Santa Claus Converts To Calvinism, Moves Everybody To Naughty List

NORTH POLE—After a transformative moment reading R.C. Sproul’s What Is Reformed Theology? for the first time earlier this week, legendary Christmas icon Santa Claus reportedly converted to a full-on, five-point Calvinist, and almost immediately moved every single person on the planet to the naughty list, sources confirmed Friday.


“How can I put anyone on the nice list, when every human being is totally depraved from birth?” St. Nick was overheard saying to Mrs. Claus in his office. “No matter what filthy rags of righteousness they bring before the Lord, they are condemned already based on their sin nature.”

The jolly gift-giving man tasked his elves with purging the entire “nice” list and moving all the names over to the naughty list all afternoon, as he lectured them about their need for a Savior who could save them completely.

Santa Claus Converts To Calvinism, Moves Everybody To Naughty List

 

So Santa Claus doesn't look down through the corridors of the past year to see who is naughty or nice any more?

 

If you apply the same logic, if Santa converted to Classical Arminianism, he would put the same names on the naughty list. Man has no ability, outside God, to do Any true good.

 

He never did... He does put you into the Elves Book of Life. And at my house, we never feed Calvin Clause cookies and milk... he gets a beer and a bratwurst cause that’s what he really likes! :Thumbsup :D

 

And that’s cause somebody ate an apple they shouldn’t have.