pastors wives

[donnA]

I thought of posting this in the pastors forum,, but since I'm not a pastor thought better of it. If some mod thinks it should be there go ahead and move it, you post it there, not me.

But, what should the roll of a pastor's wife be in a church?

What is or should be expected of her?

What should be her limits, or off limits to her? (you decided which you want to address)

Should she serve, sit on the sidelines, attend regularly, be a part of a sunday school class, teach, what? (again, you decied what to address here)

Hope to hear froma few pastors, to see whats done in their church, or what their expectations are, and how their wife fares.

 

[Thinkingstuff]

I thought of posting this in the pastors forum,, but since I'm not a pastor thought better of it. If some mod thinks it should be there go ahead and move it, you post it there, not me.

But, what should the roll of a pastor's wife be in a church?

What is or should be expected of her?

What should be her limits, or off limits to her? (you decided which you want to address)

Should she serve, sit on the sidelines, attend regularly, be a part of a sunday school class, teach, what? (again, you decied what to address here)

Hope to hear froma few pastors, to see whats done in their church, or what their expectations are, and how their wife fares.

My experience has shown me that Pastors wives are to be seen not heard. Now whether or not thats how its supposed to work is a different thing. Its the application that I've seen.

 

[tinytim]

My wife does as the Spirit gifts her..

I made it clear at the Pastoral interview, they were not calling her, they were calling me.

Because of my wife's (ooops almost typed wives!!! That would have been atrocious, LOL) Anyway, because of my wife's physical capabilities, and disabilities, she can't do a lot of what other pastor's wives can. She sings in the Choir, but has to sit to sing...

She refuses to teach because the Spirit hasn't gifted her this way.

The way I see it, a Pastor's wife is gifted and talented each in their own way.

They should be treated like any other member.

 

[annsni]

I thought of posting this in the pastors forum,, but since I'm not a pastor thought better of it. If some mod thinks it should be there go ahead and move it, you post it there, not me.

But, what should the roll of a pastor's wife be in a church?

What is or should be expected of her?

What should be her limits, or off limits to her? (you decided which you want to address)

Should she serve, sit on the sidelines, attend regularly, be a part of a sunday school class, teach, what? (again, you decied what to address here)

Hope to hear froma few pastors, to see whats done in their church, or what their expectations are, and how their wife fares.

I'm in a situation as a pastor's wife that is different than many pastor's wives although certainly not all. We have 9 pastors who are all married so their own ministry is spread out as is the ministries of the wives. So what I experience is very different than an only pastor's wife, however I have many friends who are the only pastor's wife so I do see what happens.

First off, a woman - ANY woman's - primary responsibility is to be a helper to her husband. It is not to a congregation, to a ladies' group, the nursery or the choir. It's to her husband. Her second responsibility is her children. NOTHING in the church should replace the children or set them to a priority after the church.

So with that in place, a pastor's wife should be just like any other congregant - faithfully attending the church each Sunday she can be there, use her gifts in the ministries the church has and support the fellow congregants in prayer, word and deed. She should not do those ministries that she is not good at, she should not run everything that there is in the church, she should not do something because "Well, the former pastor's wife always did that so it's your job."

 

[annsni]

My experience has shown me that Pastors wives are to be seen not heard. Now whether or not thats how its supposed to work is a different thing. Its the application that I've seen.

Oh, give me a break. And that fits very well with Scripture, huh? Try Titus 2 to see what a woman is truly to do. Read 1 Timothy 3 to find out more.

Don't go by your assumptions. Go by God's Word.

 

[Thinkingstuff]

Oh, give me a break. And that fits very well with Scripture, huh? Try Titus 2 to see what a woman is truly to do. Read 1 Timothy 3 to find out more.

Don't go by your assumptions. Go by God's Word.

See you didn't read the post. Comprehension is lacking here. Let me break it down.

My experience has shown me that Pastors wives are to be seen not heard. Now whether or not thats how its supposed to work is a different thing. Its the application that I've seen.

