There's nothing to debate. You said every sexual offender was a repeat offender. The facts don't show that.
What Would You Do? (Sensitive/Not family-friendly)
Discussion in 'Pastoral Ministries' started by Batt4Christ, Feb 7, 2012.
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Batt4Christ MemberSite Supporter
The portion I quoted above caused me to go back to the OP and sure enough, I left out an important step in the events... I spoke with the man in question and he asked to speak to the deacons - this is what initiated me calling the deacons together so that I could allow them some "heads-up".
That being said, maybe I just should have honored the man's request, calling them together and allowing him to open that can in that context.
What i do know is that he has semi returned to his previous church (where his brother still pastors). When I say "semi", I mean that they have been back inconsistently. Apparently, he has told some there a far different story than what was told to me and our deacons, and showed a lack of remorse towards his crime in that setting as well, so its not surprising that he and his family haven't been consistent there.
A question that absolutely must be asked - A "born-again" Christian man, who offends, particularly in what he did - then years later, when the crime comes to light to people that trusted him and showed him nothing but love and friendship, he fails to portray andy remorse for the actual crime - only regrets about the price HE paid for the crime... does that not leave grounds for concern?
I still find myself from time-to-time remembering some of my less-savory exploits that came many years before I trusted Christ - and I still feel remorse for how I hurt others (thought these were not crimes - just poor treatment of some people in my life) and have actually spoken to many that I could contact to specifically ask for forgiveness.
Could this have all been handled better - maybe so. But I have never before been in a position anything like it. I prayed a great deal over this and chose the closest thing I could to biblical principals (at least as I could see at the time). Go to the brother who has offended you (his offense to me? failure to disclose so that it could be addressed in the proper context - a way that might not have even resulted in a breaking of fellowship... but that is all speculation when after the fact). The brother gets defensive and wanted to speak to the deacons (this man was the son of a preacher/missionary and holds a high view of deacons). I "pre-meet" (is that a real word?) in an effort to keep them from being blindsided - possibly one of my biggest mistakes, then allow him to speak his mind. His answers caused more concern that any of us had prior to this meeting. Subsequent conversation with this brother resulted in some pretty wild answers and redirection of blame back towards his ex wife and the victim.
At that point, what other choice was there? -
Next why should he have to disclose his past sins? If that is expected then every member needs to disclose their past. All murderers, fornicators, adulterers, did you keep your wife pure before marriage, thieves and on and on. Keep in mind that someone who has done adultery in the past could do it in the fuyure and steal the preachers wife or the preacher. By the way make sure they give all the past details.
You mentioned that he is actually doing things to keep any suspicion off him. That is good as it shows that he understands the concern and does not want to cause any unnecessary unrest. I noticed you called him a pedophile/sex offender . Are you suggesting he is till engaged in this sin? If not then do you and the deacons refer to all your members by their past sins? Why not? What label do you and the deacons place on yourselves?
All that to say this. I think the church, including the Pastor and deacons, are probably way too immature for past repentant sinners, for this man to remain. In other words unless this church is newly formed in the last 10 years or so that church is in a sad state. Keep in mind that incest is not new and churches have had these people “such were some of you” in them from the beginning not to mention those who continue to judge them because of their past. Instead of harming his faith because of the churches immaturity and telling him to leave I would suggest that the deacons and pastor get together in private with no one knowing, not even their wives, and ask the Lord to sway this man to attend another larger more mature church, where he can keep his past quiet like most of the rest of the people do who attend or to grow this immature people of this church into a mature one so they can receive people who have sinned in the past. -
Character flaws are not resolved by geographical changes. Some consider that "prison" will change a person's character - rarely.
Personally my desire to protect the innocence of naturally trusting children would oblige (had the person stayed in the assembly) for an explanatory letter (including some redacted documentations) and followup question answer session with the congregation to be scheduled. Depending on the general goals and attitudinal reaction to the letter by the assembly, it may not have been inappropriate to invite the victims in hope of at least a groundwork for reconciliation/forgiveness and conditional healing could take place.
Doubtful any of that would work, though.
The chances are the person would bolt and run if they knew in their core that being "exposed" would show them a fraud. However, if truly humble and repentant, they would face any critical examination and desire all to be edified to God's glory. The person's character would display their own heart. -
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Ooops.
Sorry. I didnt know I was on the forum for pastors.
I deleted my response.
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