eyes and hear with their ears, and should understand with their heart, and should be converted, and I should heal them.
16But blessed are your eyes, for they see: and your ears, for they hear.
17For verily I say unto you, That many prophets and righteous men have desired to see those things which ye see, and have not seen them; and to hear those things which ye hear, and have not heard them.
18Hear ye therefore the parable of the sower.Click to expand...A sower went out to sow his seed: and as he sowed, some fell by the way side; and it was trodden down, and the fowls of the air devoured it.Click to expand...10And he said, Unto you it is given to know the mysteries of the kingdom of God: but to others in parables; that seeing they might not see, and hearing they might not understand.
11Now the parable is this: The seed is the word of God.
12Those by the way side are they that hear; then cometh the devil, and taketh away the word out of their hearts, lest they should believe and be saved.
13They on the rock are they, which, when they hear, receive the word with joy; and these have no root, which for a while believe, and in time of temptation fall away.
14And that which fell among thorns are they, which, when they have heard, go forth, and are choked with cares and riches and pleasures of this life, and bring no fruit to perfection.
15But that on the good ground are they, which in an honest and good heart, having heard the word, keep it, and bring forth fruit with patience.Click to expand... -
plain_n_simple said: ↑Originally Posted by ashleysdad
"As the title says I am in need of alot of prayers and some advice. When I first came to the BB I was completely against Calvinism or DOG. I considered it heresy and denied it vehemently. In the time I have been here I have read the vast majority of the threads regarding the debate between C/A, and though I post little I do follow them intently. At first it was to try to learn different arguments against the Calvinist position, but about 6 months ago I started to see things in a different light. Now, though I admit there are many things I do not understand and I cannot always adequately explain what I think, I believe that the position commonly referred to as "Calvinism" to be the more correct view. Still studying and still praying but coming more and more to that conclusion. Here is my problem. My wife is ardently opposed to this view and sees it as "unfair" and not right. Which is exactly where I was before. Ther problem is that it is starting to cause some turmoil in my family. I have been able to avoid a direct confrontation until last night. One of my kids asked me a question concerning how God saves people and when I started to answer a small war broke out. This is not what I want in my family. At the same time I don't want to teach something that I no longer believe to be true. Again I freely admit that I am new to this and as a result still struggle with adequate explanations which probably escalated the problem. Any advice and especially prayers will be appreciated. Thanks"
Go to your place of prayer alone. Ask God to reveal what Calvinism really is. If you seek, He will answer. Read about the man John Calvin. Then turn back and believe the Gospel of Jesus Christ.Click to expand...
IF you take the time to examine what the Bible teaches as say per the Doctrines of grace/TULIP, would find that the major objections to them would NOT be based upon biblical grounds, but more in philosophical grounds, as it usually comes down to saying that God gets portrayed by Cals as being "unfair/creating robots/puppet master", basically, just not fair that God Elects to save some, and not All!
And we do not worship Calvin, nor see him as being the 13th Apostle!
Gifted teacher, but NOT infallible, that is why we have to use the Apostles that WERE infallible while recording their theologies from the Lord! -
There is no reason why you cannot be agreeable with the DoG and with the other thinking(s) as you continue to allow the Holy Spirit to bring you discernment and wisdom. You may be in "agreement of strength" in an argument or persuasion toward one over another, but continue in growth.
As your journey has just begun, it won't be complete for many years. Do not fear being flexible and tolerant. No matter what you determine to be more in line with Scriptures, as long as you hold firmly: That it is Christ alone that saves, That Christ is the ultimate authority, That Christ is the one who all must be answerable - to whom all will bow, That Christ came, is, and will come in the flesh, and, That under the leadership of the Holy Spirit you continue in wisdom and understanding, then application of labels will become less important in favor of actually being able to discern from what view a person is taking in visiting Scriptural principle(s).
That is as the Scriptures would have you do - sift everything spoken and done through the Scriptures holding on to what is in agreement as gold and trashing the rest.