The bolded area makes clear that this statement is one discussing experience not scripture. In other words, of the churches I have atteneded this is what I witnessed. Which excludes what underling principles may have been at work but that there was an impression given that I picked up on.

My experience has shown me that Pastors wives are to be seen not heard. Now whether or not thats how its supposed to work is a different thing. Its the application that I've seen.

The bolded part here shows what impression was given. That the Pastors wifes were not involved so much as seen. So I was given an impression by these churches that I've attended that this is the principle. Yet it is clear that the principle derived at is based on an impression not a principle in fact.

My experience has shown me that Pastors wives are to be seen not heard. Now whether or not thats how its supposed to work is a different thing. Its the application that I've seen.

The bolded part here indicates that the impression I recieved may not be what is in operation or how a principle is to be enacted. In other words, it may not be right. Yet the last part of my statement is

My experience has shown me that Pastors wives are to be seen not heard. Now whether or not thats how its supposed to work is a different thing. Its the application that I've seen.

what ever principle is supposed to be applied in reality the application of that principle has left the impression of seen and not heard. So, oh brother yourself.

 

[donnA]

What about a pastors wife who does nothing in the church, doesn't excerise any gift, never serves, doesn't attend every week, when they do attend it is only Su. am (not saying they are required to attend everytime the door is open, but they just don't bother except Su. am and not every week), nothing.
Not suggesting she has any control in the church, or anything like that, or that she should be running around doing everything, You known I am sometimes not clear relating to you my thoughts, until I see your responses and see where I need to clear stuff up.

 

[preachinjesus]

But, what should the roll of a pastor's wife be in a church?

Whatever she determines it to be imho. She should, certainly, be supportive and a maturing Christian...but that goes for everyone.

What is or should be expected of her?

Fidelity to her husband, caring for her children, and loving Jesus more and more each day.

What should be her limits, or off limits to her? (you decided which you want to address)

Yes there should be limits. When the church I currently serve hired me I made no bones about it, this wasn't a two for one special. My wife has her own identity, her own career, and her own purpose in life. She serves in my ministry and just by her presence is supportive. Yet she doesn't do counseling (other than for her close friends) nor leads Bible studies. She is her own woman.

Should she serve, sit on the sidelines, attend regularly, be a part of a sunday school class, teach, what? (again, you decied what to address here)

Mrs. PJ serves well in the areas she is gifted. She doesn't believe teaching adults (women, men, groups, etc) is in her gifting so she doesn't do that. She enjoys being around and getting to know people. One thing that she does very well is that she has a great grasp on perceiving situations that are under the surface. She is also great at giving me input and feedback on teaching and how the church ministry is going.

My grandmother was a Pastor's wife (my grandfather was a Pastor of several churches) and had to learn to create barriers and margin in her life. Too often people would try to press in too deep and sometimes would hurt her (intentionally and unintentionally) when the Pastor wasn't giving them their way. One of the great things Mrs PJ has done is creating specific barriers up front and being able to know how to accomodate appropriate requests and turn down potentially hazardous ones.

I highly recommend letting one's wife determine her place in your overall ministry and then letting her set the tone for her involvement as she is led.

Should be a great thread :thumbs:

 

[donnA]

Nice reply preachinhjesus. So far the pastors who've replied sound like their churches have good pastor's wives.
What of a pastor's wife not interested in finding where she fits in to serve at all.

 

[donnA]

Yes I am thinking of someone specific.
She greatly enjoys cornering other women and yelling at them, accusing them, putting them down, being outright hateful, in the halls, a full fellowship hall, even in the sanctuary after service when it's still full of people.

 

[abcgrad94]

But, what should the roll of a pastor's wife be in a church?

What is or should be expected of her?

What should be her limits, or off limits to her? (you decided which you want to address)

Should she serve, sit on the sidelines, attend regularly, be a part of a sunday school class, teach, what? (again, you decied what to address here)

The pastor's wife should not be expected to do anything but be herself. She is a church member like anyone else, no matter what expectations the church folks have of her. Believe me--there are many!

