pastors wives

[donnA]

being open to church members (or not) is one thing, what she has done, viciously attacking people who've said nothing to her or about her is another.

 

[GodsRealTruth]

Hmmmmm

I have been sitting quietly observing this post, and just felt the Holy Spirit lead me to post. I am a pastor of a church, and before accusing this woman there is somethings you need to keep in mind.

1)We do not know what this woman has been through, or what pressure she is under, or what she is currently going through. Sometimes we are overly sensitive. Are you absolutely sure this lady is attacking with a mean spirited attitude? Maybe, in her heart she is trying to help the other ladies with some advice that is interpreted as attacking, but while in fact it maybe with the intent of teaching...Paul in 2 Corinthians 13:5 states before we scutinize anyone, we are to examine ourselves.

Has that happened? Satan is so slick...He can make us think what we are about to do is a passionate godly defense of the flock and God, when in fact it maybe totally against God's will and plan. Remember Jesus said Judge not....Before doing anything else...bathe this situation in prayer...and make sure you have some backing in God's Word before proceeding...Ask yourself, What would you do if this was simply just another church member? Many times we get into the habit of the only one who receives church discipline is the pastor himself...If this woman is doing something wrong, believe me, God will discipline her and her husband regardless if the church does nothing...they will get chastised...

2) If you have done step 1, have a heart to heart talk with this lady (not alone with a witness)...take her under your wing...maybe she is new to being a pastor's wife, and you could be looking at the next great servant of the Lord...Heaven help us if we do not feel enough compassion to steer her in the right direction...Isn't that what the problem of the Pharisee's were??? Make sure to search your heart...make sure to have a heart full of the compassion of Jesus, not a heart full of the righteousness of a Pharisee...We are all sinners, and everyone of us has our sin we struggle with...

There was someone else who states a pastors family is to be an example...and is held at a higher standard...well, I agree to a certain extent, but you must remember the pastors family is not perfect...when we put them on a pedestal like that, we are setting them up for disaster..the pastor's family is growing and learning as well ...and not only do they have the stress of their own family, but they have the stress of a flock of church family on their shoulders as well...

3) Once you have done all of the above, and you still feel she is not changing...then you approach the deacons...make sure to have some hard fast evidence...make sure to have some scripture....We are far too often scrutinizing and complaining when in fact we haven't read the word...haven't even bothered to pick up the word...but, boy we are going to stand up and criticize...

Not saying you are wrong...just a few points I figured you may want to consider before going any further...

 

[donnA]

accusing? She's done it to me, right out of the blue so I know for sure, I've seen her walk up to people and start on them and them doing nothing to her. Theres no excuse for any church member doing whats she's doing.
is pressure an excuse?
no it isn't, if it is for her, it is for everyone else. Can I go and act this way in church, attacking people, calling their homes and bashing them on the phone, hanging up on their children? Would you call me godly if I did that?
I sure wouldn't.
Am I certian!? Of course, she yells at people, says bad things, evil things. I once commented about seeing my grandchildren the day before and she yelled at me in the sanctuary, about how I couldn't call them my babies, every grandparent I know calls their grandchildren their babies, but she chose me to attack.
She attacked me in front of 2( TWo ) witnesses, my husband and hers.
He's been a pastor for 20 yrs, so she isn't new. She has a lot of attack experience.
She won't let people talk to her unless she attacks them.
You don't know, can not possibly have a bit of idea unles you go there regularly to see it. I do.
And I know theres no acceptable excuse for anyone acting like she does. You certainly wouldn't let any woman in church act like this would you, what if she had a multidue of excuses? Are excuses acceptable for other woman, or any other person (man also)/
Nope, they are not.
Don't make excuses for someones purposeful sin.

 

[sag38]

Sounds like this lady has some sort of mental disorder.

 

[gb93433]

accusing? She's done it to me, right out of the blue so I know for sure, I've seen her walk up to people and start on them and them doing nothing to her. Theres no excuse for any church member doing whats she's doing.

Are you absolutely sure that she does not have some kind of mental problem which would not have anything to do with you? What is her hsuband's reponse to you?

