Anonymous Notes

Again I would say that I have not made public the contents of this particular communication. This is the communication I'm asserting is on shaky ground - not every one.

And by the way Karen, they made me ride on that float!

 

I think you should file the note in your "things" and not say anything publically. Consider the person's statements, but its probably not worthy of bringing to light. Our "notes" never have been.

 

Doesn't sound to me like you're approachable at all, at least on the subjects addressed in the note. I'd venture a guess it's an admonition about the methods you've espoused in your "ministry."

And yes, I'd say there's a good reason it's anonymous. It seems they predicted your reaction accurately. Listen to your own words about them. They might simply have been "wise as serpents" in their choice of anonymity.

My concern wouldn't be who wrote it, but is it true? Let us know what it said and we can hash the merits of the message itself.

 

I would not place much value in an anonomous note. If the person was interested in improving your ministry, or edifying you as a person, they would work to develop a relationship with you that would allow them to give constructive criticism and advice to your face, rather than launching an ICBM from a couple thousand miles. Or they would have signed to and encouraged you to enter into a discussion with them so you can fully understand their concerns and perhaps help them understand what it is that you are doing. If the advice was worth their time to write, it was worth signing. Ignore it and focus on those who are really interested in improving the ministry.

I wouldn't draw attention to it per se, but it might be helpful to make it clear that you are interested in the input of the members, and encourage them to come to you with their concerns, and that the only way that things can be improved is through discussion. Every time I have addressed my concerns with any pastor in a couple different churches, I have been pleased with the attitude and the response. Whether its a minor concern or issue, or a major problem, the discussion and airing of concerns is always more effective either in person, or in signed correspondence.

As a member this is the only way to handle concerns, directly with the leadership, and in a spirit of meekness and respect, and as a pastor you have to make sure that you make every effort to make that possible and easy, and make sure that you maintain the confidence of those who have the character to come to you and address you in an up-front manner. You also have to be careful to address their concerns, no matter how minor or unbiblical in a loving way.

 

Wow, all this you can say without having met me and without knowing the contents of the note - which I have not revealed on this board. That's a pretty firm opinion you have formed of me, even with the lack of key knowledge upon which to build that opinion.

I see that you've bracketed the word ministry with quotation marks. Do you care to explain what you mean by that?

Folks, it's my decision not to share the particulars of the note on the world-wide web. I do care for the person that wrote this note - and its not my intention to expose them to the public ridicule they'd receive if this got out, regardless of how they feel about me. Aaron, if you knew me, you would know that I am very approachable in all matters, and being a relatively new pastor, I'm also teachable. I know that you likely wouldn't have made the comments you did if only you knew what was in this note.

[ May 25, 2005, 10:22 AM: Message edited by: USN2Pulpit ]

 

So? The fact that you think something doesn't make it right. The truth remains that anonymous notes may contain truth that you need to hear, even though it wasn't delivered properly.

So what if you misdefine the trivial? What if someone with great spiritual needs is not a mover and you fail in your ministry to them? Will that be acceptable to you? I have found that most people are willing to be lead if you lead them humbly and with biblical teaching.

Who was talking about catering to someone in anything?

Again, no one is talking about appeasement. But why run someone off over something that doesn't matter? If it is trivial, then you shouldn't get bent out of shape about it. It isn't worth that. It seems that you may have decided to die on the wrong hills, or at least kill some people on the wrong hills. Too many church fights are over things that don't matter, and the leadership keeps pushing ... even though it doesn't matter. It is something to be cautious of.

Wow ... That is incredible. Perhaps that sheep is a sheep that God has put in your life to show you your flaws, and refine your leadership. Perhaps it is a sheep that takes time to grow.

And I reiterate, in stronger terms, that that is a completely unacceptable thing for a pastor or church member to say. Unconscionable.

 

We are not talking about "truth that needs to be heard." We are talking about anonymous notes that are destructive not constructive. Do you honestly believe someone with constructive words would resort to an anonymous attack?

In my experience those who want what is best for me and/or the church have no problem coming to talk with me in person. Those who have their own agenda resort to anonymity.

Obviously I will take into account the fact that you said earlier you had never received an anonymous note.

It is the ENTIRE point. I will even take it a step further ... point me to an instance where Jesus gave religious people an ear who were focused on issues nonrelated to eternity.

Again you miss the point. My experience with anonymous notes (and the spirit behind them) does matter in eternity. Most often the issues have to do with the trivial (methods, preferences, etc.) and have little or nothing to do with the Great Commission.