We asked the same question you posted when my dh was candidating. How the churches answered that question gave us much insight into their character.

I am a wife and mother and Christian, and those roles determine who I am and what I do. My husband's occupation does not decide that for me.

 

[Thinkingstuff]

Nice reply preachinhjesus. So far the pastors who've replied sound like their churches have good pastor's wives.
What of a pastor's wife not interested in finding where she fits in to serve at all.

This is what I'm alluding to. I've seen this more often than not. Personally I believe that women should teach women and that the Pastor's wife should be at the Head of that but often I find that there is a reluctance to do this.

 

[abcgrad94]

Yes I am thinking of someone specific.
She greatly enjoys cornering other women and yelling at them, accusing them, putting them down, being outright hateful, in the halls, a full fellowship hall, even in the sanctuary after service when it's still full of people.

Donna, we experienced this once when my dh was a youth pastor. If your pastor's wife is like this, Matthew 18 applies to the situation. A man has no business being a pastor if his home is out of order.

 

[preachinjesus]

Personally I believe that women should teach women and that the Pastor's wife should be at the Head of that but often I find that there is a reluctance to do this.

I'm not throwing stones. I'm curious what is the Scriptural justification for this belief?

I respectfully disagre with this sentiment. For one thing we have a Minister to Women on our staff. She is the director of that area an what goes on concerning women in our church.

When I was ordained my wife wasn't. She holds no office in Scripture. Frankly, pastor's wives are no different than every other Christian (unless they co-pastor or have a leadership designation.)

I am open to hearing your justification for this belief. I'd love to hear your perspective. :thumbs:

 

[Revmitchell]

My wife assists me in the ministry. My calling is her calling and we have the exact same calling and purpose. Her role in that calling is to support my purpose. When I need to her to counsel with me or alone she is there,when I need her to fill in a vacant spot in the church she is there. Her primary role is the home and our children. We are not hired by any church but are simply called by God to any particular church ( Acts 20:28). We are not there at the churches pleasure but at God's will and call.

 

[thegospelgeek]

The role of the pastor's wife should be exactly what scripture says it is. Which is ....?

 

[Thinkingstuff]

I'm not throwing stones. I'm curious what is the Scriptural justification for this belief?

I respectfully disagre with this sentiment. For one thing we have a Minister to Women on our staff. She is the director of that area an what goes on concerning women in our church.

When I was ordained my wife wasn't. She holds no office in Scripture. Frankly, pastor's wives are no different than every other Christian (unless they co-pastor or have a leadership designation.)

I am open to hearing your justification for this belief. I'd love to hear your perspective. :thumbs:

I don't mind. We can disagree. I'm cordial about. Primarily because I'm not a pastor and it doesn't directly affect me however here is how I view the Pastorate with regard to the pastors wife.

The wife as all the responsibilities that are applicable to all christian women. She and her husband are one. The Pastor is appointed leader over the Church body therefore must adhere to this admonition directed at him.

2Now the overseer must be above reproach, the husband of but one wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, 3not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. 4He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect. 5(If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God's church?) 6He must not be a recent convert, or he may become conceited and fall under the same judgment as the devil. 7He must also have a good reputation with outsiders, so that he will not fall into disgrace and into the devil's trap.

This next verse is directed specifically at the wife of the pastor and as I see the only real direct referrence to a pastors wife's responsibility

11In the same way, their wives are to be women worthy of respect, not malicious talkers but temperate and trustworthy in everything.

However, I assertain that there are certain responsibilities that aren't specifically directed at a deacon or pastor's wife but still apply like this passage out of Timothy

9No widow may be put on the list of widows unless she is over sixty, has been faithful to her husband,[a] 10and is well known for her good deeds, such as bringing up children, showing hospitality, washing the feet of the saints, helping those in trouble and devoting herself to all kinds of good deeds.

