Bad Advice Only

By doing this to Brother Salty...



I just saw Brother Tony buying a new rope...

 

Ask him what the rope is for, but make sure you take a knife or something, just in case...





I just bought a rope to try and tie down a rooster I traded for several days ago. Now the dadgum chicken keeps running around the yard and I can't catch him. Thoughts?

 

I have a new cook dedicated to making post # 1,000. Just send me $99.95 + $29.62 for S & H..

I just saw a weird looking man in a white suit chasing Mercury...

 

Look the other way...out of sight, out of mind, right?





My neighbor is standing in his yard just looking off in the distance. Meanwhile, some weird looking guy in a white suit is running around his back yard...

 

Are they "Just some good ol' boys, Never meanin' no harm. Beats all you never saw, been in trouble with the law since the day they was born?" If so, give 'em a Dodge Charger and send them on their way.




My neighbor's gone back inside, but now there's this guy driving around trying to give away his Dodge Charger...

 

Run a smear campaign is always a great idea. Try to link the incumbent Sheriff to any kind of scandal, especially if he can be linked to putting bubble gum in the hair of the elder women of the church.




The shocks on the Charger are in great shape, but the mechanic claims he can't paint over the rebel flag on the roof. Any thoughts?

 

Trade the Charger for a white convertible, white suit, a cigar and a rooster. Use the rooster for an hood ornament...

I just saw someone wearing a white suit racing in a white convertible with the weirdest looking hood ornament, screaming, "them Dukes, them Dukes!"

 

Drive behind him and catch that hood ornament if it blows off.




So I'm driving down the road in my white convertible when the rooster I had duct taped to the hood blows off. I'm thinking about using a nail gun next time, but I'm worried it might damage the radiator. Any thoughts?

 

No. Use Gorilla glue...

I just saw a man in a white suit gluing a rooster to the hood of his car...

 

Are you sure you're neighbor isn't Colonel Sanders? I would go over and tell him to stop. Roosters are notoriously immune to gorilla glue. I'm told using Crazy Glue can work, but it doesn't hold up if you go over 50 miles per hour.




My neighbor is walking toward me with a tub of crazy glue. I think he wants to steal my rooster hood ornament...

 

Buy some pepper spray and spray yourself in your eyes and that'll confuse him.

I just saw some spray themselves with pepper spray...

 

Hit yourself with a hammer repeatedly because it feels so good when you stop.

 

Uhhhhhh...I just saw someone hitting themselves repeatedly with a hammer.....

 

Must be the Baptist Bored. Call BarneyFife.com



I want to slash all the people who post in this thread. Help!

 

Throw a cooked chicken in a swimming pool and jump back.....

I just saw a bunch of baptists jumping into a pool and fighting over some cooked chicken...

 

Start an entire theological philosophy against these folks. Persecute them if you must... :smilewinkgrin:




I used to have a rooster strapped to the hood of my car as a hood ornament, but I get the feeling that someone stole my chicken and cooked it...