 

[GodsRealTruth]

accusing? She's done it to me, right out of the blue so I know for sure, I've seen her walk up to people and start on them and them doing nothing to her. Theres no excuse for any church member doing whats she's doing.
is pressure an excuse?
no it isn't, if it is for her, it is for everyone else. Can I go and act this way in church, attacking people, calling their homes and bashing them on the phone, hanging up on their children? Would you call me godly if I did that?
I sure wouldn't.
Am I certian!? Of course, she yells at people, says bad things, evil things. I once commented about seeing my grandchildren the day before and she yelled at me in the sanctuary, about how I couldn't call them my babies, every grandparent I know calls their grandchildren their babies, but she chose me to attack.
She attacked me in front of 2( TWo ) witnesses, my husband and hers.
He's been a pastor for 20 yrs, so she isn't new. She has a lot of attack experience.
She won't let people talk to her unless she attacks them.
You don't know, can not possibly have a bit of idea unles you go there regularly to see it. I do.
And I know theres no acceptable excuse for anyone acting like she does. You certainly wouldn't let any woman in church act like this would you, what if she had a multidue of excuses? Are excuses acceptable for other woman, or any other person (man also)/
Nope, they are not.
Don't make excuses for someones purposeful sin.

I am not giving her an excuse...You have missed my point entirely... All I am saying is make sure you show this woman compassion in trying to bring her back from her sin. Do not be a righteous Pharisee...have compassion and try to help this woman see her sin and repent of it. It just sounds like you maybe ready to take her out back and stone her without trying to convince her of her need to repent first...

I agree with the others it sounds like she may have mental condition...

 

[donnA]

Are you absolutely sure that she does not have some kind of mental problem which would not have anything to do with you? What is her hsuband's reponse to you?

He ignores anything and everything. Does not care theres a church member walking around doing these things.

 

[donnA]

I am not giving her an excuse...You have missed my point entirely... All I am saying is make sure you show this woman compassion in trying to bring her back from her sin. Do not be a righteous Pharisee...have compassion and try to help this woman see her sin and repent of it. It just sounds like you maybe ready to take her out back and stone her without trying to convince her of her need to repent first...

I agree with the others it sounds like she may have mental condition...

There is absoutely nothing I can do for her. Everyone is wrong, she is always right, you can't talk to her, ever.

 

[gb93433]

He ignores anything and everything. Does not care theres a church member walking around doing these things.

If he does not care then he is not pastor material.

 

[donnA]

If he does not care then he is not pastor material.

That would be my thought.
Even if it's his wife.

 

[gb93433]

That would be my thought.
Even if it's his wife.

My point was that if he does not care about what is going on in his family and especially his wife then he is not shepherding his own family. He is responsible for shepherding his own family. While others may help it is still his primary responsibility. No amount of success somewhere else will ever make up for that primary responsibility.

 

[annsni]

My point was that if he does not care about what is going on in his family and especially his wife then he is not shepherding his own family. He is responsible for shepherding his own family. While others may help it is still his primary responsibility. No amount of success somewhere else will ever make up for that primary responsibility.

That is correct but even if it was just a congregant, he needs to address the issue or else he is allowing obvious harmful sin to control the spirit of the church. That is wrong. But the fact that it's his wife? That's two strikes.

 

[gb93433]

That is correct but even if it was just a congregant, he needs to address the issue or else he is allowing obvious harmful sin to control the spirit of the church. That is wrong. But the fact that it's his wife? That's two strikes.

I agree. How he deals with his wife is an example to the rest. I know a man personally who cared for his wife for ten years as she slowly became disabled and died. I even heard about him from a friend of mine who lives over 1000 miles away not knowing that I knew the man. It was a tremendous testimony to me and how I should treat others. After his wife died he married a lady who was much like him. The two together have great impact.

 

[annsni]

I agree. How he deals with his wife is an example to the rest. I know a man personally who cared for his wife for ten years as she slowly became disabled and died. I even heard about him from a friend of mine who lives over 1000 miles away not knowing that I knew the man. It was a tremendous testimony to me and how I should treat others. After his wife died he married a lady who was much like him. The two together have great impact.

Amen. A husband who allows his wife to run rampant as it sounds like this pastor is doing is an unhealthy leader in the church.

I was looking around our sanctuary today and looking at the pastor's wives that we have. I'm one of 9 so there are 8 others who I can look to for guidance, learn how to respond in a Godly way and such. I thank God for not only our pastors but each of their wives who have done so much to further the Gospel. From our senior pastor's wife who has an amazing counseling ministry to our administrative pastor's wife who runs the entire nursery program to the missions pastor's wife who opens her home regularly to missionaries. Each one works alongside their husband using their giftings and it's so encouraging and God glorifying. I can't imagine having a woman such as is described here as a pastor's wife.