Trust me -- the hills upon which I will die are minimal. But I can tell you that I will die on hills that hinder or distract from the work of reaching and discipling people.

I agree most church fights occur over nonessential matters. That is why we focus exclusively on the essential and do not allow the nonessentials to distract us from the essentials. If someone wants to complain or squabble over nonessentials, there are plenty of other churches where they can exercise that right.

Or more often than not, it is a sheep that is simply concerned about itself. I have never had a difficulty with a believer that was spiritually mature enough to realize "it is not about me."

What is unconscionable is when churches allow people all around them to die and go to Hell while they attempt to appease the sheep.

By the way, I have had very few people leave the church over these matters. But is also clear in our situation that we are a church that stays focused on what really matters -- transforming people into authentic and passionate followers of Jesus Christ. When you are a church focused on reaching nonbelievers, many of the matters discussed here are irrelevant.

The problems I have encountered in ministry stem primarily from sheep who have no concept of what it means to reach people with the gospel. And it is from those sheep that most (actually all) of the anonymous criticism over nonessentials has arisen.

 

I am not talking about appeasing sheep who are hindering the work. There comes a time when they need to leave. But the fact that they express their thoughts in an anonymous note is not all that troublesome to me. Why would I get bent out of shape about that? Why would I ignore it? I would read it ... consider it ... learn from it ... move on. The fact that it is anonymous does not mean it should be ignored. A church and pastor focused on reaching out does not ignore the discipleship of troubled or troubling sheep already within.

People talk behind my back. They are probably too lazy to take the time to right it down. When I find out, I go talk to them about it if it is significant. But we should never have the idea that it is okay to not keep sheep.

 

It seems rather strange that a pastor with the handle "all bout grace" Just brushes all anonymous notes aside. Grace you are arguing as if you know what the note is or says. It could contain truth.

We don't know all the particulars. I think the decision has to rest with Pastor USN2. He sounds like a gracious man and only he can determind if the note is of value. I lean to the fact that it may not be right or have much value in it if the person was unable to sign. I think SUPERDAVE makes some good clear cut statements that help asses the situation. Is the person a help to the ministry, has he or she tried to develope a relationship ect.......?

I would not go as far as too say no anonymous note is good or right. It seems that a line is being drawn here between Pastors, who think anonymous notes are not worth looking into, and laypersons who say yes there maybe valid reasons for a anonymous note.

I like Larry's approach it seems as if he has a heart for people. Tempered.

Timtoolman

 

USN2, I've never received an anonymous note, so when I first read your post, my first thought was "just ignore it". But after reading the thread and thinking on the subject, I've changed my mind. I think Larry's approach is the most even-handed. Of course, you are privy to what the note says and we're not.

The fact that the note is anonymous says one thing - that the author doesn't want to be known. Now we can read a lot into it beyond that, but ultimately that's what it means. Though the author is anonymous, that does not mean that the note has no substance or truth. Now, as I said, you know what is written and we don't. So I'm speaking to the general concept, and not to what is specific in the note you received.

If someone gave you an anonymous $100 donation, would you keep it?

 

Which is what I am talking about. I have never received an anonymous note that was constructive. They have always been destructive and written in such a way as to create division and not gain knowledge or advance the cause.

I find it interesting that those who are defending them have never received one. As I have said before, every anonymous note that has come across my desk has been to hurt and harm and never to encourage (which is why a good assistant is invaluable).

Remember -- these people remain anonymous for a reason!!! Those who know and love me and have a true desire for what is best or want a legitimate question answered come to me (isn't that the biblical model?).

No one is suggesting they are ignored. What has been suggested is that the church must focus on reaching the lost and not keeping the disgruntled.

Call it hard-hearted or a lack of compassion, but I honestly do not have the time to spend my time trying to satisfy those who cannot be satisfied. I would rather them move to another church that focuses upon keeping the sheep fat and happy while the world around them goes to Hell.

Here is a statement for all to consider: if your church is not being criticized by those who have been in church for a long time for being "too evangelistic" (or any other catch phrase such as shallow, not getting fed, etc.), then you are probably not as aggressive evangelistically as you should be.

Remember the natural tendency of churched people is to turn inward.

Grace is about extending God's love to those who need to hear. It is not about catering to those who use God's grace as an excuse to sit on their rear and do nothing and then criticize leaders who are seeking to reach the lost in a relevant way.

