1. Welcome to Baptist Board, a friendly forum to discuss the Baptist Faith in a friendly surrounding.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to all the features that our community has to offer.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon and God Bless!

My wife now wants to work in Syria

Discussion in 'Prayer Requests & Praise' started by Speedpass, May 31, 2017.

  1. Speedpass

    Speedpass Active Member
    Site Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2002
    Messages:
    1,505
    Likes Received:
    2
    Faith:
    Baptist
    She claims that it is for an agency called "US Aid", and says that she would make more $ than she is right now in her current job she's had since 2012--especially as her hours are getting cut and she has heard rumors of downsizings. She would be doing relief work for at least one year, saying that she needs to find herself and needs adventure in her life. In light of what happened with us a few weeks ago, I think this may be an attempt to marry a doctor over there (this time it's a real person) as I intercepted an email she printed last week--suggesting that she loves this man, he meets the deepest desires of her heart, and she can't wait to become sexually active with her. BTW, he admitted that he's currently cheating on his wife and has no remorse for this.
    As this is shaking me up emotionally and otherwise, I wonder if I should let her go through the application process, and if she gets it to let her go and find out if this is what her real passion is and maybe after a year she will think about our marriage. Or--because of the PG-13 language I've intercepted, do I consider a divorce as this is obviously Biblical grounds for it?????????
     
  2. annsni

    annsni Administrator
    Administrator

    Joined:
    May 30, 2006
    Messages:
    20,905
    Likes Received:
    693
    It sounds to me like your wife has left already but there is always hope. I will repeat what I said on your last post - absolutely you guys need counseling.
     
    • Winner Winner x 3
    • Agree Agree x 1
  3. maddog

    maddog Member
    Site Supporter

    Joined:
    Jul 3, 2001
    Messages:
    31
    Likes Received:
    7
    Faith:
    Baptist

    Let her go to Syria.
     
    • Winner Winner x 1
  4. Reynolds

    Reynolds Well-Known Member
    Site Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2014
    Messages:
    5,104
    Likes Received:
    738
    Faith:
    Baptist
    I would buy her the ticket and pack her bag. My marriage bow was "till death do us part" but I made it plain in premarital counseling that an affair would be a complete deal breaker.
     
  5. Mike Hall

    Mike Hall Member
    Site Supporter

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2000
    Messages:
    150
    Likes Received:
    1
    Syria is a muslum country where women have NO rights. Tell her good luck with that one, mate.
    Q'ran references available upon request.
     
  6. tyndale1946

    tyndale1946 Well-Known Member
    Site Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2001
    Messages:
    7,598
    Likes Received:
    739
    Faith:
    Baptist
    There is an old Indian proverb don't judge a man until you have walked a mile in his moccasins... But I do agree with annsni on post 2, now weather she will agree to it is another matter... But if she doesn't go I feel you need to, to determine which direction you need to go... To me from what you have posted so far, her mind is basically as I see it made up... maddog, Reynolds and Mike Hall made good points... Seems to me again you are trying to save your marriage and she is trying to get out of it... My wife I am married to now as I was widowed after 30 years of marriage also came from a similar situation... Her husband was cheating on her in the marriage and she wanted them to go to counseling but he refused... They had young children at the time and she stayed in that marriage because of them... Believe it or not they were both in the church and divorce wasn't an option, and she suffered for 26 years... In a nut shell she suffered in silence while he played... She was accused and he was not... The good old church boys club... Sorry back to your case had to vent a little... Again only my opinion seem to me she wants the marriage dissolved as she has her eyes on another man as IMHO an affair is imminent, the question is when?... Can this marriage be saved?... If two people are not on the same page... NO!... One is already out the door... Brother Glen:)
     
    • Agree Agree x 2
  7. annsni

    annsni Administrator
    Administrator

    Joined:
    May 30, 2006
    Messages:
    20,905
    Likes Received:
    693
    I will disagree slightly with this, tyndale. The affair has already happened. She may not have slept with this person but she has already been unfaithful to her husband.
     