 

[gb93433]

I thank God for not only our pastors but each of their wives who have done so much to further the Gospel.

That is good that you have such great examples. When I first became a Christian it was because of couples who helped me to see the difference Christ made in their marriage. It was partly because of them that I determined that I would never knowingly date and certainly not marry a non-Christian. I cannot begin to tell you the number of times that my wife has opened the door both by what she says and does. Because of my wife I tell my daughter about what a great example my wife is. I am constantly pointing people to my wife as an example both to me and others. Because of what others see in our family it has been an open door to reach non-Christians and those going through divorce.

A wife who knows how to conduct herself greatly enhances the impact her husband makes.

You are absolutely right about the power of a godly wife. I truly believe it goes way beyong this lifetime.

 

[deacon jd]

My answer to the questions posted in the original post could be wrapped up in a very few words.... she should be an example to the women of the congregation. She should be a good example as a wife, mother, church member, and christian, if her husbands sermons on these subjects are to carry any weight. The first place any church member looks when the pastor preaches on a godly woman is at his wife, whether he likes it or not.

 

[EdSutton]

Yes I am thinking of someone specific.
She greatly enjoys cornering other women and yelling at them, accusing them, putting them down, being outright hateful, in the halls, a full fellowship hall, even in the sanctuary after service when it's still full of people.

Personally, I believe I would soon be looking to find another place of service and worship, if this were the case at my church, and my own church would then also be looking for a new Moderator. Especially, if the procedures set forth in Matt. 18 have been followed. :tear:

Ed

 

[annsni]

Here is a prayer by Mary Mohler - Al Mohler's wife. I think it is really applicable to this situation:

Mrs. Mary Mohler offered a prayer for the wives of pastors at the Sunday night session of the Southern Baptist Convention Pastor’s Conference. Here is her prayer:

Father, what an honor it is to lift up my sisters in Christ who serve as pastors’ wives.

Thank you for raising up these women to serve you in this unique and vital calling.

I pray your blessing upon each one—wherever she serves across our denomination.

May she be mindful of the role she alone fills in the church as the wife of the pastor.

May she take seriously the importance of respecting her husband, encouraging him, praying for him and loving him with all of her heart.

May she never underestimate the importance of watching well over the ways of her household as she seeks to provide a happy home environment that will be a welcome refuge for him from the pressures and perils of ministry.

If you bless her with the wonderful gift of motherhood, may she nurture her children in such a way that they not only love and follow you, Lord, but also that they come to love their life in a ministry family as she ensures they appreciate the privileges that are theirs in this special calling.

As she serves your church, may she enthusiastically develop and use the gifts and talents that you have already given her through the power of the Holy Spirit. May she foster a deep and abiding love for the people to whom you have called her to serve.

As the women of her church look to her as a mentor, and they will, may she seize that opportunity to reflect godliness, contentment, honesty, compassion and perseverance. In order to do so, may she embrace the daily discipline of being a serious student of your Word, committing it to memory and spending much time in prayer.

Guard her heart; guard her mind; guard her tongue; guard her feet as she seeks to not grow weary in well doing even as many of her completed tasks may seem to go unnoticed. May she truly do her husband good and not harm, all the days of her life.

Your word tells us that “the eyes of the LORD move to and fro throughout the entire earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His.” I pray boldly that you will find us to be just that kind of people and that you will use us as ministry wives alongside our husbands to do great things for the kingdom for the sake of the Gospel and for your glory.

You also tell us that you are able to do “exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us,” and with that in mind, I ask all of these things in the powerful and matchless name of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

from http://inside.sbts.edu/index.php/2009/06/22/mary-mohlers-prayer-for-wives-of-pastors/

 

[abcgrad94]

I think we also need to remember that for every bad apple in the bunch, there are dozens more WONDERFUL pastor's wives who silently suffer loneliness, hurt from insensitive church members, harm to their children due to unrealistic expectations of pastor's kids, a major lack of privacy, and much, much more. Many churches act like they could care less for their pastor's wife, grumble and complain because she isn't perfect, and never even pray for her. (And no, I'm not even suggesting that this is the case in this situation.)

If you're blessed to have a sweet pastor's wife, treat her right, as it might just prevent her from growing bitter and hurtful like this woman. All it takes is a couple of bad experiences and a pastor's wife can be crushed from the pressures and frustration of ministry. Sometimes a husband's "dream job" is his wife's worst nightmare!