pastors wives

Hmmmmm

I have been sitting quietly observing this post, and just felt the Holy Spirit lead me to post. I am a pastor of a church, and before accusing this woman there is somethings you need to keep in mind.

1)We do not know what this woman has been through, or what pressure she is under, or what she is currently going through. Sometimes we are overly sensitive. Are you absolutely sure this lady is attacking with a mean spirited attitude? Maybe, in her heart she is trying to help the other ladies with some advice that is interpreted as attacking, but while in fact it maybe with the intent of teaching...Paul in 2 Corinthians 13:5 states before we scutinize anyone, we are to examine ourselves.

Has that happened? Satan is so slick...He can make us think what we are about to do is a passionate godly defense of the flock and God, when in fact it maybe totally against God's will and plan. Remember Jesus said Judge not....Before doing anything else...bathe this situation in prayer...and make sure you have some backing in God's Word before proceeding...Ask yourself, What would you do if this was simply just another church member? Many times we get into the habit of the only one who receives church discipline is the pastor himself...If this woman is doing something wrong, believe me, God will discipline her and her husband regardless if the church does nothing...they will get chastised...

2) If you have done step 1, have a heart to heart talk with this lady (not alone with a witness)...take her under your wing...maybe she is new to being a pastor's wife, and you could be looking at the next great servant of the Lord...Heaven help us if we do not feel enough compassion to steer her in the right direction...Isn't that what the problem of the Pharisee's were??? Make sure to search your heart...make sure to have a heart full of the compassion of Jesus, not a heart full of the righteousness of a Pharisee...We are all sinners, and everyone of us has our sin we struggle with...

There was someone else who states a pastors family is to be an example...and is held at a higher standard...well, I agree to a certain extent, but you must remember the pastors family is not perfect...when we put them on a pedestal like that, we are setting them up for disaster..the pastor's family is growing and learning as well ...and not only do they have the stress of their own family, but they have the stress of a flock of church family on their shoulders as well...

3) Once you have done all of the above, and you still feel she is not changing...then you approach the deacons...make sure to have some hard fast evidence...make sure to have some scripture....We are far too often scrutinizing and complaining when in fact we haven't read the word...haven't even bothered to pick up the word...but, boy we are going to stand up and criticize...

Not saying you are wrong...just a few points I figured you may want to consider before going any further...

 

Sounds like this lady has some sort of mental disorder.

 

Are you absolutely sure that she does not have some kind of mental problem which would not have anything to do with you? What is her hsuband's reponse to you?

 

I am not giving her an excuse...You have missed my point entirely... All I am saying is make sure you show this woman compassion in trying to bring her back from her sin. Do not be a righteous Pharisee...have compassion and try to help this woman see her sin and repent of it. It just sounds like you maybe ready to take her out back and stone her without trying to convince her of her need to repent first...

I agree with the others it sounds like she may have mental condition...

 

If he does not care then he is not pastor material.

 

My point was that if he does not care about what is going on in his family and especially his wife then he is not shepherding his own family. He is responsible for shepherding his own family. While others may help it is still his primary responsibility. No amount of success somewhere else will ever make up for that primary responsibility.

 

I agree. How he deals with his wife is an example to the rest. I know a man personally who cared for his wife for ten years as she slowly became disabled and died. I even heard about him from a friend of mine who lives over 1000 miles away not knowing that I knew the man. It was a tremendous testimony to me and how I should treat others. After his wife died he married a lady who was much like him. The two together have great impact.

 

That is good that you have such great examples. When I first became a Christian it was because of couples who helped me to see the difference Christ made in their marriage. It was partly because of them that I determined that I would never knowingly date and certainly not marry a non-Christian. I cannot begin to tell you the number of times that my wife has opened the door both by what she says and does. Because of my wife I tell my daughter about what a great example my wife is. I am constantly pointing people to my wife as an example both to me and others. Because of what others see in our family it has been an open door to reach non-Christians and those going through divorce.

A wife who knows how to conduct herself greatly enhances the impact her husband makes.

You are absolutely right about the power of a godly wife. I truly believe it goes way beyong this lifetime.

 

My answer to the questions posted in the original post could be wrapped up in a very few words.... she should be an example to the women of the congregation. She should be a good example as a wife, mother, church member, and christian, if her husbands sermons on these subjects are to carry any weight. The first place any church member looks when the pastor preaches on a godly woman is at his wife, whether he likes it or not.

 

Personally, I believe I would soon be looking to find another place of service and worship, if this were the case at my church, and my own church would then also be looking for a new Moderator. Especially, if the procedures set forth in Matt. 18 have been followed. :tear:

Ed

 

I think we also need to remember that for every bad apple in the bunch, there are dozens more WONDERFUL pastor's wives who silently suffer loneliness, hurt from insensitive church members, harm to their children due to unrealistic expectations of pastor's kids, a major lack of privacy, and much, much more. Many churches act like they could care less for their pastor's wife, grumble and complain because she isn't perfect, and never even pray for her. (And no, I'm not even suggesting that this is the case in this situation.)

If you're blessed to have a sweet pastor's wife, treat her right, as it might just prevent her from growing bitter and hurtful like this woman. All it takes is a couple of bad experiences and a pastor's wife can be crushed from the pressures and frustration of ministry. Sometimes a husband's "dream job" is his wife's worst nightmare!