Now this is referrencing widows however it seems that there must necissarily be a life devoted to the bolded type of works which is required for the list. It is then assumed that all women must participate in these practices and that its the ideal for women to meet. Since the Pastor is the leader and his wife is his example of how women are to be like the pastor is the example of how christians are to live. I assume more than your average congragant that the Pastors wife should be participating in these activities as well. Note that I also look at the OT and see Typology with current application. A leader in the OT has certain responsibilities as does his wife. No matter the age the king was to be seen as leading in faith and morals for Israel. When he failed this the country failed. His wife(wives) were just as accountable. Ie leading the way. The Pastor has inherent leadership based on his position. So I believe this to be the case with his wife. Here we see in 1 Corinthians also that

women should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission

and in 1 Timothy

11A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. 12I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent

So leadership over men is not permitted yet here in Titus

1You must teach what is in accord with sound doctrine. 2Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance.
3Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. 4Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

So that the older women Or women of respect by positions in my typology should by their lives and word "train" the younger women. With self control in mind. Anyway thats just how I see it. I personally view that older also means mature or spiritually mature. Which I would expect of a Pastors wife. It was taken for granted that the mature women in Pauls day were the older ones. We live in a different society but I think the principles are pretty much the same.

 

[Scarlett O.]

The role of the pastor's wife should be exactly what scripture says it is. Which is ....?

....... (*crickets chirping*).

There are no Biblical guidelines for the role of a pastor's wife because it is not an office. Period.

She is to be a wife to him, period. Anything beyond that, however, is as the Holy Spirit guides her and is dependent upon whatever gifts the Holy Spirit has given her.

And anything beyond that is pure speculation and man-made tradition.

The only thing Biblical that you can say about her are two things.

(1) She is to be a wife to her husband. Eve was presented as a "help" that was "meet" or better translated "suitable" for Adam. The word, "help" is literally "ezer" (pronounced "azar").

It is the same word used for God, Himself, by King David, several times when he describe God as his "help". This is just how critical a role she has. That's just how vital her support of him is.

The word, "ezer" literally means "to help or to succor". Succor literally means "relief".

She is to be a relief to him. An encouraging, supporting, nurturing, relief. Because the word "ezer" is so powerful, this relief that she brings him can ONLY come from her and his lone existence is "not good" without her, as Adam's existence was "not good" without Eve.

(2) She is to be a contributing member of the Body of Christ. All members of the Body are important and each have been given a task.

The Body, in it's corporation, is guided by the head, Jesus Christ. The members, in their individual stations, are in complete and complementary behavior with the other members.

She is to find the work and will of God, listen to His voice, submit to the authority of Jesus Christ, and to follow the guide of the Holy Spirit into the work that God has planned for her. This work will be in harmony with her husband's role as pastor and will not interfere with her mighty and powerful role as his "ezer".

 

[annsni]

What about a pastors wife who does nothing in the church, doesn't excerise any gift, never serves, doesn't attend every week, when they do attend it is only Su. am (not saying they are required to attend everytime the door is open, but they just don't bother except Su. am and not every week), nothing.
Not suggesting she has any control in the church, or anything like that, or that she should be running around doing everything, You known I am sometimes not clear relating to you my thoughts, until I see your responses and see where I need to clear stuff up.

EVERY person in the church in whatever capacity God has gifted him or her. If a pastor's wife doesn't even attend each week, there is something very wrong here. I think there is something unhealthy going on and the pastor needs to pull his family together into the same mission before he continues in his work outside the church.

 

[annsni]

Yes I am thinking of someone specific.
She greatly enjoys cornering other women and yelling at them, accusing them, putting them down, being outright hateful, in the halls, a full fellowship hall, even in the sanctuary after service when it's still full of people.

I would absolutely be meeting with the pastor with full evidence of what is going on. Matthew 18 is absolutely applicable here and needs to be followed through.