There is sin in all camps.
There are those who are "puffed up" in all camps.
There are those who would break the love of Christ for the brethren and call for separation and exclusion in all camps.
There are those who would deny education, membership, or even continued employment over a label in all camps.
There are those who can get past all that, and will accept the frailty of the labels and embrace the truth of Scriptures and the love of the brethren in all camps.
I would give, along with what I stated, this warning.
Keep the focus upon these things in this order:
The personal, open, honest, and reliable relationship between you and God through the Lord Christ Jesus as growth/learning is acquired by the Word through Holy Spirit. Do not rely upon a label.
The personal, open, honest, and reliable relationship between you and the wife that God has given you, and the children will by example of those displayed characters see that what you teach and live is not filled with hypocrisy. Do not rely upon a ring.
Then as much as is in you, "love the brethren," but never let they and those either from outside or inside the assembly come between you and your wife. Do not rely upon title, level of scholarship, or group name. -
ashleysdad said: ↑I want to say thank you to those who have taken the time to post responses. My wife and I had a conversation today regarding this and we both agreed that, as Ann said there cannot be any "doctrine wars". We are focusing on what we both agree on. My problem is that when I learn something new I get excited and want others to see the same things. I get frustrated when they don't. The last thing that I want to do is come across as adamant about all this and come across as smug or self righteous. For now what I have decided is that unless my wife asks me direct questions I am not bringing the topic up. I am afraid that if I do it will seem that I am trying to manipulate things. My wife has agreed to keep an open mind regarding this and I have agreed to not let my enthusiasm make me obnoxious. Again thanks for the advice. Benjamin I thank you for the reminder to not sidestep anything but to deal honestly with everything.Click to expand...
I've not really talked to my wife about my stance on the issue, we are in a biblically sound SBC church with a Reformed pastor, and that is my greatest concern that she is hearing sound preaching. Of course I have a responsiblity as head of household to be the husband/man God has called me to be.
I have been wanting to discuss this issue with my brother and father, even share some Spurgeon I've read. I've decided though just to not discuss it unless they bring it up, as I'm a bit of a black sheep as it is being Baptist, when the rest of my family are members of another denomination. I'm just thankful that they truly know the Lord and walk humbly seeking to serve him. -
plain_n_simple said: ↑Go to your place of prayer alone. Ask God to reveal what Calvinism really is. If you seek, He will answer. Read about the man John Calvin. Then turn back and believe the Gospel of Jesus Christ.Click to expand...
http://www.baptistboard.com/showthread.php?t=75421 -
Just beware of false doctrines:
(Eph 4:14) That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive;
This is the message of the Gospel we are to preach:
(1Jn 1:5) This then is the message which we have heard of him, and declare unto you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all.
Yet, some attempt to preach the Gospel message, the Word, the Light that God put into the world is full of darkness and despair for those poor non-preselected creatures who must remain ignorant and not have the real ability to know the truth of God’s love and are without hope to ever receive the promise.
But Jesus/the Light/the Word delivers the promise of the “Good News” differently than those who would take joy and pride in broadcasting their perceived intellectualism through using dark systematic principles designed to explain to the seeker that they may not have been “pre-selected. (There have even been examples here on this board of some who would quickly be in the face of someone he were witnessing to if that person would scoff at his message and would in spite quickly turn the message into lie and proclaim to that person, that “scoffer” who would dare speak back to him, that they may not be one of the pre-selected few.) That person knows who he is. Beware of that those who would tell the lies of the devil and proclaim to others that they may have no ability to see the light, or even the ability to respond to the true and genuine promise God gave to all His creatures.
(Joh 12:32) And I, if I be lifted up from the earth, will draw all men unto me.
(1Ti 2:3) For this is good and acceptable in the sight of God our Saviour;
(1Ti 2:4) Who will have all men to be saved, and to come unto the knowledge of the truth.