    • Agree Agree x 2
  8. tyndale1946

    tyndale1946 Well-Known Member
    Site Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2001
    Messages:
    7,598
    Likes Received:
    739
    Faith:
    Baptist
    I see your point!... Brother Glen
     
  9. Mike Hall

    Mike Hall Member
    Site Supporter

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2000
    Messages:
    150
    Likes Received:
    1
  10. Zeno

    Zeno New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2012
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    This is really sad but I believe this is between you and your wife and the decision should only come from you because the result will affect you and not us. We can suggest things but still you should decide on how the holy spirit guides you. If it will happen to me also, first of all, I will check on myself because as the head of the family, it is always my responsibility to protect my family. And with what happened to your wife, you have also a part. You failed to protect her from the wiles of the devil. Secondly, you need to talk with each other heart to heart because you are already both adults and it is best to solve this first within your family before you tell it to your neighbor like us. If nothing happens, then you have to call the right person like a faithful christian that you respect. I believe that if you do this, all the right solutions will be revealed and there you will choose the best solutions. I hope that your wife will repent and see the temptation as just lust. Your wife should see that the doctor is a liar. If the doctor is cheating his wife also, then she will surely do it to anybody.

    I hope and pray that God will give you the right decision because this will affect your whole life. Even your church or relatives will be affected also. If you are ready to be separated with her, then so be it. But before you decide, please try some of my suggestions.
     
    #10 Zeno, Jul 20, 2017
    Last edited: Jul 20, 2017
    • Agree Agree x 1
  11. Baptist Believer

    Baptist Believer Well-Known Member
    Site Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2002
    Messages:
    8,851
    Likes Received:
    563
    Faith:
    Baptist
    I am SO sorry for your agony.

    I went through a broken relationship involving unfaithfulness that led to divorce more than two decades ago and understand that pain.

    Couple of things to remember:

    (1) You cannot make someone love you or keep their commitments to you. Not even God allows that for Himself.
    (2) When a spouse decides that they need to "find themselves," then usually shed their relationships.
    (3) If she goes through with this, she will almost certainly make a mess of her life that will take years to sort out, if ever.
    (4) She will never have a comfortable and trusting relationship with this doctor because she will know in her heart that he is a cheater and may well trade her in for someone new without notice.
    (5) She is already cheating on you with her heart. If this man were in physical proximity, I am afraid she would already be cheating on you with her body as well.
    (6) You have biblical grounds if she leaves in terms of unfaithfulness and abandonment, but the real question is, what do you want to do?

    What do you want?

    You can wait for her to figure out that she has made a mistake and then figure out if there is any hope of restoring the relationship (especially trust), or you can provide an ultimatum regarding your marriage and give her a point of no return so that she has to think carefully about what she does. The "easy" thing to do is to be a doormat (in the name of love) and let her call the shots. But she will likely lose respect for you (she may want you to fight your your relationship), or she will use (abuse) you for everything she can get before she breaks it off and leave you in terrible shape.

    Under the advice of my pastor, I did not give my wife an ultimatum (although I did express my feelings about what she was doing), and she abandoned me for another guy - along with tens of thousands of dollars from our bank account (she thoughtfully left me $200), and racked up more than $15,000 of credit card debt before I caught it and shut down those accounts. I spent years recovering financially, and I am much poorer now that I should be. Ultimately, it did not help to give her options and was financially devastating. If I had to do it again, I would have given her a clear ultimatum and taken some immediate financial safeguards to prevent losing everything.

    I will pray for the two of you and for great wisdom for your situation. Remember, you need to think of yourself as well as her. If you think there is hope for your marriage, then fight for it. If you know in your heart that it is over, then start taking steps so you can end the marriage honorably and fairly should she force your hand.

    May God give you peace.
     
  12. Cinnamon Apples

    Cinnamon Apples New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 19, 2017
    Messages:
    29
    Likes Received:
    8
    Faith:
    Non Baptist Christian
    "Let" her?
    You're not a Jew so divorce for adultery is allowed. Divorce for emotional abandonment is too.
    Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you? You'll miss the woman God has in store thinking to hold tight to the woman God's telling you wants to be let go of.

    If your wife isn't aware of what happens to Christians in Syria, she's clearly not emotionally nor mentally sound. That too is a reason for divorce.

    What's really sad here though ? This thread gets more replies than threads asking for prayers for a dying child. That one got ZERO replies. And yesterday the baby Charlie Gard died.

    Let your wife do what she wants and suffer what she gets . As soon as she demonstrated passion for a man not her husband she was gone from you.
     
  13. Speedpass

    Speedpass Active Member
    Site Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2002
    Messages:
    1,505
    Likes Received:
    2
    Faith:
    Baptist
    She has not heard from the agency. A few months ago she started looking for jobs in my home state of Texas, which she has not heard any follow up on--except for a position at a Hilton in Austin where she applied for an HR position.
    In short, she has gotten away from this other man as if nothing ever happened.
     
    • Prayers Prayers x 2
Loading...