I am arguing from experience. Again, the ones here who have actually received these type notes have a different perspective than those who have not. Perhaps experience is the mother of all learning.

 

So the fact that you are such a bad leader that you receive anonymous notes qualifies you to speak on this??? :D ... Seriously, come on back to the pack for a moment. The fact that you have received anonymous notes may say more about you than them, to be quite honest. Why do people feel like they have to write you an anonymous note? Why not bring it up when you are at their house visiting with them? Or when you are taking them out for lunch? Why have you not cultivated a relationship with them where they feel free to speak their mind to you? That seems the better way to go about it. None of us are free from criticism. Trust me, I have received it, and much behind my back that I have received 2nd hand or 3rd hand, which is actually worse than an anonymous note because it is both anonymous and gossip at the same time sowing discord among the sheep. I don't tolerate that. I go talk to them. To be honest, I would have rather had the anonymous note than people talking behind my back. It is easier to deal with.

When you talk about those who are defending anonymous notes, you are not talking to anyone here that I have seen, though perhaps I have missed them. I think anonymous notes are wrong and cowardly. But I don't think the content of them is wholly without merit.

You have certainly painted with a broad brush when you say that if you are receving criticism for being too evangelistic then you aren't doing enough. That wasn't a wise thing to say. There is no way you can know that.

You see, our differences aren't about anonymous notes, but about basic church philosophy about how to deal with sheep. I think you ought to love them even when they are unlovable and confront problems head on, not run from them because they surfaced anonymously. You seem to think you should run everyone out who doesn't toe your line and treat you the way you want to be treated. You seem to think that anonymous notes have to be lies since they don't have a name, as if the truth depends on who signs it. That seems shortsighted, and certainly not what is meant by the picture of pastors in the Bible.

 

From your post I don't see this happening at all.

 

As a minister you get all kinds of junk thrown at you. My time is limited and if someone has a legit problem i talk to them. If they are going to waste my time and hide their idenity then so be it. I just do not have the time to mess with it!!!!

 

Very true, this could be a jerk with no guts and no brains and no smarts but ---

Let's consider some situations where a person might want to send an unsigned note to the pastor - even if the practice has been declared wrong by the standing authorities in this thread.

1. Little old lady that loves here pastor and would never want to hurt his feelings but really thought he needed to think about something, might send an unsigned one.

2. A very good but shy close to the pastor friend that did not want to upset his friendship by mentioning something that he feels his friend/pastor should consider. I know, a real friend would sign it or talk to him - NOT necessarily for some personality types.

3. Maybe a visiting pastor on vacation, that wants to convey info but not stick his nose in where it doesn't belong - just something to think about.

4. Maybe a lost person that doesn't know the right and wrong of unsigned notes.

5. Maybe someone that just doesn't want the pastor to come to the door step ranting and raving about wrongness of notes.

Bet a lot of others could be brought to light.

Consider that all people don't think/feel just like you do, so what you think is wrong, might seem quite right to them. Give humanity a break we aren't just like some of you gentlemen. God has allowed a lot of types of people - tolerate them at least, but love them if you want to do the best.

 

Seems to be two kinds of pastors...those who care and those who don't. Which one do you want for a pastor? One who does care and reflects the Love of Christ or one who thinks his time is too busy to care about the flock?

Great post exsc, I wanted to wait and see what Grace would say to my question before I started posting different situations.

I don't think anyone is going to change their mind here. Most seem set in their ways. But hey enjoyed sharing here.Over and out.

 

I want to say "thanks" to all who have posted. The responses have been well-presented, and we ought not argue when each response has an air of "rightness" about them.

In my case, I've already decided what I'm going to do, and I'll share in a general sense:

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• I'm not going to share it with the congregation - to do so would invite this person and others to continue writing anonymous notes as a method of influencing me.</font>
• I have and will continue to consider the validity of certain aspects in the note, and rely on the Holy Spirit to help me affect changes, if neccessary.</font>
• I will re-double my efforts to be in every way friendly and approachable, although I confess that I'm not sure what I can do to be any more approachable than I already am.</font>
• I will make note of the person who is the author - without letting them know that I know their identity - and continue to pray for them as I have in the past.</font>

Beyond that, I have no intention of retreating from the direction and path God has me on right now as I lead His local church in rural Missouri.

 

On a serious note:

On a humorus note:

 

Good conclusion!