(1Ti 2:5) For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus;
(1Ti 2:6) Who gave himself a ransom for all, to be testified in due time.
(2Pe 3:9) The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.
(Rev 22:17) And the Spirit and the bride say, Come. And let him that heareth say, Come. And let him that is athirst come. And whosoever will, let him take the water of life freely.
Don’t walk in the vanity of those who would get so wrapped up into a man-made doctrine that they can not see the truth of God’s loving Nature, His genuine promise being to all His creatures, and would think of themselves as having to be “specially” pre-selected and determined to believe rather than having the God given volition to receive faith because of love of the truth; those who say God’s light is full of darkness for others.
(Eph 4:17) This I say therefore, and testify in the Lord, that ye henceforth walk not as other Gentiles walk, in the vanity of their mind,
(Eph 4:18) Having the understanding darkened, being alienated from the life of God through the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their heart:
(Eph 4:27) Neither give place to the devil.
(Eph 4:28) Let him that stole steal no more: but rather let him labour, working with his hands the thing which is good, that he may have to give to him that needeth.
(Eph 4:29) Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.
(Eph 4:30) And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption.
Don’t buy into a theological system where you can plainly and truthfully see that many strive to twist the truth of God’s genuine loving promise to all His creatures into “something else” that is full of darkness. -
Benjamin said: ↑Just beware of false doctrines:
(Eph 4:14) That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive;
This is the message of the Gospel we are to preach:
(1Jn 1:5) This then is the message which we have heard of him, and declare unto you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all.
Yet, some attempt to preach the Gospel message, the Word, the Light that God put into the world is full of darkness and despair for those poor non-preselected creatures who must remain ignorant and not have the real ability to know the truth of God’s love and are without hope to ever receive the promise.
But Jesus/the Light/the Word delivers the promise of the “Good News” differently than those who would take joy and pride in broadcasting their perceived intellectualism through using dark systematic principles designed to explain to the seeker that they may not have been “pre-selected. (There have even been examples here on this board of some who would quickly be in the face of someone he were witnessing to if that person would scoff at his message and would in spite quickly turn the message into lie and proclaim to that person, that “scoffer” who would dare speak back to him, that they may not be one of the pre-selected few.) That person knows who he is. Beware of that those who would tell the lies of the devil and proclaim to others that they may have no ability to see the light, or even the ability to respond to the true and genuine promise God gave to all His creatures.
(Joh 12:32) And I, if I be lifted up from the earth, will draw all men unto me.
(1Ti 2:3) For this is good and acceptable in the sight of God our Saviour;
(1Ti 2:4) Who will have all men to be saved, and to come unto the knowledge of the truth.
(1Ti 2:5) For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus;
(1Ti 2:6) Who gave himself a ransom for all, to be testified in due time.
(2Pe 3:9) The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.
(Rev 22:17) And the Spirit and the bride say, Come. And let him that heareth say, Come. And let him that is athirst come. And whosoever will, let him take the water of life freely.
Don’t walk in the vanity of those who would get so wrapped up into a man-made doctrine that they can not see the truth of God’s loving Nature, His genuine promise being to all His creatures, and would think of themselves as having to be “specially” pre-selected and determined to believe rather than having the God given volition to receive faith because of love of the truth; those who say God’s light is full of darkness for others.
(Eph 4:17) This I say therefore, and testify in the Lord, that ye henceforth walk not as other Gentiles walk, in the vanity of their mind,
(Eph 4:18) Having the understanding darkened, being alienated from the life of God through the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their heart:
(Eph 4:27) Neither give place to the devil.
(Eph 4:28) Let him that stole steal no more: but rather let him labour, working with his hands the thing which is good, that he may have to give to him that needeth.
(Eph 4:29) Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.
(Eph 4:30) And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption.
Don’t buy into a theological system where you can plainly and truthfully see that many strive to twist the truth of God’s genuine loving promise to all His creatures into “something else” that is full of darkness.Click to expand...
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