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Old 10-12-2002, 09:59 PM
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Gina B Gina B is offline
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My pastor about a year and a half ago taught that your spouse should always come before your children. He wasn't talking about if a kid is sick and needs attention, etc., but in terms of your relationship and such, because your children will leave and live on their own soon enough, but you have to live with your spouse forever.
I was a little in shock when he said that, but the more I thought about it, the more it seemed true, and a good relationship with your spouse will most likely make for a better relationship/role model for your kids.
What do you think?
Old 10-12-2002, 10:28 PM
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Dr. Bob Dr. Bob is offline
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Gina - Pastor is right on.
God #1
Then Spouse
And if so blessed, kids and grandkids
#4 is the church!

I explain that carefully to each church at which I minister that THEY will be number 4, not number 1. Shocks them because many preachers have sold out their family or spouse for the "ministry". Sad.
Old 10-12-2002, 11:22 PM
Clint Kritzer Clint Kritzer is offline
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I concur 100% with Dr. Griffins order on his priority list.

Ephesians 5:28 states clearly the devotion a man should feel for his wife. I see many families in which the children are "partners" to one or both parents. This compromises the child's development in society, adds potential conflict to the spousal relationship, and as Gina cited, sets a bad example for the child.

I love my children, I would probably die for my children if it was ever necessary, but Margie knows that she takes higher priority in this home on my list.
Old 10-12-2002, 11:30 PM
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Gina B Gina B is offline
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I have a tendency to think that most of the men would readily agree, but a lot of the women will have to pause and think on it for a minute. [img]smile.gif[/img]
Old 10-12-2002, 11:47 PM
post-it post-it is offline
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I agree with the other men here. But I understand how a woman's nature tells her to put her children first. I would agree that a woman should only put her children first if she has any doubt about her relationship with her husband or that her husband could cause the children serious harm and I don't just mean physical harm.

Many women know their marriage relationship is in jeopardy and in those cases, she has a duty to her children first.

Only when her husband is a Godly man, being lead by the Spirit and being a good husband and father, should she place her children second.
Old 10-13-2002, 12:22 AM
Helen Helen is offline
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Location: southern Oregon
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Gina, here is one of the reasons your pastor is right -- the right marriage relationship mirrors (as the Bible tells us) the relationship of Christ to the church, and the children need that picture.

Even if the marriage is not good, if you are together then love can be modeled, and they need to see this, too. My oldest son recently said something to me that really brought it home. You know I was married for 20 years to a man who was not only unfaithful most of the time, by hypercritical of both me and the children. No one could please him.

This was giving the children a terrifying picture of God ("our Father...") although I did not realize it at the time. But my oldest, Scott, also mentioned that it was the only marriage he had really seen up close and he was afraid of getting married because he didn't want to do that to his wife.

Then Barry and I got married two years ago. Recently Scott told me that when he got married, he wanted a marriage like Barry's and mine. It had given him a new example and now he knew what he wanted.

Another example I have used before: my mother was unfaithful to my father for ten years before he died. He refused to divorce her. He refused to let us speak ill of her in his presence. This was the woman he had chosen to marry and this was our mother and that was that.

From him I learned what commitment and love meant. He didn't tell me. He showed me.

I know there are many other reasons the marriage is the first priority after God, but you wanted something from a woman so here it is... [img]smile.gif[/img]
Old 10-13-2002, 01:00 AM
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Scarlett O. Scarlett O. is online now
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As a public school teacher, I have dealt with parents of all kinds. The Godly, the fabulous, the ones who need help to become better, and ones who don't deserve their children.

I can tell you the biggest mistake I see in a few mothers.

I have said this for years. There are some mothers out there who put their relationship with their children ahead of their relationship with their spouses.

What's wrong with this?

  • Two married people are "one flesh". A parent and a child don't have that relationship.</font>
  • To exalt the child over your spouse is to teach your child that the spouse is not important.</font>
  • Children learn early if they can pit one parent against the other. If they can, it makes the child the leader of the home and not the parent. That is backwards from what the Bible says.</font>
This isn't always the mother's fault.
  • Sometimes Dad is elusive and stays in the background on purpose. He doesn't want to deal with the kids.</font>
  • Sometimes older children play parents against each other.</font>
  • Sometimes in-laws interfere heavily with a mother and father's God-given right to raise their own children.</font>
  • And yes, sometimes mothers express more love and attention to the kids than to dad.</font>
The Bible is clear on how husbands and wives are to be considered the male and the female side of the same person. One flesh. One unit. That's why the devil didn't touch Job's wife. She was part of him and he of her and God said for the devil not to kill Job, therefore he couldn't kill his wife, either.

Scarlett O. [img]graemlins/type.gif[/img]
Old 10-13-2002, 01:00 AM
Don Don is online now
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Read Ephesians 5 and 6. Then read them again, paying attention to the order in which the different relationships are addressed.
Old 10-13-2002, 02:16 AM
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Johnv Johnv is offline
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...your spouse should always come before your children

Yes, your relationship with your spouse should come before your children unless your relationship with your children requires otherwise. However, it should also be noted that a healthy relationship among spouses invloves their children as well.

The only time this would be of exception is if you're remarried and have children from a previous marriage.
Old 10-13-2002, 08:42 AM
latterrain77 latterrain77 is offline
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Children are a blessing from the LORD (Psalm 127: 3-5). In fact, the “husband/wife” dynamic along with the intimacy enjoyed only through it, is designed as the vehicle for which the Psalm blessing of children occurs!

The command in Genesis 9: 1 (and earlier to every creature) to “be fruitful & multiply and fill the earth” is a powerful statement about the enormous significance of children and family. The husband/wife relation is the vehicle through which this command is accomplished.

Of course, a good wife (like a good husband) is also a blessing from the LORD. When GOD’s principles of marriage are followed, the blessing of children is often the result - and the RAISING of them becomes the life long practice of those principles. Then, the husband and wife’s interests are vested in the GODLY raising of those children (children need their parents guidance, direction and assistance all the way until the end - not only when they are toddlers, adolescents, and young adults).

It is the children and the raising of them unto holiness that gives meaning, purpose and substance to a marriage (though not exclusively - yet primarily). It is through the blessing of children and family that marriage is made meaningful and dynamic. It is for this reason that GOD refers to the woman (i.e. wife) as a “help meet” (Gen. 2: 18). Help meet in what? In carrying out the primary marital purpose, the joint venture of husband/wife – the dynamic duo - in the “fruitful & multiply” blessing of children and family.

What about the husband/wife who cannot have children? ADOPTION is the glorious gift that GOD provides – as HE himself provided for his own self with the elect (Rom. 8: 15, Eph. 1: 5). There is nothing less meaningful about adopted children than those created biologically by GOD through the marriage union. In fact, there is a unique and astounding beauty with Godly substance to the adoption concept (Eph. 1: 5).

If for some medical reason, a husband/wife cannot have children, then GOD has provided for them the fantastic mystery and blessing of the adoption gift which GOD embraced for the elect (Eph. 1: 5). GOD has left no husband/wife without meaningful options.

Most importantly, GOD in his abundant mercy provides children (whether through the marital union or adoption) so that the husband/wife might raise up holy ones for the future of the church. There is NOTHING – absolutely nothing – between a man and woman (husband/wife) that can possibly be more important than this. [img]smile.gif[/img]


[ October 13, 2002, 08:43 AM: Message edited by: latterrain77 ]


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